On my own

[Trema]

Chorus:
on my own, i made this vocabulary makes me able to rhyme
-please homie dont blame me for the niggaz in crime
on my own i made this website see
-what most peeps try to flee, when will we be free


it aint about talent,more about whats your reason
-i stay by my flock of sheep and keep them breathing
far from bleeding, close to sucseeding...
far from the white lines and trouble, i keep them believing
now tell me steven did trema do it on his own?
-got two lines transformed into a poetic field of clones
i aint a biter so dont take that clone line,
kinda vivid while tj raps about my mother fucking rhymes

excuse me god what religion am i missing why times ticking when i'm spitting damm this cats lines sound bitten!

reminissing the days when beef wasn't a must,but trust most ma enemies lay down in the dust

get back to the story or um i just free styleing writing scripts
-that will float ships, and keep the ghetto from them klips
but the ghetto is guns poverty and already we named it
-police shamed it, tony and bush mother fucking framed it
on my own i got the courage to fight em bullies
-a metaphor ayt? they were like 2 month year old lil babies
shuk like they were infected wit h.i or rabies
if the streets dont kill me, then god must love me-just maybe

Chorus:
on my own, i made this vocabulary makes me able to rhyme
-please homie dont blame me for the niggaz in crime
on my own i made this website see
-what most peeps try to flee, when will we be free

*kneels down*
has it come to this lord, seems like tigers killing tigers
-transalate= all blacks theese days die in hell fire
i aint a liyer just a writer trying to get higher
-but it seems watever i do, it just makes life harder!

Father forgive us!

www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238340
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238536

[Trema]

how gay six views and no replies, if your guna fucking read this then leave feed chump

[ghostflow]

nice piece man
it was well done

[warchild]

Another good drop from you Tre, your really stepping your verses up.
The concept was dope your imagery is really improving thats what stood out the most to me. Your vocab is being used in the right way its cool your not just putting big words in for the sake of it your doing it to improve the emotion and imagery. You said in the piece some guy was questioning your skills whoever it was fuck em your improving with every verse your posting.
There some good emotion in the words could feel what you was saying.
The only thing i could criticise is try and mix in a few multies to your verses this will make them just that little bit more complex and they'll help your verses sound smoother when or if you decide to do audios.

Return the feed on my OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238600

[Trema]

Thanks warchild, ur guna be missed, uppin

[SIX6]

ups on that, that was nice

nice overall
stay up
10/10

[Ryda]

that was pretty nice good vocab usage i'll give it a 9/10

[Trema]

thanks for the lil feed guys, uppin

[TwixSin]

i don't do many writtens with chorus's but this was decent... i liked how you melded it into a very emo type peice... nicely woven in with your own style... keep at it i enjoyed reading this from you... will prob be seeing more work soon. nice drop. keep the solid uniqueness.

peace.

[Pharoah.]

imagery was dope amnd vocab went well with, this emotion was nice flowing from it too
im looking for more by you
stay up

pz

peep im with you

[Katrina]

Excellent drop trema
As usual this was a interesting topic to choose.
The chorus was very well put together and included a nice range of vocabulary. The structure was nice and easy to read. You had grate flow it was constant throughout the read. The lines weren’t forced and were very well put together and the multis were nice.
I was feeling the whole verse from start to finish and it was a good read
10/10 nice job

[Trema]

Thanks for the feed yaahl, uppin

[Johnny 6-feet]

I'm seeing the elavation and i like it. A good topic with some good imagery which brought it to life in places. The change of pace and the prayer at the end made this some stand-out reading. Some more multi's and slightly stronger vocab would've been good to see but this was a solid piece without them. Good work.

Keep on posting.

[SkullBreaker]

yo i like it i could feel ur vocab and everything in it was interesting keep up the good work trema, ill give it a 10/10 for an outstanding verse, i will be looking forward to reading more of ur drops aight good shit

[J-Hova]

I agree wit SkullBreaker your shit is hot son ur vocabs is great stay up