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Thread: title:common topic

  1. #1
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    title:common topic

    look dis jus somthin i wrote in class today but look out for my real shit, commin to u niggas soon!!

    another rhyme scheme= /
    pause= ,

    they say niggas is born chriminals, rollin in a straight line goin down da lane headed for da pins, i guess Bush is bowlin for columbine, we were draged to a place where we were unwanted, to a place where da people pale we thought it was haunted,/
    listen, LIsten cant even step into an area widout haven all eyes on me, walk into my house widout usin da key, white folks callin da cops thinkin i got 3x3,/
    but where im at i block dat shiieet out,yeah a nigga could pout, but one day imma get out, to place where there are no worries, no doubts./
    dont tell me to elevate i allready no what florr to get off, come wit me, ino which floor to get off,/
    i always bring faith into my ryhmes cus da pearly gates is waitin/, i aint decietfull "GOD GAVE ME STYLE", but u cant find me "IN DA CLUB" drinkin henassi/ i aint "OUT OF CONTROL" but "MANY MEN", wish deat upon me,
    if u know about rap and 50. then youl understand the previous that were typed by me/
    cops lookin at him suspicious like is he packin. im like no, he jus black an./
    livin in a niegbourhood. no diss nigga aint come out da hood. he jus pulls back his hood, workin doin all dat he could. will he escape, yeah he knows he should./
    some niggas be commin back from da "CRYPT" lookin for "BLOOD". lookin for his backstabin bud. empty a clip and leave him dead in da mud./
    But lately wiggas ben tryna act hard/ slingin dat weight, u kno me i stay on my gaurd. test me imma use my trump card./
    but i aint abou violence. im yellin to des kids stop da violence. while protectin dees gurls from da tyrants./
    pimps be yellin at da gurl like tony yayo or talkin smooth like loyd banks.
    da gurl fuck for man but to avail she gets no thanks/

    look man u guys gotta tell me what im doin wrong, my strucure is terible, give me an example of a good structure aiight.

  2. #2
    LISTEN
    Guest
    uppin
    please leave somethin

  3. #3
    tjb
    Guest

    Go Hard Man

    YOU GO HARD MAN WORD!

    i like your style in the rap
    kind of reminds me of nas joints back in the day
    keep it up

  4. #4
    LISTEN
    Guest
    uppin

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    need to fix up the structure man coz its hard to follow
    so post yo shit in str8 bars then it b cool
    seems like you got a good way of playing with the words
    even up the flow keep it smooth n shit b proper

    seen

    1
    .................................................. ......................

  6. #6
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    You need 2 links to 2 Open Mic pieces you've left decent feedback on or this will be closed. Thanks.

    SS League Record 31-8
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