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Thread: Jelousy

  1. #1

    Jelousy

    Jelousy

    .
    Eyes burning with hatred like acid cos vision rates red…
    Research last kiss in diary and cry at what the date said…
    Pupil’s Iris locked on to my wrist as the minutes pass away…
    Digesting the bottles contents when used to be glass a day…
    Constantly parked parallel to entrance of house in question…
    Watching in dismay at their new found loving contention…
    Set my heart on opposite gender resulting in an organ collapse…
    Spirit fall like leaves when the branches reach autumn relax…
    Consciously view his scaled lips coress her almost perfect skin…
    Used to be my position now its his arms that shes lost within…
    Stay still, stationary trying to hold my head with elevation…
    Fingers clamped to my palm stopping blood from circulation…
    Feel frustration the anger build inside these unknown places…
    Uncovered ground bringing me to these un-a-tone phases….
    Hate to feel this way, let jealousy control my inner emotion…
    Flash backs of the night I found cracks in her sinning devotion…
    Erosion of belief and trust, I had it close but lost for lust…
    This girls a must, but left my surroundings in a cloud of dust…
    Although I’m hurt inside with love and hate about to collide…
    The feelings I store within won’t drift aside like the ocean tide…
    Can’t stand and watch a family where the fences withstand me…
    Human traffic with one route but no one will understand me…

    ………………………………………………………………...............

    With the sun pulled to the ground, only darkness not a sound…
    He leaves the premises reminisce on that moment n wot I found…
    As I see that red mist I cross from sanity to prison bound…
    View the corpse on the floor beaten round a vision on ground…
    Then it hit harder than anything to ever enter my intellect…
    If I love her so much, why did I choose to live in~regret…

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics you've left decent feedback on or this will get closed. Check out the thread at the top of the forum if you don't know how.

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  4. #4
    TwixSin
    Guest
    this was a good om with some solid imagery... yet soem of it seemed almost unatural to you... almost a little forced. Don't get me wrong... but it was great plenty of emo and stuff... keep at it i really enjoyed this peace... hope to see more from you...

    peep A Scene.

  5. #5
    tight writing yo the flow is off the heezy fa sheezy

    nice vocab and coo multies keep it going strong and entertaining
    some of the imagery was good.. decent insites into how you think
    nice way to approach the subject in an original manner

    cool structure was tite

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  6. #6

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