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Thread: Letter To My Wife....Our Daughter....

  1. #1
    God's Deciple
    Guest

    Letter To My Wife....Our Daughter....


    Dear...............



    I look out into the day,And think and say,what if again she goes away
    Realizing that what i've had to say,sent her away,and she couldnt stay
    If i didnt run my mouth,coulda spent more time with the lady iv loved
    And this precious person is not my mommy,or my lady,shes my little dove
    With wings and hair so wonderfull,it was a sight to see at her young age
    But in my music,i let her go,and read the bible just to relax every page
    My insucurities,are holding me,iv lost the meaning of what i should be
    My wife has left me,never been so lonely,and iv been robbed from my baby
    And i feel so crazy,spinning and maybe,iv lost everything important to me
    But before my lady,maybe i dont regret,cause now im suppose to be a daddy
    Being there for my daughter's a tough job,but i gotta be there for her
    and i try to forget what reminds me of whats left of when she use to be here
    My job to raise my daughter as a father,who grew up witout one is new
    Cause im without experience,so i learn to teach her on my own you
    I feel as if im being weighed with the worlds weight on my shoulders
    And i try to warm myself from being any colder,just for her
    At times i just break down and cry,and left remained with questions with why?
    Cause i cant lie,and eventually she will find out what happened in life
    So,fuck what others say,ill be there for her,and nothing will take her from me
    And as an emcee,i will keep what i think i should be,and not to live life as a phony
    I get so puzzled and so confused,i look at her,and just start to cry
    But life seemed so clear,and it all came to sence when i looked her in the eyes............



    Sincerely,
    .............


  2. #2

  3. #3
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    Rise

  4. #4
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    Rise

  5. #5
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    Again rise

  6. #6
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    Some fucking peep this shit.I will git to yours.

  7. #7
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3
    Alright this was ok...the thing that's really annoying in your verse is that you kept saying "say..away..." ect ect which kinda got me bored. This concept is played out. The approach you took was played out too, adding to the fact this is more bored. Your flow needs help. Start using vocab, and metaphors. Similies too. You've got grammar problems..correct that. the imaginary was ok and the emotion was ok, overall this was a ok piece..just elevate some..peace.

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    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  8. #8
    mz.blaze
    Guest
    I liked tha topic- i think you coulda approached a little differently. It just moved real slow, and it could of have better vocab.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Brooklyn
    Age
    36
    Posts
    182
    Battle Record
    7-3
    the topic was good but like ITawapuddykat said u used say and away etc to much

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