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Thread: Battle Of The Gods:The Sacrifice.

  1. #1
    God's Deciple
    Guest

    Battle Of The Gods:The Sacrifice.

    B a t t l e O f T h e G o d s:T h e S a c r i f i c e.


    Location: Vietnam
    Time: 3:45
    ______________


    Soldier:Percy Peterson


    Look out towards the sky,white clouds and clear blue
    Thinking "Am i going to die?",i search more for the truth
    Guarding myself and watch closely,death is soon to arrive
    Death is all i think surrounds me,living is what i strive
    Been out here for days,and it seems that nothing has happen
    Trying to avoid the sun's rays...Than as soon as i pick up my pen...
    A barrage of bullets start hitting,and the fight has finally began
    Put down my pen...Hide the letter away in my pocket and ran
    I dodge as fast as i can,trying to avoid from being hit
    See a fellow soldier in need,than felt a bullet,my skin ripped
    I make it all the way......Throw him on top of me run
    Start thinking of how this day,was all for experience and fun
    Making it to the bunker,the medics got the equipment
    He was losing too much blood,he began to illusanate shit
    Told him "Your going to be okay",but wasnt sure of it
    He bit his tounge,his skin split,medics tried to knit his rip
    I went back to the field ready,and wipe off the mud
    Only to find in less than minutes,a flood full of blood
    Thought to myself for a few seconds,i look all around
    "If i perish today,Rather with honor,than just to be brought down"
    Quickly i run and shoot,again i find another man injured
    In tears i find there,him sobbing waving his hand in air
    I pick him up and ask him,"Why must you cry,just stay strong"
    He tells me he has a family,he promised them to be home
    Anger rages in me,i build up my might,and protect him
    Together we reached half way,than suddenly my vision is dim
    My legs have stopped,realizing i have been shot on the side
    A car approches but only 1 space availible,i tell him to ride
    He stops and haults,He says "Iam not going,i must stay"
    I than push him inside close the door,and the car goes away
    I could hear his screams,knowing that he didnt want to leave
    I pull up my sleeve,bloody,i felt a sign of relieve with this deed
    An enemy soons comes up to attack,i grab my knife and heave
    Blood goozing from his chest,i run and quickly i leave
    A sudden pain in my chest,i stop behind a wall to rest
    Only to see iv been hurt again,i than grab my crest
    The past comes to me,and than loudly i start to pray
    Thinking of how my life has gone,and how i reached this day
    Slowly my eyes start to close,i notice my blood is what i lacked
    Heavy breathing started,eyes closed fully,and all i saw was black....
    .........

  2. #2
    God's Deciple
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  3. #3
    Banned
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    Now..this has sum serious thought put into it....i'm quite impressed by the strucutre..it remained perfect thought out the whole time...nice peice..i was feelin the topic..flow was consistantly smooth and the rhymes were good and complex...vocab was upped to a good level and i'm seein you do improve and well done..i liked this drop a lot..overall 9.6/10...keep it up..homie

  4. #4
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    Rise

  5. #5
    Newbie bajterfobia's Avatar
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    this piece impressed me.. I think you did pretty good on the subject, and stayed to it. The flow could get a little more better, but it was ok.

    my favourite lines was:

    Been out here for days,and it seems that nothing has happen
    Trying to avoid the sun's rays...Than as soon as i pick up my pen...


    keep writing
    Phobia.. yes

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Black Hornet's Avatar
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    tight flow and good topic yo. you had good structure and intricate rhyme scheme. keep it up man

  7. #7
    Banned
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    nice drop very tight 9/10 keep it rolling

  8. #8
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    Rise. Someone with an om leave feedback please.

  9. #9
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    ....

  10. #10
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    now this i thought was quite creative, the emotion was nice, the imagery was there also i was feeling this god, you still need a little work but u are getting to where you wanna be and that writing solid shit....nice structure and a okay vocab man
    AI

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  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    yo lets do this you drop ya shit first aight lets cya verse
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    2 Days Ago #2
    pyro2472
    Flyweight



    From: Watts Los Angeles
    Age: 13
    Status: Online
    IP: C4B9 8F50


    cmon dude
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    1 Day Ago #3
    pyro2472
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    From: Watts Los Angeles
    Age: 13
    Status: Online
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    wat happended man wat bout ya verse
    he must have been scared pussyed out to got first
    westcoast is the rawest so watch ya set
    new u was a trick and u havent even spitted yet
    new u was a trick cause ya name g plex
    this dudes time is thru... next
    the classic stroy of a dude to afraid to ryme
    u would be a decent rapper if u had skill, style, and punchlines
    but to bad u dont
    maybe he'll rap bak or maybe he wont
    dont matter he could even touch my flames wit water
    my mic will cut ya cuase u gettin lyricaly slaughterd
    calls himself real how pethetic
    the answers right in front of him but he dont even get it
    the answer is u a snitch aka a wannabe
    and i think we all no whos the better emcee
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    1 Day Ago #4
    pyro2472
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    From: Watts Los Angeles
    Age: 13
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    ok even u was supposed to go first i did so now drop ur verse asap dont matter how long it is
    __________________
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    1 Day Ago #5
    G Plex"
    Noweight

    Status: Offline
    IP: 5D2B CB2A


    yo, i cant remember wanting a battle, but aite, no worries
    checkin in, ima drop a verse,
    gimme couple of minutes aite..

    G Plex"
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    1 Day Ago #6
    pyro2472
    Flyweight



    From: Watts Los Angeles
    Age: 13
    Status: Online
    IP: C4B9 8F50


    dude u pmed me about it u said u drop first but u never did
    __________________
    War comes and goes but my soldiers stay eternal-2pac

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    1 Day Ago #7
    G Plex"
    Noweight

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    sorry dude, ima drop now aite..........................

    G Plex"
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    1 Day Ago #8
    pyro2472
    Flyweight



    From: Watts Los Angeles
    Age: 13
    Status: Online
    IP: C4B9 8F50


    ya ok fine
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    1 Day Ago #9
    G Plex"
    Noweight

    Status: Offline
    IP: 5D2B CB2A


    aite,
    man, im so sick and tired, fed up of people just like you/
    acting all hard and gangster, but i see right thru/
    you only `hard` cuz men are the only thing that excite you/
    yo, you say you a flyweight/
    well, you chose to battle me, now you gonna die mate/
    ima like a shark, and phyro is like my bait/
    i chew you up, and spit you out, dog you cant mess wit fate/
    man, you spit up more shit, than a sick asmatic/
    i give you a pat on the back, shame you just cant hack it/ faggot/
    dog, you gonna end up like Pac "The rapper who was slain"/
    but unlike him, nobodys gonna remember your name/

    G Plex"
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    1 Day Ago #10
    G Plex"
    Noweight

    Status: Offline
    IP: 5D2B CB2A


    aite man, it wasnt the best, but o well.....
    nice verse by you tho.....

    it was aight

  12. #12
    TwixSin
    Guest
    good to see the next level still has skill...

    *reading*

  13. #13
    God's Deciple
    Guest
    ^I recently got into topicals.Im mostly text,but im trying topicals for a little while.And thanx,ill check all of your oms.

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