corner store knock off

[mac20]

this is from another site...makaveli is in my crew, so is bnk.....

young mac(me): blue
mavaveli soldier: red

yo mac u see that corner store down the street//
Lets get in and out with the cash and be discreet//
yo im freezin my ass of but my heat is keepin me warmer
hit bnk up and tell him 2 be ready to bring a getaway 2 tha corner
Bnk keep this shit runnin so we can hop in a dash//
Get in our way ill pistol whip them and leave whip lashed//
im a lil nervous fuck it mak its now or or never
ima go in and hold people down u get tha cheddar

we walk in…

i pulled my magnum quicker than an anxious virgin
its about to get cummin soon cuz them bullets gon be splurgin
If anybody moves in this bitch ill shoot them wit the beretta//
Fuck that nigga u get that cash man u know my aim is better//
i make my way 2 the register yo bitch empty that and open the safe
so lay on the floor dont hit no buttons i dont want a chase
Shit man thats the alarm shoot that dumb whore//
Leave everyone in this bitch bloody in there own gore//
One shot 2 the dome wit the chrome now she on the floor
Grabbed the sack of cash and dashed straight 2 tha door
ran to the car bnk u ready to drive the po po on our ass//
aint got much time left see the sand pourin out the hourglass//
oh shit bnk hit this turn fast 5-0 rammin us on the side we need 2 pass
this is like a nascar race playa cept we commin in a place that’s last

bnk dies in the car crash

Fuck it lets go on foot this car is trashed grab the cash//
mac use the uzi look out for the cops and be ready to blast//
shit them pigs is on our tail but my magnums bout to eat some bacon
ima smoke them like bomb ass jamaican, its no use run before our lifes taken!!!
Ah shit nigga im hit in the back fallin to the ground bleeding//
Layin there dieing feelin the pain of the bullet with my back aching//
Oh no mak!!! u gotta make it, u here wut i said homie u cant be dead
Ahh my leg filled wit lead, now theres one in my chest then one in my head…..
the cash spills everywhere.....

[<Supreme>]

good rhyming thruout
Mainly good structure and it flowed
Good topic(s) to spit about, and i liked how it was like a conversation
8.5/10

[mac20]

good look man....we came up wit this shit quick 2...we were just goin bar 4 bar wit eachother.....i uno it all worked out into some good shit...haha....on3

[Mistral]

2 links or this gets closed.

[mac20]

2 links???

[mac20]

uppin

[SinAmen]

lol @ this. Kinda funny that you talking gangster over text. Advice - Stop that.

[mac20]

suck a dick.....uppin...

[OnKor]

This was really bad. Good flow, thats it. Mainstream rap sucks 'n this reminded me of that. No one cares if you robbed a store wit ya buddy. I'd suggest getting a better topic, adding wordplay and multis
Keep spittin'

[EyeBite]

This was really bad. Good flow, thats it. Mainstream rap sucks 'n this reminded me of that. No one cares if you robbed a store wit ya buddy. I'd suggest getting a better topic, adding wordplay and multis
Keep spittin'

yea....this wasnt all that good...flow was just about the only good thing in diss...topiuc was not interesting...rhymes were too simple...elevate is all i can say..peace