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Thread: One Armed Scissor

  1. #1
    PhillyKat
    Guest

    One Armed Scissor

    Halfway showin through the slit in the door
    A silvery metal like what you get in the war
    My hand tries the knob, its stuck
    No luck, with a little strength
    The object on the floor, mysterious at length
    I bend down to a catchers squat
    To see what the room had brought
    I pull it to my side, a one armed scissor
    The top of it left, wet like dipped in a river
    It wasn’t red when I bought it
    Pushin the door like I’ve lost it
    There feels like something’s propped on the other side
    As I begin to kick, to see what another hides
    I’m furious, at the same time so curious
    No more of this, questioning want to be cured of this
    Were there previous signs that I might have missed

    Leave links, this is part of a collab.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    its deep...seems like ya didnt finish it

  4. #4
    No more of this, questioning want to be cured of this
    Maybe you could fix that line up a bit, it didn't sound right to me. Also the image is a little unclear but good job.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    Battle Record
    2-1
    ^^^ agree but beside that good structure and flow and metaphors....

  6. #6
    PhillyKat
    Guest
    uppin, leave links

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    5,480
    Battle Record
    12-1
    hye this was pretty good....way too short thoguh..i was feelin it and it was cut to short if it went on longer i may have enjoyed this even more..overall tis was tight..rhymes were good topic was interesting and way different....vocab was iight..pretty normal....keep it up..peace--

    leave feedd on my om thanks > http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=255483

  8. #8
    PhillyKat
    Guest
    thanks, up

  9. #9
    PhillyKat
    Guest
    rise

  10. #10
    PhillyKat
    Guest
    leave links, uppin

  11. #11
    Let's hug it out, bitch Ari Gold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    36
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    Battle Record
    14-7
    it was good. I liked the metaphors used. Good flow and structure too. Post the rest of the collab once its complete, im interested in reading more.

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256133

  12. #12
    PhillyKat
    Guest
    up.

  13. #13
    Newbie BrutalB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Age
    43
    Posts
    23
    pretty deep, collab, flows rhyme well within each other, love to hear the rest, up it up

  14. #14
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    2,341
    Battle Record
    16-1
    i liked it it could have been better if u made it longer cuz it was gettin intersting towards the middle....u should use more metaphors ....(makes it more attractive)
    good job on it elevate ma dude

  15. #15
    Smoker The Joker
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Dublin ,Ga
    Posts
    4,468
    Battle Record
    9-3
    nice job on this open mic but i felt u picked me up with verse and dropped me cauze u cut it off so soon but good vocab and flow, and structure but u could lengthen it
    Juan

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