What do u take it as

[Mc LIve]

Just something that was in my head for a while let me no wat u think

[Mc LIve]

As a man wonder of fame makes him change
lanes in vain a flow so simple and plain
has the struggle in his heart thou as art so insain
so no that he have the potential to be potient
exploiten every mc's weakness is his notion
a potient of success he wear a vest to cover his chest
but whos got his rear and respect demanden respect
get his heart neglect he turn away for a job with a check
in stead hes faces a threat on the corna of theives and tricks
hustlas and prick does he really no the list hes a soldier but he
hasnt inlist daughters growin up now and his girl is piss't
shes slits her rest ready to leave she rolls down her sleeve
but the world is being dacived with wet finger tips bloods drip
on the ground in the concrete jungle with all anger and no one to hug you
that little girl wants someone to love 2 is some on loveing you
or they just sprun because of you u no wat life is
its love that you get from giving to kids
thats wat it is..

[Mc LIve]

let me no wat u think people

[LostKlawz]

To be honest this is kind of weak but its not bad. Everyone has their unique style of writing. Your vocab was minimal with lots of spelling errors but thats not a big deal. It sounds like you wrote from the heart which is good. Overall you could elevate just keep writing youll get better.
Rating 5/10
Peep my open mic The Night Of Ecstasy
Thanks
LK

[Mc LIve]

thx