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Thread: Deaths Door

  1. #1
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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    Deaths Door

    percieving ideals and symbols inquiring more
    2 knocks and 1 whisper of a breath near a door
    da knob infatuates me and i start to clasp it tite
    opening ma heart in a door standing no 1 in sight
    ideas light up da room but da bulbs make it brite
    fire lights through some fumes and day turns nite
    engulfed by emptiness of a void in all pitch black
    in submission devils in flames dancing on ma back
    their grips release and sweat from ma head pours
    burnin sensations and vibrations make ma chest sore
    separating soul from body spirits begin to collide
    floatin in mid air looking down to stare am i alive?
    marching is a ruckus and streets catch a case
    numerals and names attatched to it by a face
    devils and angels tug ma limbs and throw roses
    ova ma casket as deaths door closes
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  2. #2
    Blessed. Tae Profit's Avatar
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    it was straight - but if not for the title and last line i wouldnt of knew what it was about, and it seemed like u were tryin too hard to be deep - it didnt capture me...
    flow, structure - as good as it gets... vocab was good inside the lines but outside - not so much

    7/10

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    ...Scytsophrenia...
    ...

    Cry|El Poeta|Tae Profit|TayTay|Silas|
    |Supernatural|JohnnyQuest|
    |Twixn|40grams|VaFinest|Lyricall NRG|
    |Caesar Augustus|...Paramik...|




    The Vatican...

  3. #3
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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  4. #4
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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    uppin dis for some more feedback on dis..................thnx.
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  5. #5
    yeah man his shit was ncie i was feeling it alot i loved the fact hat yuo had big vocab it made your flow better and evrything else dope good job
    8.5/10

  6. #6
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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  7. #7
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    It's pretty decent..nothing special because of its length, it could've grown to be a much better storyline and everything but you did well....Good job, keep it up and try making longer verses...like 25-40 lines...

    ~Nash

    Check "The Unsigned" in my sig...pure dopeness...

  8. #8
    Im -not- BacK
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    alrite drop
    rhymin ws simple
    flow ws gd
    structure ws gd
    gd read
    elevate ur rhymin and vocab
    no h8

  9. #9
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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    thnx to all of u..............uppin 1 for today............................
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  10. #10
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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    uppin......................................
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  11. #11
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    that was tight real dope
    8/10

  12. #12
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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  13. #13
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    I liked this cause it dealt with a portion of spirituality, and I like to see that ish in drops, not ya average "clipz n ho's" kinda deal nah mean? I like the imagery in this aswell, waitin for ya next piece.

    Peace.
    With the tone of this, Notice...
    An idea was born to the sword of focus.

  14. #14
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    ok drop
    kinda simple imo
    vocab was basic
    structure was nice and flow was
    two
    overall ok drop
    still could elevate


    Please Leave Feed On This Peice

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261144


    .

  15. #15
    killer instinctz!! ak-mixa's Avatar
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    uppin............................................. ...............
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