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Thread: Inconclusive

  1. January 6th, 2006, 03:51 PM #1
    Plexus
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    Inconclusive

    Destruction struck as his luck ran dry
    hes stuck in life cuz the end cant die


    Resides south of the tracks in all poverty
    indesicive of future eyes, he stares properly
    accordingly he still fleas with peers in trouble
    yet mother still scratches the surface in double
    shoulders unsquare so cheat left when he runs
    heads on an unclear path leavin the rest stunned
    illusions fuck his vision left by stars in the making
    come to the fork unseeing, chooses left as taking
    "pop pop"..cups his ears in the absence of silents
    soccor riots uncompareble to the southern violence
    science uneffective in struggle for his exsistence
    ina single instince he bends from love to resistence
    past was tense, future seems flinchless in pursue
    sees his road shortening as younger kids curfews
    spews the spirit of his life as if the reeper took it
    books it as markings in life, to keep her shookin



    Lays gasping for air as the spirit fades black
    A dark outline hovers over him......IM BACK!!


    my story is inconclusive as well as his life...hence the name
    use your imagination
    Monster's Ink

    2xOMHoF


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  2. January 6th, 2006, 03:52 PM #2
    Plexus
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    heres my links

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=262692
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=262736
    Monster's Ink

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  3. January 6th, 2006, 03:52 PM #3
    $-snakeoz-$
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    I Wana Battle U Bitch
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  4. January 6th, 2006, 03:54 PM #4
    Plexus
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    LMAO ummm dont care

    real feed please
    Monster's Ink

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  5. January 6th, 2006, 04:07 PM #5
    sizzle365
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    It flows rather well, and you have great word usage, but the story feels broken to me. Sorta feels like I am jumping around in yoru mind from thought to thought. Overall, I think it is pretty good though.
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  6. January 6th, 2006, 04:52 PM #6
    ItsCyrious
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    i really like the lyrics to this...the wurd play is crazy...it makes me wanna read it over and over again so i can really GET IT..jus like a good movie...i like that about..u kinda make it seem like he is gonna die when really he cant?...if thats the point ur gettin across then i got it...if not il read it twice more, lol...structure good, vocab good...all in all its well thought out and put together...

    keep it up
    -Shellz
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  7. January 6th, 2006, 05:00 PM #7
    EyeCandy
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    hmmm gud use of imagery i like it... niice vocabulary, n gud flo... keep dat shiiit poppin!!!

    (*^^^ayo shellz delete ya pmz kid)
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''
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  8. January 6th, 2006, 05:04 PM #8
    Philly®
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    fuck you and your dopeness..........j/k......this was a good read vocab was very good......visual was also great....but fuck you n your conclusion..i wanna read more....now make a prt. 2 or else.......n thanks for the feed on my om

    Pz
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  9. January 6th, 2006, 05:08 PM #9
    Plexus
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    part 2???....how can i do that its pose to be inconclusive...hence the name lol....but if i figure a way to that ill do it

    thanks for the feed
    Monster's Ink

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  10. January 6th, 2006, 05:53 PM #10
    status_unknown
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    I dug the progression of what you were saying, How your concepts transitioned into one another. That's what really helped this read smoothly. The air concept, the key/locked in idea. How you started with those and finished with 'em was dope.
    Plus, the microphone, stage, metaphors was fresh. Nice drop man. It was interesting.
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  11. January 6th, 2006, 06:55 PM #11
    Plexus
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    umm thanks for the feed yall

    uppin for more
    Monster's Ink

    2xOMHoF


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  12. January 6th, 2006, 07:20 PM #12
    Untold.
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    damn tum, this was dope. shit was nice. had the flow and vocab on point. and i see how everything tied into each other. that was really dope as well. your imagery, damn. painted a pic for a nigga and kept me reading the whole time, so that ups it alot, lol. still, keep this shit up and keep drop'n dope.

    pz.
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  13. January 6th, 2006, 07:27 PM #13
    NRG
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    dope tum, with the flow, the vocab was all targeted right wich made it clear of what yur talkin about, alot of people using poverty in there first lines but that doesn't stop that from bein dope, and word to untold it draws a picture in yur mind, it all comes together, nice work...pz.

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  14. January 6th, 2006, 11:42 PM #14
    big j da fat boy
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    yo this was a nice piece are you sure you only 10 man you got some deep shit to be that young but keep at it man
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  15. January 7th, 2006, 12:50 PM #15
    EyeCandy
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    talent man.. fa real....
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''
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