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Thread: I Am What I Am

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    I Am What I Am

    I feel like the world is against me
    I知 searching for one true smile that is friendly
    I figured I could handle one setback at a time
    but there's too many at once, life turned on a dime
    heart-broken, alone, I think I can handle
    just wait for tougher layers to form over the shambles
    family gonna split and I think this is it
    I知 about to pack up and run away from all this
    perhaps go to college and gather new knowledge
    but they saw what I had to offer and said they don't want it
    I知 starting to see that nobody does
    I知 feeling no love and wish it could go back how it was
    but I know that it can't and it hurts deep inside
    why can't I just for once in my life get a free ride?
    no use looking up 'cause the clouds are still black
    time only flows forward and never goes back

    [chorus 2x]
    I am what I am and I can't change the fact
    that I can't have the vastness and class of all that
    I love what I love and I hate what I hate
    I知 gonna change my fate 'cause fate's what I make it

    I知 thinking that god may be angry
    for what I don't know but it's directed right at me
    one thing goes right, two others go wrong
    two steps back and one front was true all along
    I知 slowly descending into this hellish abyss
    fingers curl into fists due to all I have missed
    there's nothing I can do to change the way that I live
    no matter how much I try and how much I give
    no matter the blood that I shed, or the tears, or the sweat
    no such love till my death, I fear my fate is dead set
    my best bet is not to cry or to plead for a break
    but to fight for me life because my life is at stake
    all the strife in my life is a plight I must take
    cause it follows me everywhere and there's no reason to run
    I must try to make something out of a life in the slums
    the only way is up because the worst damage is done

    [chorus 2x]
    I am what I am and I can't change the fact
    that I can't have the vastness and class of all that
    I love what I love and I hate what I hate
    I知 gonna change my fate 'cause fate's what I make it

    I have a thirst for revenge and need revenge for the hurt
    祖ause I知 bursting with rage for each page that is turned
    I知 burned from the fire of desire that's cursed
    these things are the worst but it'll be worse when I知 king
    'cause I知 first on the scene with the verses I bring
    each of the words that I spurt are not meant for the sting
    but to relieve some of the pressure from the gestures received
    it's not meant to deceive but they think it's best to believe
    that if you try your very hardest you will get all your dreams
    I pray in the hopes that what they say is correct
    if so than I know that I知 grabbing respect
    some of the plans that I have as a man of this sect
    yes, is to release some of the stress that I have on my chest
    but also to show that I can strive for more
    in order to get more for me than life had in store
    my heart痴 about to sweat out through each pore to open these doors

    [Chorus 2x]
    I am what I am and I can't change the fact
    that I can't have the vastness and class of all that
    I love what I love and I hate what I hate
    I知 gonna change my fate 'cause fate's what I make it


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263288
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268039
    Last edited by Paragon; January 29th, 2006 at 12:29 AM

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    uppin for feedback

  3. #3
    LyRiCaL sHiNoBi Devils_Diamond's Avatar
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    yo tight chorus, good first verse as well, your wordplay was decent, and your vocab shined a little more, the flow of this piece was what stood out to me the most, good creativity and concept, i see alot of potential in ya. be sure to post more. stay up

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    Im that supernova Recruit Troopa Soulja,
    Takin out Brutes as Huge as Boulders

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    thanks for the feed. i personally like the last verse the most, but thanks for that. i'll post more open mics, no worries about that

  5. #5
    J.Christ
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    'cause I知 first on the scene with the verses I bring
    each of the words that I spurt are not meant for the sting
    but to relieve some of the pressure from the gestures received
    it's not meant to deceive but they think it's best to believe
    that if you try your very hardest you will get all your dreams
    true .

    This was nice, I mean from my point of view . You lucky im on this Tether (House Arrest) wouldnt have even read past the first verse . But keep on goin sonny i was feelin it .
    Word play .. nice
    Couple punchlines ..
    Imagery .. O.k.

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    thanks for the feedback, much appreciated. that's my favorite part too...

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    uppin

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    can someone please provide feeback? i'll return the favor twice.

  9. #9
    The Mob.
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    coulda did better weren't really creative bad way too start N' ur structure N' wording was so-so just elavate N' get creative
    The words I write are oxygen to greatness.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    thanks for the feedback... though it seems like peeps be reading just the first verse... you know, it really does warm up from there, lol...
    Last edited by Paragon; January 29th, 2006 at 11:11 PM

  11. #11
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    decent all round, need a lil more elavation, creativity wouldent hurt either
    Wins:11
    Losses:8


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  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    hit up my battle if ya got time man
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268613
    Wins:11
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  13. #13
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    nice verse but it coulb be better tho
    need a lil bit more evelation , but keep up
    u got skillz
    [FONT=Tahoma]>ALLAH<



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    Open Mic


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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! reincarnation's Avatar
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    I Liked the chorus on this piece also jo, just need more vocabulary and deeper lines making it seem deeper, just elevate homiie and keep writting
    Close dis shit:

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  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Paragon's Avatar
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    thanks for all the feed, i'll keep it in mind.


    crunk king, i'll give you feedback tomorrow, i'm really tired right now... peace all

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