Living To Die

[Axis]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...24#post4060624
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=276403

Itz like a war in my membrane, its causing a stem change
Like I'm awake but still talk and walk in the REM stage*
My eyez wide open but still don't see whats ahead of me
Not that it matter, because society is already dead to me
I'm steadily fading out of complete known exsistance
And the world is pushing down, it seems so persistent
I'm lost and I fear I'll never be found
Irrational people always forever shutting me down
I'm a wilted flower, once o so beautiful
Now all crinkled and pused back like a cutical
Is it my fault nobody listens to what I say
Whenever I open my mouth, I'm told to shut my face
I'm put back in my place, the back of the line
I'm ready to explode if I'm slapped on more time
Havin' the same thouhts ever since I was an embryo
Just keep waiting for God to send me hom......

[No Hook Yet]

My life is so crooked, never like the crow flys*
Because every other fuckin' day someone I know dies
The sorrow cries so loud whenever lifes in doubt
I battle just to breathe, Thatz what the fights about
But my lights knocked out, I'm out of fashion
My 'mind shot out' like a JFK re-anactment
Back and to the left, back and to the left
I'm completely missing a better section of my head
Better call me Elvis, Because I'm walking dead
Distorted fucking speech, I'm talking SPED*
Would people even notice if I fell off the earth
Or would people still live like I was never birthed
And it hurts to think these thoughts, but truth stings
I'm drifting away, I've got to many loose strings
You get used to things, The pain never sub-sides
I'm not living to live, I'm just living to Die!!

[doghead]

good stuff.. i didnt like how you just out yourself down.. goos issht is reality though...

ya head up


best lines: I'm completely missing a better section of my head
Better call me Elvis, Because I'm walking dead

[Axis]

Thnks...but thatz my life

[Axis]

*Bump*

[ITawAPuddyKat]

Meh, not really creative, but w/e. This was a good verse, alot of emotion is being developed in this, your hate of the world. Your imaginary was very descriptive and very potrait. Your approach was ok, I felt that you could've came different. The flow was good, the structure was good. Overall good verse, need to elevate though.

Leave a feedback on my New OM, Link in sig. Thanks.

[D. Jizzle.]

damn you gettin deep an insightful wit ya rhymes...i see you whach pleanty of movies too..neway this was a tite story wit a poem like feel to it..but most def a nice story i..job tha story teller...lol..this made me think fo sho..peace

[Axis]

^^
Thnks, bump

[GrimmyReaps]

i liked the topic it was good and very true,... livin to die thats what all of us are doin...
u were talkin about the way u fell about life like in the begginnig...society is dead to you and that my be true you just spilled out your feeelings...i liked that...i think u need more vocab that might have made the story line stick out and made it deeper but it was a good peice...