"When the Artist Cries"

[Atti]

The weight of a woman lands
on a blank face of woven slate,
as, creating glance is taking to be
not the easiest of beauty's tasks.
I hold a thin brush under grips
of cold finger tips, choking up,
hold alittle higher; stoke the
brittle strings of paper fiber
with a dripping bow soaked in mental
growth formulating paint strokes
while I orchestrate this instrumental.

Look forward into her porcelain
skin before I blink, shook my
sore head as swelling eyes widen
and her sight melts a mans mind
while staring into two pastel eyes.
With every past splash of green
I press to the head of this masterpiece
we grasp another golden moment
together in an ever lasting notion.

The lush greens always craved
the ready touch of a heavy brush
stroke, and although the choking
of swallows along a lungless throat
haunted the dawn of every hollow
ending to the beauty of a rising note;
She couldn't help but to follow me,
her eyes had died......................
It was I who decided to dye them envy.

The heart broken brush cried
a scared spectrum's dyeing shards
of love as I wiped his marred eyes
against a stretch of page to create fine art.
Her open portrait basked in the last
intuition of a past moments unfortunate
collapse as the final draft of confliction
styled her beautiful smile in disposition.

The doors part, she's on display,
Leonardo's love holds a piece of
his soul, and you can see Mona Lisa's
every reflecting emotion attending
.......... Depending on your day.


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278692
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278899

[terep]

was an ok drop blud, needs a bit of tightnein, but u got ya shit together man, keep it up ~(Y)

[terep]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/member.php?u=49933


return the favour

[Seneka]

It's good, maybe this is you on your off days or something since you seem to be a talented rapper on this forum. I think great defining raps are spontaneous and not forced, maybe that's what you tried, but I could be wrong, overall though, it is good so keep writing and improving on what you have already.

[Atti]

Mmmm, nope not an off day I guess I just suck at rapping

[EYE RONIC]

Lmao @ these other kids saying you're not that good. But check it.

The lush greens always craved
the ready touch of a heavy brush
stroke, and although the choking
of swallows along a lungless throat
haunted the dawn of every hollow
ending to the beauty of a rising note;
She couldn't help but to follow me,
her eyes had died......................
It was I who decided to dye them envy.

The heart broken brush cried
a scared spectrum's dyeing shards
of love as I wiped his marred eyes
against a stretch of page to create fine art.
Her open portrait basked in the last
intuition of a past moments unfortunate
collapse as the final draft of confliction
styled her beautiful smile in disposition

Best stanzas ^, because you bestowed heavy amounts of vocabulary and visuals right from the start. The emotions contributed to the rest of the piece, and thats always good, in this situation, it was great. This had a pensive, sort of tragical environment which only some can relate to, and for some reason I enjoy seeing that uniqueness from you. You're a unique kid bro, we should meet up sometime in Westfarms Mall or Meriden Square or something. Good read.

[Atti]

Lol, thanks for re-building my self-esteem

[Twixn...]

hmmm i liked how you ended it... you almost flipped it like you would a battle punch... good work here... very poetic so not much for multies that i could see in here.. but seemed to just flow well just as a writen peice rhyme aside... nice work here... got me think a little... props.

keep writing man... your on a steady uprise.

[juvi]

I think you did good man. way to paint a picture with your lyrics/words lol

[rapboy]

hey man its good afta all but i think u ahave a lil bad prop. with ur flow dats all and ur
vocad : 7/10
structure : 8/10
and her's ma fav. verse man
The heart broken brush cried
a scared spectrum's dyeing shards
of love as I wiped his marred eyes
against a stretch of page to create fine art.
Her open portrait basked in the last
intuition of a past moments unfortunate
collapse as the final draft of confliction
styled her beautiful smile in disposition

nice job dude ....keep posting

[Script Flippa]

lol...this dudes gonna say 7 outa ten for vocab...and he spelt it...vocad

[Atti]

Lol ya *Shrug* And there's nothing wrong with the flow, it's just more complex than rhyming soley at the end of each line... But when you read it I garentee the flow never falls off

[Saint Jerzey]

Lmao @ these other kids saying you're not that good. But check it.



Best stanzas ^, because you bestowed heavy amounts of vocabulary and visuals right from the start. The emotions contributed to the rest of the piece, and thats always good, in this situation, it was great. This had a pensive, sort of tragical environment which only some can relate to, and for some reason I enjoy seeing that uniqueness from you. You're a unique kid bro, we should meet up sometime in Westfarms Mall or Meriden Square or something. Good read.

Word^

[Jaden.]

Word^

i agree to what you just agreed to..lol

watch everyone else do the same

[Atti]

Haha ya... It's so funny


, Glad to see you guys are having such a good time freeposting in my thread. Why don't you stop being gay and leave an actual responce.