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Thread: Dreams

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Dreams

    Yeah.... Dyl here
    I invite you to something... interesting...
    where i explain my dreams....
    or should i say nightmares...






    Enter into the righteous mind of a poet lost in time,
    im lost in rhymes... and i paid the cost for life...
    racism, we get lost and fight over black and white,
    its just color, like the difference between lemon and lime,
    same taste, we get beat up until our joints are bruised
    just because of skin color and our different points of view
    we must... annoint the abused and appoint the accused
    we've separated, i think its time we rejoin and fuse,
    I dont sleep, thoughts of emcees im roasting,
    thoughts of fine wine toasting, glamorous boasting,
    so many thoughts i feel like my brain's exploding,
    focusing on the right path, but nobody wants to show me,
    i dont claim to be a monk, but i practice meditation,
    honestly, its my best attempt to unleash my frustrations
    get rid of my temptations, its my mental constopation
    itll be eighty centuries before im placed on sindication
    dreams to serve emcees, with no certainty,
    itll be years before the Earth had ever heard of me,
    currently attempting to attain currency certainly,
    urgently attaining a bad reputation purposely,
    searching for authenticity, straying away from simplicity,
    lyrically mastered, but trying to change myself physically,
    couldnt count my aspirations, deep inside mentally
    but im sure that eventually you're gonna get sick of me,
    looking for love, but yet to find an ounce of pleasure,
    its like being without a map, searching for buried treasure
    my dreams extend my brain until its too long to measure,
    i may talk a lot of shit, but i doubt ill ever get her whatsoever
    i deeply truly love her, but due to my largeness
    im balled up like a paper ball and thrown into the garbage,
    man dont get me started, she probably thinks im retarded,
    its like being in Iraq at war, and im the platoon seargant,
    no hope for victory, even though im ill and spit
    and im legitimate doesnt mean you're gonna be feelin it,
    as for your blood, you're gonna be spillin it,
    i dont gotta say it, you already know i got skill and shit...

    These... Are.... My.... Dreams

    Inside my mental prison, searching for realism is my mission,
    beyond any prisms, when it find it, it becomes my baptism,
    with a face thats crimson, but a mouth that forces you to listen,
    you dont know what this is... congradulations, you're an idiot,
    scary petuitary... causing growth spurt of a giant in me,
    beyond my proximity with electricity, applying the heat
    you can keep your money, cause there is no denying the streets,
    ride in you're plush car seat, while i continue riding the beat,
    for all you laymens, let me break it, and try to explain
    that im striving for a perfection that no human can attain,
    but i wont give it up, even if it drives me insane,
    and forces me to hijack a plane, crash it so it goes up in flames,
    i no longer have beliefs, ill fight against you're authority,
    im wired like i just swallowed eighty cups of coffee see,
    ive always hated life, so i dont see any use in mourning me,
    soon ill properly placed on a pedestal to escape my poverty
    i hardly think before i speak on who i used to be,
    i used to lose, but soon i choose to come to you and me
    but I unleash the fool in me, a youth thats free,
    dont believe, its alright, just wait, soon you'll see,
    i step it up another level, onward towards the war,
    battle you more, till i return sore if i even return at all,
    i could have a wine cup filled, or have my blood spilled
    all over the sands of Baghdad, worthlessly killed,
    stare into my closet, sixteen cami black and green suits,
    prepared my uniform, im armed, strapped on my boots,
    be prepared, cause everything matters on the decision you choose,
    if this is life, then death is the best thing to happen to you
    looking up at Zeus, wondering what he would do,
    staring into the eyes of a youth, no fuckin way i could shoot,
    so i placed my rifle on the ground, dont care if i lose
    now im caught in the crossfire, consider me a cooked goose,
    all these dead bodies sewn like a blanket of souls,
    i was shown that i wont live to see the Earth explode,
    maybe my spirit with live on, perhaps i could be cloned
    but my biggest fear in life is to die alone....


    I.... Am..... Dyl
    These are my Dreams
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Last edited by Dyl; March 9th, 2006 at 03:47 PM
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Lets get some feed people
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    rise
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  5. #5
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    i liked this somewhat the rhyme scheme was actually above average and on point...nice structure help made it look more proper and cleaner to read, the imagery was pretty good here i think you could of been a bit more vivid however, the emotion is what got me i felt little in this but not much..but hey maybe emotion isn't important in a piece like this...maybe its just me because i love to read pieces with emotion it gives a nice feel to the poem....anyways decent shit man....
    AI

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  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Thanks for feedback bro.

    uppin this
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  7. #7
    Elite.-
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    i liked this it was very intellectual u got mad talent son im feelin tha style of this poem
    mad props
    scytsophrenia

  8. #8
    r!PpER
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    yea its a good piece man, flow is very good, i liked the structure, it kept me reading, the only thing missing is some more original lines, rhymes, mets, i know its hard to make em, but u can get that done in time.

    overall its a good piece, keep up the good work

  9. #9
    Banned ghostflow's Avatar
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    str8 piece........

    the flow was smooth, but the topic was common. nuttin uniqe about it. but you had a nice concept to it. i felt how you stukc to the topic also, real claer to read as well. the structure was set up nice, with the multies. this piece had a good imagry as well...good drop fams.....

    chekc the sig for my OM....

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    uppin this
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    uppin again for the people
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  12. #12
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    this shit was chronik man...nice shit dawg....u should join SS....anyways nice vocab imagery and flow to this.......it was interesting man nice emotions.....i liked how it fell alll in place dawg uppin this shit man....

    RTF on the om in my sig dawg!!!
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  13. #13
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    DYL get to RAW inc thread homes......its my crew....only by ionvite mostly.....come on by.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  14. #14
    Im -not- BacK
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    this was a gd drop
    the structure was consistent thruout
    the flow also was consistent
    the rhymin in this piece was gd
    the imagery in this piece was ight, but cuda bin bit stronger
    this also applies to the emotion
    from the title i cud tell tht it was gonna b a topical, so i expected stronger emotion and imagery thn u put in, however it was gd

    work on:
    your emotion and imagery, bring in more similes, metas, personification etc.
    develop your vocab slightly, but not too much or it will get complicated
    Don't Do Drugs EP is coming soon.

    Remember Me?

  15. #15
    Banned
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    yeah pretty nice writing dyl fosho.. flow was kept solid all the .. i prefer to have a seen a lil more varition in the flow.. and perhaps a couple more mettas to add deepness to the piece
    had some interesting parts still...had sum nice imageries cudda matbe had a little more visual imagery tho
    had quite a lot of dope rhymes still.. landed on point n worked well.. vocab was good enuff. and had some good emotion in the piece

    yeah ddod works

    pz1

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