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Thread: Enough....

  1. April 14th, 2006, 10:53 PM #1
    .Vamp
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    Enough....

    I wrote this last while hav'n a argument wit my gurl...Its The feelings i couldnt express Outward...So i put them to paper...IN about 15 minuets....

    Enough...


    What do u do when it gets to much..they jus wont hear anything you say
    No matter how hard u try to tell them how u feel they shrug and say OK
    Its nothin to them..They jus dont know That not only they have feelings
    Inside my soul is tortured but she dont care..She's got her angel wings..
    I've done all i could do to make this work...Gave myself over and over
    She wants her perfect life..and doesnt care who she has to steps over
    She plays games like lifes a playstation..and she has complete control
    But she doesnt realize all the things she's loosing, leaving he heart cold
    I've tried and tried but still she jus wont let the situation fuckin die
    I'm done trying to find The true her..Why should i care...WHY should i try
    How could i continue to try and understand a person when all they do is flee
    Why should i give my heart to someone who dispices me..Who says they hate me
    I cant help but to care..no one has ever shown me the emotion I get from her
    From being at rock bottom and still get compassion..how can HATE be the word
    I cant take these mixed feelings...First i'm Missed and now repulsed upon
    But now she's happy when i hold her...But 5 minuets ago she wanted me gone
    She tells me all these things she wants from me..but quick to turn'em down
    Whats should i do, What should i say,OOps WRONG..all that brought was frown
    Somebody please..Tell me what to do..I'm confused,Is there no right or wrong
    Enough is enough, The pain is too much...ENOUGH...damn..Why did it take this long

    Links soon...

    All Feed with links will be Returned with feed
    Last edited by .Vamp; April 14th, 2006 at 11:20 PM

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  2. April 14th, 2006, 10:55 PM #2
    .Vamp
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286537
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...03#post4311303
    Last edited by .Vamp; April 14th, 2006 at 11:01 PM

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  3. April 14th, 2006, 10:58 PM #3
    Chozn1
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    Im not really feelin this. It tok me a while to see what it was about. The rhyme scheme is cool though. And you got sum cool similie's. This is just OK.
    EDIT: 7/10 i get it now
    Last edited by Chozn1; April 14th, 2006 at 11:19 PM
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  4. April 14th, 2006, 11:19 PM #4
    Quest.
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    ok this was a good OM....structure was good....had strong emotion in it....loved the emotion..just the lay out of the whole OM made the emotion jump out...vocab was decent nothin to bad nothin to good...could have extended that out a lil bit....i usely write when i am fight with my gurl too...good source to let out feelings and shit...rhyme scheme was easily followed...overall good OM...on next OM drop stronger...peace

    hit up link: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...21#post4227421
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  5. April 14th, 2006, 11:19 PM #5
    Tony Brown
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    iight aint got much time to leave feed so.....

    ok, i seen better from you. internals would make the flow much better. emotion and imagery is good though but sometimes i feel you could have used different word choice, not necessarily a large vocab just better wording. pz
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  6. April 14th, 2006, 11:32 PM #6
    kid sick.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chozn1
    Im not really feelin this. It tok me a while to see what it was about. The rhyme scheme is cool though. And you got sum cool similie's. This is just OK.
    EDIT: 7/10 i get it now
    it tells you what it is about in the begining

    anyways,

    this was a decent peice, really feeling the emotion in it....can also relate to the topic they always play head games and shit....they fucking crazy, but what can you do?.....anyways, structure was good, vocab average.....maybe could have used multis but i can also understand that you were just wiritng this to express feelings so overall this was a nice peice, keep it up.

    ~1~
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  7. April 15th, 2006, 12:19 AM #7
    2hot2handle
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    It was decent, the vocab was simplistic. Not bad for 15 minutes. I dont give a shit how long it takes you. It seemed like a slower paced verse which is cool. The story was fine and it had emotion. Id like to see more imagery to depict a picture for the reader. It was average, not bad, but you can improve.

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  8. April 15th, 2006, 12:25 AM #8
    Spoken
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    this drop of an OM was not ur VERY best. its was GOOD but not ur best. ive seen WAY better work from you DVS.

    anyway.

    This drop had good imagery and feeling into it. it sorta put u in the same tight spot as u were in. EXCELLENT. i think thats wat made this drop good cuz it put us in ur shoes!
    the topic of choice was executed well, but vocab lacked. it was TOO SIMPLE!. but still it was AGAIN! all made up by GREAT EXECUTED FEELING/EMOTIONS and IMAGERY!
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  9. April 15th, 2006, 04:52 PM #9
    .Vamp
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    RIse for feed...

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  10. April 15th, 2006, 09:37 PM #10
    Kris Stubbs
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    anyway.


    Dvs, this peice at first i was thinkin eh, mediocre with the whole idea, and the way you were wording everything, but after about the first lines you really picked it up, and i could tell you were puttin more feelings into. I liked the imagery. vocab wasn't too impressive, but it wasn't basic either. The content overall was good. most people think this type of topics are played. But they happen to be my favorite, and i could really relate to what you were saying. Like i said, your feeling was really showing.
    Overall not your bad peice and of course just like everyone else said we have seen better from you....but i'm the only one that payed attention to this bit of detail i guess



    I wrote this last while hav'n a argument wit my gurl...Its The feelings i couldnt express Outward...So i put them to paper...IN about 15 minuets....

    So overall, dope drop for a 15 minute key.
    uh, which way did he go? which way did he gooo?
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  11. April 16th, 2006, 01:09 AM #11
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    Over all nice peace. Flow was nicly put. And structre was nice as well. Wordplay was great and Emotions was fair. 7-10. Nice story and keep it up D.
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  12. April 16th, 2006, 01:41 AM #12
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    The flow is alright, but I respect that it's about feelings. Not bad.
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  13. April 16th, 2006, 02:15 AM #13
    Devils_Diamond
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    Yeah I agree, I mean you started off strong, but then slowly and more evidently your flow started fallin off here n there. untill u weren't even rhymin no more, just the same word, which i feel ya trying ta get past emotion. and feel wat ya feeling. rather enjoyed this piece. stay up

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  14. April 16th, 2006, 02:18 AM #14
    .Vamp
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    ^^^ not one word was used twice as a rhyme..wtf are you talkin about...

    Read the top..its a 15 minuet peice

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  15. April 16th, 2006, 02:57 AM #15
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    Enough is enough, The pain is too much...ENOUGH...damn.


    ^^^???????????????

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