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Thread: "Passion of Christ"

  1. #1
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    "Passion of Christ"

    The Passion of Christ, the Lord our Savior,
    The passionate wife and mother that kept his faith strong,
    He died for our lives, to keep our minds in tact,
    And he struggled to fight for every life on the map


    Jesus Christ, the things Jesus Christ went through just to save us,
    The pain and stress that he felt and went through just to make us,
    What we are today, everyone out, callin his name,
    Up in the air, filled with fear, lightning struck, and down poured the rain,
    But lets start in the garden, it was later he died on the cross,
    The agony at the Mount of Olives, the blood that he lost,
    He had the weight of the world held up on his shoulders, heavy,
    He was only 33 years old, but God said he was ready,
    It was unbearing, sweat glands ruptured and blood vessels, they burst,
    He needed water to drink, but no one would refill his thirst,
    So he suffered, the jews beat him, and the Romans were next,
    They hit him so hard, his skin became infused with the whips,
    And then upon his head, they laid a crown full of thorns,
    Mary could only sit and watch, as her only child was torn,
    Up into pieces, tissue being ripped from every which limb,
    Everyone laughed and pointed and just stared at him in sin

    The Passion of Christ, the Lord our Savior,
    The passionate wife and mother that kept his faith strong,
    He died for our lives, to keep our minds in tact,
    And he struggled to fight for every life on the map


    They yelled "Crucify Him!", and made him carry his own death,
    Up the hill, three times he fell, dirt and rocks enter into his flesh,
    Pontious didn't think this was right, but its what the people wanted,
    So he sentenced him to be crucified, the people they taunted,
    Then they stripped him of his clothes, tied him down and started to hammer,
    The nails straight in his hands, in his feet, hung like a banner,
    The nerves that they hit, when the steaks went through his hands and feet,
    Caused his nervous system to malfunction, the pain, excrutiating,
    And he couldn't breathe, his lungs were filled with bloods and fluids,
    Couldn't eat, sleep, see, or think, let alone to try and speak to us,
    What kind of sick twisted minds would find this sight fun to see,
    Then a Roman came up beside him and speared him into the,
    Left side of his chest, 3 hours of continuous death and no less,
    They let the pain go on until he was nothing but a bloody mess,
    And at the end, Jesus let out one final cry to the Lord,
    "My God, Why Have You Forskaken me" were his very last words

    The Passion of Christ, the Lord our Savior,
    The passionate wife and mother that kept his faith strong,
    He died for our lives, to keep our minds in tact,
    And he struggled to fight for every life on the map


    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287573
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286605

  2. #2
    You are the selfish one! CrosT Over's Avatar
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    Nice Piece, I Felt The Emotions Behind It Which Is What Kept Me Into The Piece. Wordplay Was Descent And Sturcture Was Ok, But Like I Said Emotion Was What Made This Good For You....just Some Food For Thought With His Last Breath He Said Father Into You Hands I Give My Spirit
    I EMBRACED THE DARK SIDE WHEN YOU STOLE MY SON

  3. #3
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    This was a really good piece Def, and u said u couldnt do OM's... the structure was pretty good, some bars were a bit 2 long but not 2 bad, the flow was okay, coulda used a lil work here and there but all in all you kept it 2gether, the story was good, and i saw some emotion which always helps, rhymes were good but i didnt see ne multis,try rhymin 2 or 3 times in the line, it sounds better, shows u put some work into it and helps the flow alot. i liked the topic, ive never seen ne1 do something quite like this yet.. 2 bad u didnt drop it a couple days ago on easter... that woulda been dope..


    good spit man keep it up ima keep checkin up on ur OM's 2day cuz i have nuthin better 2 do than get my posts up..

    ~1~

  4. #4
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    thnx for tha feed uppin

  5. #5
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    uppin

  6. #6
    Eh, it was kind of bland for the topic being as this topic is one of those reaccuring themes here on Rb. It wasn't bad, it was just that I really didn't see anything unique that could, in my mind, allow me to call this yours. Rather, I just felt like a was reading lifeless words. The imagery wasnt too bad, probally one of your strongest points. The emotion was oooook, but again it really takes away from the overall vibe to be seeing the same material time after time. Uuum wording could have been alittle better. The flow in terms of rhyme and meter wasnt fine, but when it came to content you would place in things like:

    "What we are today, everyone out, callin his name,
    Up in the air, filled with fear, lightning struck, and down poured the rain,
    But lets start in the garden"


    If would have made the content flow alot better if you just went into talking about the Garden of Eden rather than so blatantly setting it up like that. When you do that it takes away from the pieces authenticity, and the pieces "here and now" feeling and you make it feel like your just that old guy in the rocking chair telling stories. Just overall makes the piece less engadging to a reader. So, overall this was a decent drop, I'd like to see you take a more creative approach with a more original concept next time though. Stay up man.

  7. #7
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    This was real deep....i was feelin the topic all the way...the imagery was definately here man i followed the whole peice...flow was nice and smooth made the peice much better than it originally is....rhymes were really good...nice multies here and there and overall this was a really nice peice..i enjoyed it...keep it up..peace~

    my fav. lines

    Left side of his chest, 3 hours of continuous death and no less,
    They let the pain go on until he was nothing but a bloody mess,
    And at the end, Jesus let out one final cry to the Lord,
    "My God, Why Have You Forskaken me" were his very last words
    this was deep what an excellent way to wrap everything up

  8. #8
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    Good piece. First off I'm going to say what I say to alot of people, cut down a little on the line length because it throws off the flow. Other than that a pretty nice piece here. Good imagery and vocab. Wording was nice, like I said sentences were a little long, but didn't throw off the story. All in all it was a fairly good piece. Props.

  9. #9
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Ok, dude, this wasn't a bad drop by all means. You told the story in rap quite well, but didn't make it flow as well as you could have. As a part-atheist, myself, I needed to be interested in thsi from the start, and I wasn't. You did keep me reading because you did tell the story, and never went off point. Your biggest downfall was NOT connecting couplets of rhymes.. you need to connect nearly all couplets for the flow to keep going. Use internals, connectors or just more multi's. Your intor was thebest part about your verse as it seemed from the heart. A lot of emotion there. Props, man..keep writing.

    -Brix.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  10. #10
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    thanx for all tha feed an pointers


    uppin

  11. #11
    Cap Com
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    didnt flow to much but I liked it good detail and you gave feeling in it. Good piece keepp it up.

  12. #12
    Adderall
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    this was a dope piece i was really feelin it, especially cuz the fact that im Catholic, and i know exactly what u was talkin about in perfect detail, he did suffer and die for us, and people dont even appreciate what they have now, and its all because of Jesus, our Savior and what he did for us....nice piece man, stay up 8.8/10

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! hYpoConDrAddict's Avatar
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    yupp ill agree, personally i like to see multi's in any flow, but in this piece u were on point wit the topic so much that i didnt really pay that much attension to that, really nice shit here, keep droppin kid

  14. #14
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    thnx for da feed uppin more feed

  15. #15
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    upp

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