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Thread: Hollywood ft. Darfur

  1. #1

    Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Pink- Hollywood
    Bold- Darfur

    I like totally only like art now, but movies-
    like the whole Cider House with Keanue Reeves.
    I don't like, want people to think I'm trying to be deep,
    like paint brush and eisle, teen angst, dying scene
    kids with dilated pupils crying to just... seem creepy.
    It's not a trend, I mean, I just really like that stuff,
    and the cafe is yumm, way cute- you just have to come.
    They have all these neato poetry reading thingies-
    where like, a poet reads this poem with... uh, emotion?
    It's so 10 spot, you've just got to come this moment!


    Toad's Coffee House: SLAM night


    "... and under your silicone smiles,
    a plastic sill spills a vile of hope!
    Hope- hope that this mile we choke
    wont keep feeding the smoke signals we wrote-
    Signals of blinking mascara plastered face;
    traffic nostalgia on the stair of plastic gaze-
    fantastic page patterned with masquerade!
    You're written in hieroglyphics for inner silo...
    all the while you seem to file self denial-
    for the sake of making miles brief!
    And we, we never cross- paths never meet.
    I just say who? ... Who? Who!? Who-
    Are you but a whole clothed model and feet
    ... but never, never these shoes."


    Haha! Oh bravo! Bravooooo!

    Do you see what I mean!? Oh my, Christine...
    we're so leaving Boulevard for totally broken dreams!

    So tomarrow, these dudes sing like all night-
    haha total bongo music, it's so called, like...
    Fund raiser style for some unknown country? whatevs
    Just uh, wear your camo and look sickly;
    ... haha we'll totally fit right in with those hippies :P


    The Nooke: Acustic Night



    Oooooh my... do you see that cutie pie on the left?
    Quick, give me the money so I
    can look my best, charity = gold in a Prada dress!

    The whole day Sunday, I was told this whole place
    is going to be covered with this local artists showcase-
    I totally can't wait; I'm wearing that bleeding heart shirt...
    maybe arm bands, and I so need one of those artsy skirts,
    you know, the ones with randomly markered words.
    I heard he's just really cute too/how are these shoes?
    - wait, with my chuck's this is going to be too cute!


    Dov Celles Showcase: Same Side, Different Glass


    Eh, I don't really take to any of this whole- emo paint.
    Like, everything is so fake, like those shades
    could never ever, any day go with that bold beige... nope.
    Ew, and look at this... that black thing is like a stick man-
    haha, I could put this together better with no hands.
    It's just so depressing even though you know it's faux,
    ick, this is just so dumb - I need a mocha frapo.




    A hungery eye runs free, for once, he's live-
    under the falsehood of beauty's sight
    the salt mines mind a fault in product of time.
    Falling over one another trying to spy the sprawling
    light as it tumbled from the dead man's final
    stand to soil from oil on canvas to sanded cries.

    He was so thirsty, so so thirsty was he.

    A brush stroke of hope couldn't hold him-
    bones exposed, soul and corroded limbs
    all blown across the moss his shadow thinned.
    Holding his poster close- dreams come true,
    maybe? "No! No! No!" screamed those few
    who knew him and his beautiful truth-
    as the sandled shooter reloaded to show example,
    and the sands flew into the open wounds of man's soul.
    Art hurts- under the gray blisters and scarred terms
    the paint is all that's left of tomorrow's Darfur.




    I totally am over this, haha can you say- stale fad?
    Let's go, we can still get over to that sale on Sax ave.




    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316649
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316701
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    holy fuckin shit man. seriously this was fuckin outrageous man damn!. just wow atti nice vocab and definatley creative and original.. to personalities put together in one and the flow of it never fell off!. your wording was just nicely assorted and the vocab was used with ease and finesse. nothing was forced and the content of this piece was high and emotion was deep. the creativity of a girlie girl and shit was cool aswell man...some of it was funny and really creative and unique and the bold was like a poet hitter of some kind of natural cause.. like the shit thats corrupting the world today yet the hollywod just looks at it blind kinda concept...cool man really i enjoyed this piece atti.

  3. #3

    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Appreciate the feedback man.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  4. #4

    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Wow, that's pretty gay everyone- it's not like I reply to just about everyone elses pieces or anything. smh.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  5. #5
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    s the sandled shooter reloaded to show example,
    and the sands flew into the open wounds of man's soul.
    Art hurts- under the gray blisters and scarred terms
    the paint is all that's left of tomorrow's Darfur.
    this part realy got me here
    i found that you used some good stuff to put accross that stuff that comes to mind not justifying the situation... like wow that brillent an you know wonds of a mans sole
    yeajh deep good work
    And all that gibberish
    that you were spittin'
    you need to kill it
    Cas your style is like dying in my sleep
    , I don't feel it

  6. #6
    The Audio King .Silence.'s Avatar
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Damn I really like this piece here.You came real creative with the topic you used.Overall even though it was a long read it was worth it.The Imagry in this piece to me was Outstanding.And the Emotion in piece to me was Really deep.And The vocabulary that you used in this piece was outstanding.Overall this is one of the best pieces I read in a while.Keep up the good work

    Distinct Advantage
    MIXTAPE IS OUT NOW
    [SOUNDCLICK]8054116[/SOUNDCLICK]

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  7. #7
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Now...This had all the bases of becoming a HOF O-M.... I loved the content....The reality and scarcasim of the entire drop is what reeled me in....It was worded well and conveyed well to the reader...the emotion was coo....imagery was mind blowing....as I could see everything thing imaginative from your detailed wording....the creativity was there and this is a topic you don't hear or see to much....overall it was a good read....

    Favorite stanza

    Oooooh my... do you see that cutie pie on the left?
    Quick, give me the money so I
    can look my best, charity = gold in a Prada dress!

    The whole day Sunday, I was told this whole place
    is going to be covered with this local artists showcase-
    I totally can't wait; I'm wearing that bleeding heart shirt...
    maybe arm bands, and I so need one of those artsy skirts,
    you know, the ones with randomly markered words.
    I heard he's just really cute too/how are these shoes?
    - wait, with my chuck's this is going to be too cute!
    very descriptive wording....


    Battles I need closed

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    If I voted in your battle or left feed on your OM plz RTF

    Open Mic's


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    L.S.
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    M.C.

  8. #8
    Expression Is Everything XM's Avatar
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Now you've fully made me understand where your at in writing and where i wanna be at the moment using my style tho cuz this piece was far beyond what i thought it would be by the title...for some reason i started think'n bout that lil wayne and andre 3000 song lol kinda off topic but neway your piece had such imagry from all aspects including the dialoge of hollywood in first person presentation it was just amazing and humorously written that made me finish the rest of the piece the emotion was of course on point and outstanding which made it more of a pleasent read i was loving the structure and just the way this well thought out truly an dominate piece amougst others i've read from you....you really get my props for this one

    PS: and i'll take into consideration of the feed you gave me on my last piece and work on that i toned my vocabulary down and now ima find a new way to structure my work with multisyllable rhyming and hopefully it'll still get its spot amougst the HOF like it was nominated for so be out for my next couple of pieces

    -Xtreme Malice
    Where the fuck was I fore they found me?
    Floatn in a meadow, dragonflies all around me
    Seeded in a ghetto, smokin cigarellos
    Stress oceans try to drown me
    Walking on water like when Christ did, glidin
    Mic in my plam like the trident in the hand of Poseidon

  9. #9
    Hence Forth, Move Forward
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    I liked this. You definately got into the characters, very nicely in fact. It's like a got to walk around cali for a couple days with those peeps... good story telling. It flowed well too, just when I thought it was about to fall off, you'd have a rhyme thrown in just the right spot, and it would continue it's smooth progression.
    Some nice verbage as well.. I'm a fan of turning nouns into verbs, word.
    pretty good, thanks for hitting my stuff up.

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  10. #10
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    damn this shit was dope. don't really read too many topicals but this one just really hooked me in. a really good take on the sudan issue, cuz i remember a couple months back george clooney i think it was spoke about darfur. major irony in that, the voice of hollywood has little or no impact on politics in my opinion. but damn i enjoyed this piece, cuz it was real easy to read and the point gets thrown out of the page. i really liked that one picture of the artwork on the fences lol. good shit.

    pz.

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  11. #11

    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Appreciate all the feedback. Still waiting on the rest of those favors.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  12. #12
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Yup i remember reading this in SS, like i had said there it was a very creative and grasping piece, the reason you won really as your take and creativity of the topic plus the realsitic dialogues as well, the whole hollywood scene actually put a picture of a blonde idiotic and immature girl in my head for a reason. Another good aspect of this piece was the control you ahd on the flow, it was fluid and came easily off my tounge, one or 2 areas neally became off...i stress neally as they never due to good word placement. Nothing more i can say really, i can't remember what i had wrote in SS but yeah, this was an excellent piece fully deserving of the win.so yup stay up^.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  13. #13
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Nice but i will have to leave longer feed when i get back from school

    HOF nomination

    AI

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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    Ok my friend this was a brilliant piece packed with jaw dropping rhymes.Creativity was your usual self and didn't suprise me one bit as I read through it.Really nice concept and I love the whole dialogue that was used here.As Paka said, I also got that image of an immature girl and it developed even more with every word you wrote.I don't think this is HoF how ever because you have written a lot better than this.Great piece though mate.

    -Dyl
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  15. #15
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    Re: Hollywood ft. Darfur

    What up at. The reason i didnt leave feedback is because i already commented on this in SS.. i believe i voted for you as well ;0). This was an overall entertaining piece and i liked the two takes (serious & clueless hollywood) This was very unique. Well done.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

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