|The Lively Margarita.|

[Messiah.]

..I peer up at the white sun.
A galaxy unwinds from my puzzling gaze,
And just as stars crowd the milky way..
That one dream I've always had,
Is my only purpose in life.
A nervous night creeps upon the figure of day
Like a black dress on a pale complexion,
My soul lifted by creatures of the sea
I am trolleyed to land.

^ Nice i liked that, i thought it was the best part out of the whole thing. your approach i thought was very good here and your emotion was nice ans smooth throughout, your flow was on notch. I don't really feel i know you or have seen anything you have wroite before unless you have an alias and i will look out for more in the future, this piece had good creativity and detail was good aswell, i have to agree with Mr. Write when he said you grabbed the topic because here you did you grabbed and strangled the fuck out of it and i have to say dope job.

-Thomas.

[Dat]

|The Lively Margarita.|

Lust drips into a glass of romance,
Witch sprouts magnolias and tender grape vines
That grow along the cabin-like neck
Of a lively margarita.
The taste is dry. The seeds are tequila
Mixed with a harsh flavor so strong in scent
..it vibrates with innovation
Transforming into waves.
The ocean is so blue. In mind, but turquoise
I dip my feet in the water,
Uplifting sand and small, hundred million year old
Rocks.. born into slades.
I cannot see the shore again, but I'm comforted
By salty bed sheets that float undivided,
Cushioning my deepest anguish;
..I peer up at the white sun.
A galaxy unwinds from my puzzling gaze,
And just as stars crowd the milky way..
That one dream I've always had,
Is my only purpose in life.
A nervous night creeps upon the figure of day
Like a black dress on a pale complexion,
My soul lifted by creatures of the sea
I am trolleyed to land.
.
.

The morning awakes me. Palm trees sway,
Waving to me as I board the backseat
Now life can take me back to reality..
Since I'm just another soul,
That dares to dream.

Awesome, this piece reflected how i feel about achievement and freedom. Mainly the line;

A nervous night creeps upon the figure of day
Like a black dress on a pale complexion,

It spoke volumes about how when you think you've reached a milestone in life, there's always a darker situation creeping up to steal your new found freedom.

I enjoyed the freedom you spoke with here. Not tying it down to any particular theme, save for your obvious depiction of a holiday destination.
That also added to the idea of bliss, as it wasn't conformed, it wasn't held back.

Also, when we think about a holiday setting, we think 'time away from stress' which is again great for a poem symbolising a stress free feeling. It provides the whole piece with a glow of enjoyment, and the final few lines about being taken away from it seem to grab the glow and pull it away from us. That, i think is the whole setting of emotion here, in a paragraph.

Your line placement was not spoiled at all, a nice amount of information was used here, slightly too cluttered in some places but i think that was more down to language rather than anything else.

Lust drips into a glass of romance,

This line is one of the best lines i've read recently, it sparks an image of red wine, or a cocktail, or some other exotic drink associated with romance. The idea that lust is filling the glass, is powerful and exciting - it shows a tension of sexuality or some other romantic depth.

I think you've done a nice job here, not over done and a good, refreshing feeling captured in a well illustrated piece. Hope to see more in the future, keep writing. I'd like a few comments in return on one of my latest pieces in PS, thanks.

Peace.

[Chop Logic.]

I forgot about this piece cause i havent been active on the site, thanks to the new comments ..pretty amazing Dat cause I never thought anyone would fully absorb the meaning of this and the vacation allusion too. Ill get back at both of you on your newest... rise

[Chop Logic.]

up for looks.