Release

[Sasuke_Avenger]

The demons are near.
Hullucinations caused by acid and fear.
Run quickly towards your dream of sensation.
Beyond reality consumed by what you can not hear.
All the sudden rush controls your mind so tragically.
The arrows stuck my heart so romantically.
A dream to take me away from suffering and pain.
To get away from fears and shame.
In the darkness i shall not survive.
To find peace I'll stay alive.

[Twixn...]

lol it's sauske...

noob...

not sasuke.

anyway...

this had potential... but it is tooo short and indirect... although i do like the style... if it was longer and portrayed just a tiny bit more direction this probably woulda been a pretty damn dope drop... but as it lays it is just pretty good...

nice work.

btw obito uchiha > sauske uchiha.

[Opus]

not really my taste man. but, despite the fact that i didn't particularly vibe with the concept, i don't feel like your line concepts individually were exploited to their full potential. so, the reader is kind of left with a very generic excerpt that never seems to spike in any aspect of technique. so.. it was all just very standard. i'd much rather have seen you really dive in and try to enthrall the reader in some sense of emotion or image. just didn't quite do it for me.

rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...en-346961.html

[Sinfull_Bliss]

Didnt flow well...
Plus it was to plain for my taste... ( simple )

In the darkness I shall not survive.
To find peace I'll stay alive.
That was my fave bar...

Meh, work on expanding your flow...
But not bad for a 14 year old...
Still I seen better...

Overal vocabulary wasnt their...
Expand your thoughts & really try to paint a image in the readers mind...

[White-Winter]

i wasn't feeling this piece....there was a bit of imagery but it wasn't deep where the reader could grasp it..if you made it a bit longer i think the imagery would of been good...this piece didn't flow as well..

The demons are near.
Hullucinations caused by acid and fear

hullucinations counted for your whole first line on sylabells...work on flow by trying to make the sylabells of each line the same

you got potential just keep practcing and you will get there

check my link:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ds-346986.html