The Hero and The Villain f/ MOSM & Fuego Caliente

[Man of Steel Man]

removed

[The Vortex]

nice flow, wording and structure is very good,
i wasnt really feeling you way you rhymed out ten end words str8, them again as i read it again it sort of works all the same, coz the multies seemed to hold it together somewhat,.ha

all in all - was pretty cool, i felt a bit of solid imagery here and there would of lifted the piece and painted a bigger picture, also rhyme scheme could of been more dynamic


stay up

1

[Vincent Maestro]

Man I think this should get a HOF nomination......first of all i Think only Witness could have made better rhyme schemes.....Your multi's always shine the most in your piece and they never sound forced......
You had multi's throughout and none of them ever sounded forced in this Piece..
Fuego is your Alias right?.
Its dope how you had it as a dialogue and how the hero was kinda talking to the world and bowing out from being a superhero...sorta like when spaider-man just wanted to be normal for a week....

I like how the villain was speaking to the superhero trying to tell him hes just as bad as him and trying to turn him over to the darkside and shit kinda like Satan talking to Jesus...it was very Deep.

Rating 10/10.
sorry for such a long feed but i think this was a very Dope piece

Favorite lines:
Hero-
Everybody loves me now just cause I save the day.
If I really was to go away what would the naysayers say?
All of humanity is decayed and fake in a major way.
If my name was Jon Doe would the papers chase?
What would you do….
if you came to my door and heard “Stay Away!”?
Or found a sticky note…
sayin “Good luck to the, world it’s my vacation day”
...LOLZ at the last 3 lines

Villain-
I know all his weaknesses…
and secret sh!t so one day I’ll expose him as phony.
I’m the life of the party at all times and I know he’s lonely.
He’s just a step away from the darkside….
In another lifetime I might’ve even considered us homies.
I know I’m detestable, despicable, crazy and a miscreant
Heard it all before…

[Man of Steel Man]

thanks for the feed man...and im always up for reading the long feed...so no problems there...and yeah fuego is my alias...was it that easy to figure out? lol im glad you liked the piece and that you decided to quote me in your sig...means alot for people to have respect for your work like that...uppin for more honest feed ya diiiiiigggggg!?!?!?!?!

P.S.

Mr. Dent is Harvey Dent...A.K.A....Two Face

[Man of Steel Man]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-356567.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...mp-356288.html

^^^you know what it is

[H2O']

Nice read,
check it,

Rooftop to rooftop I sit through perilous nights.
The irreverent errors of devils shine bright.
But the laudable deeds get nary a light.
Coming with the territory is barely a plight.
My glaring insight pushes daring for flight.
Army flanked to the left mob parried to right.
Reputation preceded me and prepared me the fight.
The hope that I fall is more scary than might.

Nice way to open this up. I like this little stanza, its got really good flow. It goes along nice.. the rhyme scheme isnt very complex, but its not simple and plain either. You have some good imagiry in here, and i like your choice of words.

Alas, just pummel the brutes till airways are tight.
Lock em away let my smile shine pearly and white.
Picture perfect image kept but perception not met.
Not yet, how can I be when my head is not set.
I’m a celebrity but there is no endorsement check.
Strength of ten men but basically divorced from sex.
But if I wasn’t super would I have to force respect?
And if I took a day off utter chaos awards neglect.
Everybody loves me now just cause I save the day.
If I really was to go away what would the naysayers say?

This verse of lines is pretty nice too man. I like how you keep it the same with the flow and multies. You still continue to use that big vocabulary which adds some character to the written. You also have some good imagiry, and your telling the story well. The questions keep the reader on his toes, and make him think some of it out. good stuff.

All of humanity is decayed and fake in a major way.
If my name was Jon Doe would the papers chase?
What would you do….
if you came to my door and heard “Stay Away!”?
Or found a sticky note…
sayin “Good luck to the, world it’s my vacation day”

Aha. I kinda laughed at this verse, it was a good few bars but the last one was funny. it made you kind've think. Good flow, and nice wordplay. i like this part.

I’m not even here to fake, I’m a murderous maniac.
I might be insane in the membrane but still a brainy cat.
It aint the fact that my life’s been troubled, just like bein lethal.
I enjoy the sorrow and the pain that I bring to the people
The worst kind, see no equal hear none either and fear no evil.
I’m death on two legs so if you kids wont be heedful,
You might be the next to be convex and retched by weasels.
No respect for the heroic kind I consider most of them dumb.
If that super wasn’t super how could he bring woes to my fun?
I keep the struggle goin for the camera’s action only.
I know all his weaknesses…
and secret sh!t so one day I’ll expose him as phony.
I’m the life of the party at all times and I know he’s lonely.

This part isnt that mad.. You still keep the story nice and straight. You dont start wondering off into another topic, you stay on point. Your flow is a little choppy here and there, like.. There was a few lines that i felt were stretched out. But still good use of multies.

He’s just a step away from the darkside….
In another lifetime I might’ve even considered us homies.
I know I’m detestable, despicable, crazy and a miscreant
Heard it all before…
but, look in the mirror and find two faces like Mr. Dent
I’m just like you in a way, but real and not a hypocrite
Deep down you hate the hero just look at the script
Wishin you were him livin those magnificent hours.
If you could just have maybe one fifth of his powers.
Dressin up as him pretending...you were his super kid.
Some would kill for what he has….
Yeah, that sounds like me, but I’m just doin it big.

Eh, i didnt' think that this last stanza was real hot. The closer was a little plain, and i would have expected a little more. You still carried out the rest of the story as you should have.. And straightened up the choppy flow. You also added a nice combo of some multies. Again, great vocab.

Overall- this was a long read, but i thought it was good. I like'd you choice of words, it really kept me wanting to read more.. cuz i wasnt gettin bored from it. You told the story well, and stayed on topic throughout. A little wordplay here and there but nice, and you're flow was decent most of the time. Keep it up man, you're a good writer.. But you can still elevate on a few aspects of ya game.

Good shit.

[H2O']

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...no-356778.html

If you dont mind , thanks.

[ND]

nice, i liked the concept, you definitely took an original approach to this
this did a great job of comparing and contrasting the two characters
i also like the way you structured it, more general in the beginning, about what they do and stuff, and then more personal in the ends, describing the internal conflict
like someone else said, the characters were greatly portrayed, holding a similar resemblance to spiderman (the hero at least)

overall no complaints, a bit of bumpy flow and a lack of figurative language but other then that it was good

[Angel Of Light]

saved for feed wen i get some time to read this today

[Man of Steel Man]

uppin 4 feed .

[Boxin Mics]

this was a very dope piece. you both of you came with smooth flows. the multis were good. they didnt seem to be forced. the imagery was good. the both stories were told well. the whole "hero and villian" concept... it was amazing.. you both of you killed it. its like ND said.. the characters were greatly portrayed... a very deep piece.. i enjoyed the read definitely..

[Man of Steel Man]

uppin for feed...leaving links and having people not feed on your ish is really annoying...just thought i would take this chance to say that

[Man of Steel Man]

*sigh **