"Paranoias Here"

[Emajanashun]

Paranoia grows
steroid like it shows
stamina slowed by stress
unkown makes it a test
already build to my system
hard to fight can only listen
pulls me further distant
the undertoes persistent
drowning alone, my hands stretched
annoying like a drip its etched
unforgettable like an emotion
depressive how your happiness is sloping
panicky tendencies arrive
..my minds so alive
all for the worse
cant stand this damn curse
it seems, I am most affected
every time im infected
for me, its expected
still filled with dismay
hoping for a day I can change my ways



haha lol i wrote this as a verse to record but i dunno it looks more like a poem, i wouldnt know im not a poet nor do i try to write poems but some of my verses seem to be more like poems according to some ppl




Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ve-391831.html


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...pt-393064.html

[Emajanashun]

uppin'

[Bannedman]

well rap is poetry all the same


this piece had a good internal flow to it,
ypu could of been a bit more visual with the imagery for such a piece i reckon, and the wording became somewhat jumble in a few places if you ask me,

you expressed the feeling quite well, so the piece had some real tension to it

so yea good stuff, keep it up

peace

[Lelouch]

This would be better for an open mic,
has a bit of poetic sense but i couldnt
really get into the flow of it...overall
its a basic poem or open mic..keep writing

[Costa.]

Nice flow but couldn't really get into it, to me there was no deeper meaning. I wasn't really feeling it. Those are the negatives; no feel, couldn't relate to what you were saying but the positives is that you have a written flow, if you could just adapt that with some emotion, detailing imagery then you will be a awesome spoken word poet.

[Emajanashun]

thanks alot ppl
ill try to do better if possible haha : P

[c-ali]

this is okay to me except i couldn't find a steady pace to it, ya know like uhhh whats it called~ rhythm and meter, but the vocab was good and it seemed to have more Poetic potential than a verse to me.. I'm sure if you keep practicing they will get more visual~