Placed in not built to amaze.
Striving frostart to complete the sense mind
only thinking of goal-
-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&postcount=12
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...02&postcount=2
Placed in not built to amaze.
Striving frostart to complete the sense mind
only thinking of goal-
-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&postcount=12
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...02&postcount=2
Last edited by Straightaway; June 23rd, 2011 at 10:25 PM
(: Morning
Uppinn For Feeddds . . . . .
(: Morning
Last Cmonn People...
Last edited by Straightaway; March 26th, 2011 at 01:30 AM
(: Morning
For a freestyle, I'd say this is pretty solid. I'd be more intrigued a bit more internal rhyming, but that's just my preferences, since internal rhymes flow off the tongue better and are easier to remember.
I'd also suggest a bit of checking on spelling, half-because I am fastidious over it, and half because I find it easier to read.
The line before the penultimate one doesn't have a rhyming line to it.
Overall, however straightforward imagery, I especially like towards the middle of the poem itself.
Cheers for feedin .
didnt was"down" - "groun" on the same line .
Bumpin
Last edited by Straightaway; March 26th, 2011 at 01:30 AM
(: Morning