Why Do We Exist

[Dex'Labb]

A frozen scorn of winter drifts in my soul,
Like a lunar eclipse, the world dissapears &..
An echo - unheard - drips through the holes,
Of my uncertainties;
intergalaxtic interference.
static rumours erupt, into shocking doubts..
...flashes of a life as somebody else.
But when the lights go down,
the small struggle to just breathe..
- as if everything Quantum has drowned.
n' it's 1 AM, I can't sleep or vent frustration..
it's as if the final chord is hangin',
- "And Now" - Dun,Dun, - "For Our" - Dun,Dun,Dun -
"Feature Presentation." - DUN DUN DUN, DUNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNN..- into infinity,
ears ringing, I can always hear it...
when I'm silent.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Can you feel it?
It lurks in the air like a lost genome.
A puzzle shattered into trillions of packets,
That buzz about the world, impactin'
the wrong fields, besides - we're lost people.
Freeze frame, I turn out my lights..
these days, I feel as if...I can never be right.
transmission of pheramones,
sent into the air, the coldest of glares corrode
the surface of my airid cloak.
the one I wear in public, invisiblity.
- made possible by the fakes who feelin' me!
I think ya made a mistake, you,as real as ME?
n' we'd be a most unlikely pair, like teal & green..
- flashbacks, to 1 AM's, close those eyes..
If ya got a solo vibe, can ya hear Manolo cries?
comin' from that proto-type, that girl..
starin' with those go-go eyes, & the no-no, I'm-
'not taken.' We'll, girl, I'm a bit taken away...
cause', I feel a bit vacant, like a Motel 8...
after, the apocalypse, how, I oughta' LIVE!
n' I dedicate this as 'ode to the bottomless.'
& oh, how the Prada spits, like a snake in eden,
started the question with, 'why do, we exist..'
maybe I'll end it with fiendin'..
seems like greed extends to the weakened..
nice bitches & money, all kept me at dreamin'..
but tonight, man..

tonight,
is different. a clockwork orange,
champagne on the rocks of an akward form
I imagine myself beyond this planet,
into the galaxy, surrounded by blackness.
past those foreign cars, porn stars, n' actrices
that drive those Hollywood gears, arrivin' where -
the madness is, like a wind up song,
n' if you didn't wind it, well, u wouldn't belong.
I feel the, Universe in my veins,
the curses from chains, of stars burstin' in flames
no love, no nurses of change,
above, no murderers reign, cause the clouds
in our heads all purge with the rain..
as it falls, all the meanwhile the curtains remain,
closed, there's no shows, no splurgin' on stage
no flirtin' with no girls, no pefect ass days,
no hate and no love, no purpose to stay,
no war and no peace, no burnin' remains,
of powerful empires, that lurk in the gray
oppertunities collide - the turnin' of waves
& We wouldn't be here,
if the universe had it's way.

an' here's some inspiration for the saddest g's
..don't you EVER forget, that WE beat GRAVITY
& WE beat the universe, we all HAPPENED, see
life is a FLAW, just inbetween realities.....
so if you're not livin, then a God ain't winnin'
don't you SEE NOW? SEE NOW, U ain't wishin'....
on NO stars, why the FUCK would they listen?
so get out into the world, & start L i v i n g.

.
.
.

not sure why I wrote this,
sometimes I can't eat until what I gotta say is said
-dex

[Dex'Labb]

up...anybody who leaves feed let me know the name of your open mic verse and i'll break it down for yasss

[Tool]

yea man I read this once a day or two ago, tried to get through it just now but couldnt do it (but I'm mad lacking sleep right now)

I might come back

just going to throw one/two things out there; some of the segments are diff. to appreciate - I refuse to criticize the aesthetic of a verse - cuz your composition makes the rhythmic value elusive in some places; if there at all, or in a large enough dose to keep the user intoxicated.

the movement is...I can't decide between pretentious and profound right about now, which are fine lines but two ends of the spectrum at the same time.

and that dun dun dun shit was annoying to hell to me but maybe I'm an irritable mood and you should ignore me hombre

If I can be fucked I will come back to this and offer actual feed at a later date, but don't hold your breath.

edit - honestly man, the mechanics pers e weren't a problem for me, if you read what I've wrote I couldnt really be considered a 'classical' writer on the mechanical/technical tip.

[Dex'Labb]

Lmao, if I've irritated even one person off with this verse I am happy, people don't respond well to change, and this is something different.....meant to be read out loud or whispered to yourself, yup, just don't look at it too mechanically in a 'classical' mechanics frame of mind, this is my 'quantum' mechanics version of writing, a lil' to the left....appreciate if you could feed when u have a chance, I'll return on anything I get Toolio, homio, ya'lls

edit: well, Iuno this wasnt meant to be ostentatious....I couldn't sleep a few nights ago so I was looking out my window, the street was silent it was like 1am, it's freezing in canada right now so the skies are clear, I was just thinkin' to myself: "what if we didn't exist", I mean under the assumption that sentinent beings don't exist in other quadrants of other galaxies, or at least ignoring the fact, then there would pretty much be order & no chaos, but humans are an introduction of chaos into the world imho, it feels almost like a mutation in the code of nature- and that's why I felt as if life was meant to be lived, why become part of a system or be a gearwork individual, that would only be restoring the universe back to a state of order - that's not livin'....I guess I just don't want people to think I was trying to sound intelligent or be pretentious as u stated, Lol

Can you feel it?
It lurks in the air like a lost genome.
A puzzle shattered into trillions of packets,
That buzz about the world, impactin'
the wrong fields, besides - we're lost people.

see what i mean bout' mutation? Iuno, just trying to fight my case

[Mr. Black]

im not actually sure what tools talkin about... theres plenty of rhythmic rhyme-ism in this.. granted its definitely more obscure and less pronounced.. relaxed and more free form than im used to reading from you.

it was a bit of a shock the the system at first- but once i just went with it i actually began to really enjoy it. i gave it a glance yesterday and it sorta just slipped through the cracks then. but now that im sitting down and giving a close read i can appreciate the methodical shift.

your intro kinda touched on both of your next two stanzas - large scale, universal, and also individualistic and personal.

your first few images were strong - i chuckled at the 'can you feel it'? just because it felt reminiscent of something i would start a verse with. especially one like this with the scope out so far.

Freeze frame, I turn out my lights..
these days, I feel as if...I can never be right.
transmission of pheramones,
sent into the air, the coldest of glares corrode
the surface of my airid cloak.
the one I wear in public, invisiblity.
- made possible by the fakes who feelin' me!
I think ya made a mistake, you,as real as ME?
n' we'd be a most unlikely pair, like teal & green..

remorse and hurt.. a failed relationship? or just a resentful lack thereof? you took an original approach to the concept using visuals that sort of leaked like a stream of consciousness. your last bit was ok.. even though i think teal and green would look fine together lol

If ya got a solo vibe, can ya hear Manolo cries?
comin' from that proto-type, that girl..
starin' with those go-go eyes, & the no-no, I'm-
'not taken.' We'll, girl, I'm a bit taken away...
cause', I feel a bit vacant, like a Motel 8...
after, the apocalypse, how, I oughta' LIVE!
n' I dedicate this as 'ode to the bottomless.'
& oh, how the Prada spits, like a snake in eden,
started the question with, 'why do, we exist..'

prototype was an interesting way to reference the chick in question. there's a frequent tone of apathetic despair in this.. the invisible in a world of clones.

i also dug the couple of designer brand reference.. kept everything together, made it all feel whole in a sense. thats why i feel confident quoting whole sections - its easier than having pick apart each little line, and while i think you write in a way that almost every individual line holds its own little gem, you link them up and string them in a row so that it all stays relevant. which is cool.

I imagine myself beyond this planet,
into the galaxy, surrounded by blackness.
past those foreign cars, porn stars, n' actrices
that drive those Hollywood gears, arrivin' where -
the madness is, like a wind up song,
n' if you didn't wind it, well, u wouldn't belong.

here is where you zoom out the focus - now the whole cosmos is in the lens, and you have freedom to roam your thought process and touch on nearly everything in that scope. i was fond of the last few lines.. everybody is so wrapped up in their own little world sometimes. celebrity gossip makes me sick. these false idols that people blindly follow around the internet and discuss as if they're old buddies.

i gotta say your spelling of 'actress' was atrocious. idk if whatever you wrote is a real word or not and it was supposed to be some kinda double meaning. not gonna look it up cause i just assume you spelled it wrong. there are other little technical errors in the writing itself. which doesnt bother me but i felt it necessary to point out this one.

I feel the, Universe in my veins,
the curses from chains, of stars burstin' in flames
no love, no nurses of change,
above, no murderers reign, cause the clouds
in our heads all purge with the rain..
as it falls, all the meanwhile the curtains remain,
closed, there's no shows, no splurgin' on stage
no flirtin' with no girls, no pefect ass days,
no hate and no love, no purpose to stay,
no war and no peace, no burnin' remains,
of powerful empires, that lurk in the gray
oppertunities collide - the turnin' of waves
& We wouldn't be here,
if the universe had it's way.P

i'm simply highlighting this whole section to point out the obvious use of rhythm and syllables in the verse - this was more traditional and blatant, so im kind of at a loss as to why english would say that he found almost none.

the content in this section, imo, was a bit "blah" until the ending portion. it was easy to follow and made sense in context with the whole work, it just felt a bit uninspired to me for some reason. but you got your point across.

the last bar of this stanza that led into the outro was probably my favorite part - it was the most interesting and controversial. something thats not very touched upon in a lot of writing, more danced around. this is a core issue though - what sort of molecular misfiring allowed the creation of this perfect environment we take for granted? where did it really begin? which begs the question

WHY DO WE EXIST?

i think to even ask "why" is missing the point - because the "why" implies that some force made the active decision - i would ask "how".. though both open up plenty of doors.

so if you're not livin, then a God ain't winnin'
don't you SEE NOW? SEE NOW, U ain't wishin'....
on NO stars, why the FUCK would they listen?
so get out into the world, & start L i v i n g.

dope finish. lol @ the decoration of the last word.

i liked both scopes of your writing. the individual, the troubled, a single lifeline in a network of flashing lights. and then the big picture.

i appreciated your approach.. even though it took me a few read throughs to do so.

probably the most thought provoking piece ive read from you. you drop a lot of plot-based work that relies on twists, which you do pretty well, its just nice to read something different.

lets bring this section back to life.

keep doin it

1

[Mr. Black]

oh and get your links up faggot

[Dex'Labb]

Haha u got it bauss,
n' thanks for the detailed feed black, Im gonna hit u back on ur latest OM, I can see where you're coming from with the 'how' do we exist, I mean 'why' do we exist is kinda making an assumption that something created us........I never thought bout it like that, very intellectual thinking my dude

[Zane Birchall]

This was a pretty good piece. I mean, the imagination just fucking blew me away. You had some nice Multi's and overall, it was a dope piece man.

Stay up.

8/10

[Prophet Margin]

Lol im glad i found this, i havnt been on here forever, over on another site.....i came back and the first like 3 OMs i read were horseshit......i was like WTF happened to this place?

lol. this was a pretty solid drop. at frist i was totally confused by the way you put this whole thing together, but as i started to read more i liked it

i like topics like this; a concrete story, but metaphysical in a sense too

i also liked how you almost managed to rhyme orange with form...when orange is supposed to have no rhyming partners...lol

and then finally, the last verse/paragraph/outro whatever....i found the message in that to be dope

8/10, good job

btw, ive elevated alot since ive been gone and over on LBG, im gonna start transferring stuff over, watch for it if you can, youre not one to leave weak feed usually

[Iglosone]

I liked this

you're vocab and story-telling style of writting apealed to my steez. I liked the wait you wrote first person and let your train of thought flow in a non-linear style.. it reads like a free..

comin' from that proto-type, that girl..
starin' with those go-go eyes, & the no-no, I'm-
'not taken.' We'll, girl, I'm a bit taken away...
cause', I feel a bit vacant, like a Motel 8...
after, the apocalypse, how, I oughta' LIVE!
n' I dedicate this as 'ode to the bottomless.'
& oh, how the Prada spits, like a snake in eden,
started the question with, 'why do, we exist..'
maybe I'll end it with fiendin'..
seems like greed extends to the weakened..
nice bitches & money, all kept me at dreamin'..

that was my favorite section bro

I sense a little bit of a poetry vibe/social/philosophical tone to this

some deep points made..

is different. a clockwork orange,
champagne on the rocks of an akward form
I imagine myself beyond this planet,
into the galaxy, surrounded by blackness.
past those foreign cars, porn stars, n' actrices
that drive those Hollywood gears, arrivin' where -
the madness is, like a wind up song,
n' if you didn't wind it, well, u wouldn't belong.
I feel the, Universe in my veins,
the curses from chains, of stars burstin' in flames
no love, no nurses of change,
above, no murderers reign, cause the clouds
in our heads all purge with the rain..
as it falls, all the meanwhile the curtains remain,

I liked the idea of transcending earth.. thought this was exectued well

[Dex'Labb]

Thanks obzerd, profit & iglosone...and for the Nom I appreciate that man it's inspiration to keep writing Lol. Good looks ya'll, I'll hit everyone back with feedback on their verses this week.

Here's 1 of my Links.. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=7927821

I'll edit in the 2nd when I get a chance to detail another writer's verse

[Indefinite+]

It was really abstract and hard to follow at some points, but very creative and when I had a second read and connected with it more, I was really feeling it. (:

"static rumours erupt, into shocking doubts.."
For some reason that's my favorite line.

[2XL]

the topic was cool and interesting definetely had me keep rereading parts. The intro i thought was really well done in a subtle way. The contemplation and the dun dun dun was cool and set up wat was to come very well. Great drop

[Jimmy Bones]

alright........
So it was pretty cool the intro started out giving suspence then you came in with some tight uses of figurative language......

- flashbacks, to 1 AM's, close those eyes..
If ya got a solo vibe, can ya hear Manolo cries?
comin' from that proto-type, that girl..

This was a dope one that stood out to me... it was a good use of rhymes nice flow......

Then next part was dope as well.....

tonight,
is different. a clockwork orange,
champagne on the rocks of an akward form
I imagine myself beyond this planet,
into the galaxy, surrounded by blackness.
past those foreign cars, porn stars, n' actrices

This one was good because it was a shot out to hollywood..... Basically i felt that you were saying that you were passed all the bull shit and seeing everyone for their true colors...... I liked that you added surrounded by blackness because no one really knows whats in the galaxy's depths and this makes you think about that.... over all it was pretty dope.... good stuff thanks for the read.

rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...503/index.html

[Dex'Labb]

Good looks Indef, Xl and Phok...I'll hit yall's back probably by tonight, but just a note..I'm only gonna give your verses as much time as u gave mine...lol, all good though I appreciate it all