From The Depths

[Mr. Black]

my main problem with this is, besides the last portion MAYBE, you could have interchanged these verses with the different headings (olympus, above the heavens, etc) and it wouldn't have changed the context of the verse. meaning, you didn't connect those with anything, you just kinda used them has cheap transition points between one long self glorifying rant. which is fine but just seems a bit redundant after a while.. idk.. ive read so many verses like this the individual concepts all sort of run together unless they're remarkably original.

don't get me wrong you have a couple one-liners i would consider close to quote-worthy.. i especially was fond of your opener for some reason. i always dig these shits for the most part. it's a nice introduction. now i'm interested if you can get a little more coherent and focused with your writing.

keep doin it.

1

[Vandahl.]

Appreciate the honest feed. Good looks.

[Bos]

Keep at it man, dope piece

[N.F.M.]

I gotta agree with everyone that this peice was easy to read. This is some of the best sentence structure I've seen in a while. Of course, I'm not a fuckin English teacher, so my opinion doesn't matter. But overall, I like this peice, and I think you painted the picture vividly.