Notice Us

[Str8 JackIt]

Wow.....honestly this was a great read....from beginining to end, not missing a beat.
like jumping in a sports car when the speedometer starts at 60 instead of 0...

last 4 line were nice....but the quoted below spoke volumes through the screen

shelter is more scarce than the crumbs I find to eat
people walk by and scream like im some mindless freak
Obsolete, coffee mugs full of scraps to spare
wrapped in despair like pedestrians who lack to care
dreams are snared, impaired by child hood negligence
raped by an abusive father and been downhill ever since
from public school detentions to overnight convictions
consistently snorting happiness with all the right intentions
bucking against people in power is good in essence
the last one who planted gifts in me used his burly presence
a train on the right track wasn’t mature enough to fight back
grabbed on after soo many dinners, my purpose became a light snack
which murdered relationships, I couldn’t relate to shit
wanted to be a father but the one I had wanted to date his kids

the imagery came from the emotion, and not just descriptive writing, impressive....far better concept and orignality than what u've displayed thrgouh crew collab'd OMs

good shit man

[Witty]

This was really nice dude, very impressive. Short and sweet, that basically wraps this up, although maybe not so sweet, quite bitter lol You did a really good job on this, and the length was perfect, it would have been a mistake for you to take this piece much further than you did, so good judgement on that, sometimes what would be an awesome piece is tarnished by running too long, or not long enough in some cases. The imagery was perfect in this piece dude, I mean, seriously, some of the pictures you threw up in this made me sit back like 'dammmmn'....lol f'real. I could feel the despair of the dude, the loneliness, let down by society, trying to make his voice heard, and his face seen. The last few lines were off the chart flow-wise, before that it wasn't brilliant when it came to the flow, a bit choppy the way I read it, but nothing major to be honest, this problem was sort of taken away by the amazing story-telling ability you have, and the ability to conjure up emotions. Some really cool words used in this, very, very impressive. You wrote up a shit-storm on this one dude, props.


New piece, would appreciate some feed:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ml#post8299048

[Witty]

Wtf, thought I lost that last post and wrote up new feed, just to see that my original feed had been posted lol damn.

[143]

I gotta say you come with the nicest drops I seen. this is a gem. the turmoil and the vivid reflections of his plight shines bright. You had crazy sims here with the build of the flow change the structure to suit. Incredible how you brought so much in a short verse. Overall this was gold out the gate from beginning to end.

[Madbeats]

Excellent work, and the picture is amazing. It flowed really well in the beginning and end, was a little choppy in the middle, but I am still impressed.

[Felix Vegas]

nice man

[SenecaHaze]

You are a very talented man. this piece was very well put together. The subject at hand is scary to tackle as it hits close to home. Also you never know when tragedy could strike and yourself to be at a disadvantage such as this. The imagery was my favorite part of this verse, although your multis,vocabulary, metaphors were also excellent. Ithought the imagery was the shining star of your piece. A good read and thought provoking, also short and simple. I'd give it a 9.5/10. stay up.