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Thread: Yellow Starburst

  1. #1
    Young Simba
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    Yellow Starburst

    Unwanted
    Forgotten
    Tossed aside
    Always the last choice
    I don't look much different than the others
    In fact, I'm much brighter than the rest
    But looks aren't everything...
    If only you could enjoy what's on the inside
    But I have this reputation...
    Now you won't even look my way
    So I'll forever remain,
    Unwanted
    Forgotten
    Tossed aside

  2. #2
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: Yellow Starburst

    ah, the yellow starburst, friend to the purple skittle.

    I liked the metaphor to the loner kid with no friends in high school or the kid who gets picked last at recess. This was a cool way to go about it. Creative so props for that.
    A few achievements here and there

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  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Yellow Starburst

    Unwanted
    Forgotten
    Tossed aside
    Always the last choice
    I don't look much different than the others
    In fact, I'm much brighter than the rest
    But looks aren't everything...
    If only you could enjoy what's on the inside
    But I have this reputation...
    Now you won't even look my way
    So I'll forever remain,
    Unwanted
    Forgotten
    Tossed aside

    Letterman, how clever. Truth Iscariot had written something similar in that he wrote about the beauty of the moth, and how
    everyone loves the butterfly but doesn't like it's brother, the moth lol. Anyway, I like the way you went about this.
    The don't chose a book by its cover theme hits home and yet we still make the same mistakes.
    I like the way you started and finished this poem. Clean with simple words that are structured in a way I like, that add to the
    piece, I feel its simple but packed with logic and smarts.

    Nice drop Letterman.

    Good stuff.


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  4. #4
    Young Simba
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    Re: Yellow Starburst

    Thanks for the feedback

  5. #5
    SirVent
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    Re: Yellow Starburst

    I like this letterman. Clever. Seeing as it's not very lengthy I'm not gonna do a full breakdown, however you took a very creative route and saying one of the simplest things. And thats a big accomplishment in itself. Not sure if I ever read any of your poetry before, I'm a fan dude.

    This is what I like about poetry- u can take a simple idea and completely contort it w/ a great metaphor and instantly it turns into something great. Good job man

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    the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
    we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.

  6. #6
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: Yellow Starburst

    The rep speaks volumes I mean yes I love yellow starburst but strawberry and cherry gets the most shine. I like the psychology in that. Different is different no matter how excellent it is. The brevity with this is probably the best way to present it as it let's the mind work on what is being said and the relevance it portrays. Dope....


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    Best Topical Writer: 143

  7. #7
    Young Simba
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    Re: Yellow Starburst

    Thanks for the feed

  8. #8
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Yellow Starburst

    Random name mention here.

    But yes as Emily said, I can relate to this. It is very straight and to the point but I liked it a lot. I liked how you choose to use your opener as a closer to round it out, that was nicely done. This makes for the type of poem you read three or four times over because it's catchy and easy to relate to but doesn't come off as played.

    AI

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