First Spoken... "My Streets"

[Chipstar]

This is my first spoken...hope you like it.

I’m from a place you wouldn’t believe.

The colour of my skin alone would have you see me
In some nicer streets where white people all spit niceties
over a cuppa tea.

But in reality…

I’m from them mean streets. The Mangere East streets.
‘Where beat-down housing is cheap’ streets.
The dogs look tough like the kids holding the leash streets.

But these streets were home.

There’s no mall here. No surf shop, coffee shops or clothing here…
Just a library, a supermarket and a takeaway there…
In fact, there’s a takeaway on every corner here.

A place where it’s a fine line between looking at someone and looking at someone
Because if you look up, and catch an eye
You better look away…or you could get beat down
My high school has locked gates on it now
It never used to…
It’s dangerous now, cliques and gangs of youths use it to show and prove who the baddest school is
Say you are and you’re in for it now…

The depot is the hangout.
Where, after school you’d be, waiting for PT, but it’s no place you’d wanna hang ‘round
The Streetfighters on and away from the Arcade people who have really been down
Lookin’ for fights and a quick smack down...
Kids wander aimlessly wondering what their places be
In the scheme of things, their faces forgotten and lost,
It’s the cost of living that wannabe gang life
Where the brotherhood promises you a life from crime
Don’t do 9 to 5 hang with us …and you’ll shine

A quick walk through the Jake the Musses (1.), the taunts and cusses from kids on busses
While a complacent Government wonders what all the fuss is…
They don’t care…

Dogs with big collars bark through bigger gritted teeth held back by a piece of leather.
Men with knives and guns walk the hood and fight over who reps it better.
A mixture of scarred faces and exquisite life stories told through black ink on brown skin
An unbroken code followed to the letter.
The things I've seen...

But if you look harder, past the grit and the crime you’ll find the colour.
Not the reds and blues, or black rags that the youths use to define them
But real colour…

Hardworking communities, parents, schools, churches reciting scriptures
that pull them all together and mix these colours to paint a better picture.
Laughter and spirit lives here...
Music and liveliness, vibrancy at its finest
We may not have fine dining but a sense of pride will always shine here...

These streets shaped me. Shaped my way of life.
Taught me to be vigilant.
And while the rest of Auckland sits around and thinks, that the South-side is a sinking ship...
Come take a look around here. All life is here.
My heart is here.
You can, stay shopping on the north, or sit by the beach on the east
Or smoke with the best out on that west side
But we in the south, we stay unbroken.
The unspoken resilience will always shine through.

And perhaps, one day, we’ll change your point of view.

1. = Jake the Muss was a character from Once Were Warriors which was filmed in my neighbourhood.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-truth-in-lies
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...1-My-Innocence

[Emily]

Chipstar, firstly, welcome.
This is a really nice read. You had beautiful tone and pace. Your words seemed to fall effortlessly and the piece was
really interesting to read. Not only because of your descriptions but also because you were able to convey a lovely
atmosphere that added such dimension to your piece, it made it come alive
The voice in this piece is also believable. There didn't seem to be pretense, just a story told with honesty.
I thought the flow was lovely, the rhymes were good. But I really loved the organic nature of the way you tell this tale.
Lovely talent you have Chipstar.
Looking forward to reading more from you.


Great read.

[Chipstar]

Chipstar, firstly, welcome.
This is a really nice read. You had beautiful tone and pace. Your words seemed to fall effortlessly and the piece was
really interesting to read. Not only because of your descriptions but also because you were able to convey a lovely
atmosphere that added such dimension to your piece, it made it come alive
The voice in this piece is also believable. There didn't seem to be pretense, just a story told with honesty.
I thought the flow was lovely, the rhymes were good. But I really loved the organic nature of the way you tell this tale.
Lovely talent you have Chipstar.
Looking forward to reading more from you.


Great read.

Thank you so much. I'm really glad you got that vibe from it and got the honesty and feelings. I've tried to write poetry and descriptive things and end up over thinking and then obviously not writing anything. I have to clear my mind for that. I found that this style/piece came really easy and quick (not to mention randomly) for me because I was thinking about home, and how far I've come. It's important that even though you are successful, to remember where you come from. I want to get started on another piece! Again, thanks for the feedback

Peace.

[Truth Iscariot]

I liked the rhythm to this. One thing I think added to the rhythm was how you reused words. Almost to drive home the idea. Although i feel it was overdone in some instances. Like the word now. Not really a strong word to use over and over again. Other than that these seems like it would be a cool spoken word poem to hear. I liked the imagery and I could relate to this at times. I would work on saying what you want to say a different way so it doesn't get repetitive to the reader. Other than that I enjoyed this for what it was both times I read it.

[Not N Nice]

Although kinda common content, real creative approach!!
I like most how you conveyed every aspect
The so called bad and the so called good
The progression is on point also, no giant leaps from topic to topic
Shit, a movie short played in my head, like a visual narrative

[Chipstar]

I liked the rhythm to this. One thing I think added to the rhythm was how you reused words. Almost to drive home the idea. Although i feel it was overdone in some instances. Like the word now. Not really a strong word to use over and over again. Other than that these seems like it would be a cool spoken word poem to hear. I liked the imagery and I could relate to this at times. I would work on saying what you want to say a different way so it doesn't get repetitive to the reader. Other than that I enjoyed this for what it was both times I read it.

Thank you for the feedback man, I really appreciate it. I get what you're saying, I read it again after I read this, and I might try to improve on those lines & try remove the repetition there. Thanks again.

- - - Updated - - -

Although kinda common content, real creative approach!!
I like most how you conveyed every aspect
The so called bad and the so called good
The progression is on point also, no giant leaps from topic to topic
Shit, a movie short played in my head, like a visual narrative

When I was writing this I could have kept on going but it would have then jumped all over the place. I'm glad I kept it this way. So thanks man, I appreciate the feed :-)