My MASTERPIECE~!

[Xcentrik]

I've tried to reason, wonder why
My rivalries have come alive
Through parables so strange that only irony can justify.
My mind has reached the lullaby
and died beneath the summer sky.
I've robbed the will of God, but still,
It's wise to sieze another try.
When time has grieved and Love has cried
Surviving dreams becoming blind
can rest assured the best of Lords
where divers breathe and runners fly.
I'm the window to the other side, and not a sill can feel my pane.
The theif priest turning wheels of grain who left the score to steal the game
I've peeled the shame from Adam's apple,
sealed the blame in tabernacles,
kneeled and prayed for healing days,
and shielded veins from famine's shackles

[Varentao]

Dunno about masterpiece. But it was a fine piece for sure. Then again, you did say 'MY masterpiece', in which case....indeed.

It slowly picked up pace into an unrelenting tempo. Bringing with it a certain amount of chaos of emotions and thoughts. But one's which are put into relative order.

It flowed very well. The way you constructed each sentence. It just came together very well. You didn't let the rhyme scene get too much in the way. It seemed very natural.

Some of the imagery was quite good too.

I liked reading this. It was layered well for what it was. A personal exploration and depiction. Of past state relating to current. And vice-versa. And a few undertones of future. ]

...resp....

[ismael sanchez]

WELL ITS A GREAT POEM
THESE TYPE OF WORDPLAY I LIKE 2 USE
TALKING BOUT SOMETHING THATS NOT FULFILLING YER SOUL
IM THE WINDOW TO THE OTHER SIDE AND NOT A SILL CAN FEEL MY PANE
IT MAKES ME WONDER ABOUT EVERYONES PROBLEMS AND HOW ONE VARIES FROM THE OTHER
BUT THOSE DEEP DARK PROBLEMS THAT ARE SOME WHAT SPECIAL IN A SENSE OF MIND ARE THE MOST PUZZLING
AND THATS WHATS EXCITING

[nunother]

The word play was bananas, i was feelin it. I liked the title, cuz it was confident ya know...not necessarily the veiws of everybody, but u were sure of it...i don't know, i liked it. but yeah, the "window" line was my favorite, that was amazin.....i look forward to readin more, good sh!t

look at -face in my hands- if u got a minute

[Spoken]

this was a fine piece, with good wordplay, and felt emotion.

even thou everything seemed to be all coming at once, so many emotions, you still worded it out could and kept it in order, but still emtions shine through.

the word plays that you had it this you good. they added alot to this piece, brought it up.

the line that i liked best was the simply put line:

When time has grieved and Love has cried

it all fit so well, and flowed nicely. did a good job keep more coming!

~Tera~
DONT HATE