@ill scripturez @Truth Iscariot
20-40 lines
Due 4/21/2017
Links: Feed two open mics
Topic:
ill scripturez
truth iscariot
@ill scripturez @Truth Iscariot
20-40 lines
Due 4/21/2017
Links: Feed two open mics
Topic:
Last edited by Soule; April 16th, 2017 at 04:28 AM
Chickety Check
AI
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
...i'll do what I can as I'm in another tourney on another site.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
...2 Sides of Protest...
As I'm walking... I'm contemplating purpose
Our lives conjugated at the complicated surface
Underneath, we lay empty as dominated persons
The shit show was coming to this constipated circus
Populated circles of anger marches with hate
Primal rage reveals clear as we're partially ape
Livelihoods in neighborhoods are targets we blazed
My minds mirror reflected the hardships we faced
Uneducated with low skills, lethargic in ways
Employers find disheartening to mark up a raise
"We have kids!" chants were barking enraged
If we used this passion in work, habits occur
Then gain steam & increase the margins of wage
Snowflakes dust the heavily stepped boulevard
Cold breath filling the air with words I knew were false
Continued protesting uprising this diluted war
Should've evaluated myself instead buying the newest car
Gotta take that one on the chin like a suture scar
Wanted to still buy my wife all this Louis Vitton
Living above my means buried me in ruined shards
& have the audacity to blame other human forms
Questioning my sanity as my boots hit the pavement
Overcome with embarrassment, stupid & naked
This company helped my family move from a basement
Took their kindness for weakness like a stupid disgrace
I let a little unproven frustration, use me this way
& views from complainants to choose what to say
Arriving to my senses I break free from the uproar
"You fucking traitor! Don't you want more?!"
...I do, but it has to be deserved to be given
I'm an inmate & my worth is forbidden
Accepting that fate from worst in the system
...So I headed back to work in a prison
Last edited by iLL ScriptureZ; April 18th, 2017 at 12:32 PM Reason: typo
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
We've gathered here rather than sit in distress
Deciding to attack our duress
We'll bash it to bits - answer those who transgress with a fist
We're having fits, I only wince when cold winds blend with the snows chill
Even the elements threaten to test my will
Still I step with zeal. Towards beckoning quest,
To keep the powers to be within check
Inequalities set the people beneath the feet of the evil
Carbon levels are lethal, our planet choked
Smoke leaves bruises on the throat of the sky that it seeps to
Squelching light. We fight to part this smog and end the age of darkness
Our rage is armed with logic, we are Malcolm incarnate
Aiming to maim decision makers that tarnish our lives
Carnage is wise when disorder is the way of the world
We've bargained hard to find only deception unfurled
Eyes blind to fairness
Minds binded, awareness a forgone thought
Clarity chimes far in the distance - empty space is the Devils loft
In allowing our oppressors rest, we've bested ourselves
We've wrought our own burning dispair
Impaired by sweet lies - stripped bare
Our possessions denied....
So we've fought as if life depended on it
The entirety of our Hope suspended on it
The means to right this wrong in scope
This wrong - Of which it's been hard to cope
Let Us
Protest.
AI
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ill, this was pretty dope. I liked the approach. Going from a hard working man to a convict. The transition was a smooth one. Wording was really nice, everything made sense and there wasn't any lines that were awkward to read. Flowed really well from start to finish. Overall, no complaints about this one. Just an overall good read bro.
Truth, this was pretty good too. Not as smooth of a story tell as Ill's but still had value to the reader. It was a solid narration that told the story well. Just wish it was a bit more consistent like Ill's where you're actually seeing it through the eyes of a character rather than it being more like a documentary. That's just preference though, others might disagree. Your wording was really smooth, you have a very poetic style to your writing. Overall, good read bro. Couple things I would've personally changed but that's me.
Vote Ill, just felt his was smoother, more consistent and told a better story. Dope battle though.
Flow-Ill
wordplay-Ill
Overall-Ill
Both was very good, I give it to Ill
I felt like his verse flowed better, more complex with details in story
wordplay nicely done
I love ills internals, smoothly read.
Iscariots content I found interesting.
Damn! Yous don't make it an easy choice.
+1 Truth Iscariot
@Kill Spree
Neither of those last two votes count. Motherfuckers need to learn how to explain their votes.
far as I'm consurned votes stand. I dont run this spot and dont do topicals either.
Either way we need to bring this shit to a close it's been over a month
AI
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I'm not mod anymore, Art is. So @Art. you try telling me those votes are legit lol.
Both of you guys thanks for the votes but do you mind breaking them down a little more ? What parts of each verse you liked etc, just a little more detail ... appreciate the votes and feed but if you can , go in a little more depth and I can add the votes /points to your FL rankings
Truth
I enjoyed your verse. The imagery you introduced in your verse connected in a different way with the pic provided. I liked the flow of it, the lines I quoted above are my fave standout lines. Even though your verse was well constructed, I didn't quite feel a deeper connection with it and the pic. I felt like you were really just exclaiming what I'm seeing in the picture rather than introducing a story behind the picture. Your verse was really good honestly, but I felt like the topic wasn't quite found in your verse. It was as if you were just describing a feeling towards the picture rather than just giving a story behind the picture. Still dope either way.Originally Posted by Truth Iscariot
vs
iLL scriptureZ
Compared to Truth's verse, you introduced the story. You provided an element of surprise in your verse. Seemed like a typical protesting photo, but you gave it a different meaning of what I was seeing in the photo. I enjoyed the read, some of your multis were a little off just to continue the multi flow but overall, I like the prison narrative. I quoted some of my fave standout lines. I think your story could've been a little more detailing of what you were getting at, you still could've created that mystery in the beginning but the way you presented it still worked out. You pulled it off in your own way, I liked it and I think you gave a better overall verse.Originally Posted by iLL ScriptureZ
v/ iLL scriptz