yo what u think gwan

[lyrical mobb]

I’m colder then u ever seen im jacking everything’ watch Ur self ‘ur balls be in a jar on the shelf\
U get delt wit ill make sure u get Ur mouth slit stop ur flow\
Letting u no lyrical mobb is the boss come at me wit chaos cuzz im a profeshinal im hear to slay ya ‘s \
So remember what I say ill ripp u so hard ill make walk around like u gay \
Thinking u can play wit this hard core shit I will get Ur house lit up engulfed in flames\
My bullets explode brains like trains my rhyme will never be the same\
I come from scar city were ill even kill fifty if he get shifty we ant hard butt our bullets will be riddle through Ur car dropping u down cuzz u act hard\
Recognize who I be before u say shit to me cuzz I won’t hesitate ill pull chrome eagle and watch u deflate and watch u become another part of death rate\

[LM]

Ok, where do I start.....
I know, structure.....get it sorted dawg, shorten your lines, read other peices if you have to but do somethin bout it.
Also in places your flow was all over the place,

Thinking u can play wit this hard core shit I will get Ur house lit up engulfed in flames\
My bullets explode brains like trains my rhyme will never be the same\

^^That was the best your flow got.
Overall not a very good peice, be more original and creative and practice. 4/10

[noncentz]

NOT THE WOARST I SEEN BUT NOT THE BEST EAITHER YOU HAVE WORK TO DO BUT YOU GOT POTENTIAL DO YOUR THANG

[Mistral]

Yeah this was ok.....but like LM said you need to work on your structure....watch the line length make them about the same length so it structured good, dont make them long like you have it....flow needs work, add some multies and internals to it though....overall this was ok, needs work...keep at it.

[Formula]

I Hate Bein A Repetitive MuFucka, But Structure Killed Ya Ass On This One. I Couldn't Get Into This Shit At All Because There Was No Flow, And To Me, Flow Makes The Piece. . Along With Content. This Was An Unoriginal Drop At That, And Nothing Really Stands Out To Me. You Need Some Serious Work. . This Ain't Tryna Beef, But Hit Up The Wackness Emergency Center For The Proper Help And You're Drops Will Progress And Get Better.

-Formula.