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Thread: my second free style

  1. December 17th, 2003, 10:42 PM #1
    bospitta
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    my second free style

    yo this one is ok but aint all that cuz its only my second so yea here it goes

    yo so u want me to rap like marshal
    and say shit bout myself so u can say anything else

    fuck it ill tell ya somthin u dont kno
    my girl might be a hoe and sucked his dick

    his, his, and his too but it aint that bad
    cuz see he fucked ur dad and you

    bitch i aint askin you to suck my dick
    oh shit i just spit it

    i dont need to relize i see the fear in ur eyes
    when i ryme u run and hide everytime

    it makes u choke now the people laughin at u like u a joke
    Last edited by bospitta; December 17th, 2003 at 10:49 PM
  2. December 17th, 2003, 10:43 PM #2
    bospitta
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    yo i dont kno if i need this so here it is
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...266#post996266
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...345#post996345
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...323#post996323
    [img]http://www2.freepichosting.com/Images/126335/0.jpg[img]
  3. December 18th, 2003, 12:27 AM #3
    .::$izzle::.
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    umm I wasnt really Feelin It Flow Wuz Very Choppy At Times It Was Hard To Get It......U Could Have Extended Ya Bars A bit More......Too Simple Add Some Wordplay , Multis n Some Vocab (U Kno Big Words LOL Newb)but practice some more n drop Sumthin Else

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  4. December 18th, 2003, 12:31 AM #4
    Nyte Fire
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    Flow wasn't very good, but you got teh structure down a little better...add multis to as many lines as possible and use a bigger vocab
  5. December 18th, 2003, 02:47 AM #5
    Phoeniix
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    did u forget to rhyme?

    thats all my feedback
    A h e U n c D e f I o r B w a L r d E
  6. December 18th, 2003, 02:50 AM #6
    Baxter D. Wall
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    Flow was crazy off man. Also, it would do you some good to try to attempt to up your vocab. I can tell your new, but dont be discouraged and keep at it. Itll come along.
  7. December 18th, 2003, 02:08 PM #7
    CrackaBox187
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    dawg i wasn't feelin it, theres a lot it need, ex. Rhyme, but keep workin dawg, keep ya head up and hold'em down
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  8. December 18th, 2003, 02:26 PM #8
    LastPoet
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    ...Hmmm.....I agree with other 'Judges'.. I'm just not feeling it...
  9. December 18th, 2003, 02:28 PM #9
    /:Ayura:\
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    Thats need more work then a bum at a job centre.

    First of all, its too little, aint nobody wanna read that.

    Second, talk real shit, and stop talking abouts hoes and dicks and smacking people out, thats getting played. man i wanna read about some real shit.

    Keep elevating aight, peace
  10. December 19th, 2003, 12:22 AM #10
    WhiteRhymes
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    ya like the others said... very short...
    needs more word play... structure could get better
    sorry but i really wasnt feelin it at all...
  11. December 19th, 2003, 12:21 PM #11
    ak-mixa
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    your rap was tooooooooooooooooooooo short nigga

    it was hard as fuck to readddddddddddddd

    didn't always rhymmmeeeeeeeeeeeee

    and was mostly offffffffffffffffffffffff every damn time

    but good job for trying man I feel dat shit at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  12. December 19th, 2003, 01:49 PM #12
    |>SWIFTWAKYA<|
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    yeh it was short but some of it was rad
    u need to work on u rymes
    and defo u flow

    return faver>>http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=99921
    sfe
    peace out
    Last edited by |>SWIFTWAKYA<|; December 19th, 2003 at 02:13 PM

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  13. June 3rd, 2005, 12:53 AM #13
    aint_no_talk
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    just a newbie

    I just want to tell ya I'm new to this game
    but since I'm cool and all I won't rearrange yo frame
    If any of ya'll cats want to fuck wit me
    just know i'm the one and only T.I.C
    I ain't callin you out
    ya'll motha fuckas is soft as cream
    Just remember my ass is only 15







    Peace out!!!!!!!!(yo shit was tight)
  14. June 3rd, 2005, 01:11 AM #14
    Original Thug
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    That shit was short and it still meerked tha first dude
  15. June 3rd, 2005, 01:19 AM #15
    Original Thug
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    u had yo chance at shinning but now its my turn
    yo shit remind me of weed it always getting burn
    Nigga you aint real, stick to yo job on tha corner
    nigga I hang wit g's and loc's that smoke dat fi marujuanna
    yo rhyme wun shit my bitch can kill that
    didn't understand tha first time i advise you to rewind this shit back
    well i admit you tried yo best
    but i must confess
    i'm lyrically blessed
    so dont mess wit a tru thug that came from tha streets
    i can rap arcapello fuck nigga i dont need no beat
    yo shit was stupid, it didn't make no sense
    what now dirty, i'll fuck yo bitch so she can give u a rinse
    fuck around nigga i'll have u eatin my drugs
    nigga u aint heard shit till u heard me, Original Thug


    I'm out this bitch O.T.
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