User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: ~new verse~

  1. #1

    ~new verse~

    i'll battle you line for line split ya wig from time ta time/
    send three people to ya left cuz you outta ya right mind/
    perplexed thoughts mixed wit detrimental costs equals one complexed hell of a loss/
    the deadliest boss send potent potions ta keep others in they grave tossin and rollin/
    im willin ta keep dealin fo as long as it takes/
    and ready ta make ya famous like da great lakes/
    you broke wit no deal hungry fo a mill/
    reachin for the fo-fo trynna touch me still/
    fa real i mean dawg come back ta reality/
    try an send ya whole army and hood ta come battle me/
    you'll repeat the same feat wit defeat dont ya see/
    end up wishin that you'd neva tried ta mess wit me/

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted...

    but this was ok...your structure could use some work though, some of your lines were a little stretched out there, you should try to make them a bit shorter and keep all your lines around the same length though...your flow was alright, could be touched up...add some multies to this....overall this was ok...keep at it.

  3. #3
    Pot 'Ed pot1ent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    England
    Posts
    1,016
    Battle Record
    16-25
    This was really quite basic.. No multis.. The flow fell off aswell.. Your inners were good.. I was expecting wordplay.. even that being played.. But none at all.. A big dissapointment..Stay Up
    Pot` Ed.

    I dropped to show RM what hot was;
    And this faggot got Butterflies in his stomach the size of Mothra

    Your text is just another weak display
    One fist to your eye'll make it go through that black album remix phase. - Saviour Arraign

    <center>The Faculty</center>

  4. #4
    -->FreeBasE<--
    Guest
    goood vocab

    good rhyme scheme

    a felt it the whole way thru

    keep postin man
    ...........................................

  5. #5
    thanx still uppin!!

  6. #6
    I sing the body electric. Maven.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    3,513
    Battle Record
    16-12
    you need to reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread, or it gets deleted.
    thanks.
    wordperfect?
    ..o0Pure0o..

Similar Threads

  1. And So Verse...
    By ZipperOnTrousers in forum The Studio
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: March 11th, 2011, 03:18 PM
  2. First verse of a three verse Collab
    By DemonBoySaint in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: February 28th, 2011, 10:19 PM
  3. My MJ Verse
    By TheAmbition in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: December 16th, 2008, 06:08 AM
  4. Replies: 1
    Last Post: February 16th, 2007, 10:19 PM
  5. Replies: 0
    Last Post: January 30th, 2004, 10:30 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •