awareness..lemme kno wut u think

[saiNt]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=98144

U wake up, unaware, sayin its an ill mornn..
but blocks from u, moms is havin babies das still born/
abortions are rampid, many niggas getting forced into marriage..
bitches marryin niggas, den divorcing for karats/
niggas for lust prostitutin..putting dicks in hoes mouths dey don even kno..
professors at schoos fukkin dey students..givin em A’s wen dey cant make de grade..
an dey kno dey ain de most astute kid.. but she got huge tits, an she kno if she use it..
she can end up becoming valedictorian..from hoes, niggas handle biches organs..
dat are diseased up, u cant handle bein sick offen/
STD’s, like ghonnorrea, herpes..or siphilus..
pussy infected, y ya still stick ya dikk in dis, is ridiculous/
girls contractin HIV, before dey even as old as age one 3/
stikk to profalactiks afta wut happened ta Magic..
de increasing rate of babymammas is stagnant/
our youth is courruptin, destructions wa we productin..
black girls loss, doin too much fukin an suckin/
we needa re-duce, de drug use..
too much weed an coke turn de nex gen inta dumfools, looking stupid an con-fused/ societies goin inta wars for deities..
pardon me, but mixin religion wid oil is disease..we need ta cease/
all dis useless fightin, too many lives is dyin..
blaks, wites, Indians, Asians an jews, gotta gettalong together..foreva enlightenin…

[Amarant]

seriously i fink u need to elevate.
wodplay werent that good, vocab was average and the flow fell of at places.
structure was alright, didnt really understandthe concept of this piece.
keep writing and u shud get better.

hit my rhyme
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=98014

cheers

[Mistral]

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed..

this was ok....just work on your structure, dont make your lines so long cause it takes away from the flow in the piece..try keeping all your lines around the same length so its flowing good and structured good...but keep at it.

[Endeva.]

i seen you tried to throw sum multis in there..but they didnt really work...ya structure could use some work..but i seen worse...add more complexity....pZ.......