User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Growing Pains

  1. #1
    Shh Hut Yuu Mouth
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    C.O.V. U.K.
    Age
    37
    Posts
    302
    Battle Record
    3-1

    Growing Pains

    ...Growing Pains...


    ...The Beginning of The End...

    ...as feelings unfold..relationships complicate...
    ...partners withhold..secrets from their soulmate...
    ...strain deepens..thoughts grow distant...
    ...life thru a lens..problems exsistent...
    ...realiability inconsistent...
    ...let downs consistent...
    ...spouses grow complacent...
    ...so far apart..yet adjacent...


    ...How Things Were...

    ...happy couple..living for the moment...
    ...like virgin wool..exploring each untouched indent...
    ...new terratory..they enjoyed learning...
    ...emotional glory..fires of love burning...
    ...new reationships...often the best...
    ...but when feelings grow..can they pass the test...
    ...as time streches longer...
    ...and troubles concur...
    ...will love dispearse...
    ...or will it grow stronger...


    ...Growing Pains...

    ...as time passes...each grows more demanding...
    ...jealously surpasses...rational thinking...
    ...each becomes suspicious...
    ...after hearing rumors..nothing but malicious...
    ...anger at cirucmstances..totally ficticious...
    ...blinds the fact...
    ...really theyre auspicious...
    ...to have such an attentive partner...
    ...pray for things how they were...
    ...but like time..life keeps moving forward...
    ...causing moments of feeling akward...
    ...when accusations of adultery are uttered...
    ...heart becomes cluttered...
    ...only way to move on...
    ...is to no longer be together as one...


    ...How Things Are Now...

    ...once too young lovers...
    ...now hate the sight of each other...
    ...how things change...
    ...when jealously reigns...
    ...and couples dont survive...
    ...the growing pains...

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Originally Posted by SpL!T
    The Internet Helps Emccees ALOT...
    I Dont Even Do Audio And Have Been Offered Deals...
    Atleast 7 Deals Have Been Offered To Me...
    How Legitamit Those Deals Were I Dont Know...

  2. #2
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    ..::::..::..::::..
    Posts
    2,550
    Battle Record
    8-87
    ..Wow..pretty good..I actually enjoyed reading this...you have talent~~~~

    ~~Click "Dear journal~~

  3. #3
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    37
    yo that was pretty nice

    what penskills said you have talent

    current battle = http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108901

  4. #4
    Nice & small...I liked your flow I was also feeling you on this...very emotional and I think it happens to us all

  5. #5
    Shh Hut Yuu Mouth
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    C.O.V. U.K.
    Age
    37
    Posts
    302
    Battle Record
    3-1
    ^^^^^^

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Originally Posted by SpL!T
    The Internet Helps Emccees ALOT...
    I Dont Even Do Audio And Have Been Offered Deals...
    Atleast 7 Deals Have Been Offered To Me...
    How Legitamit Those Deals Were I Dont Know...

  6. #6
    Woooooooooooooooo! Provoke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    1,939
    Battle Record
    16-2
    I enjoyed this, especially the ...Growing Pains... part..
    The way u formulated certain emotions is pretty unique..
    Short but strong lines with good flow..makes for a amazing impact.
    I'm assuming this is some sort of a quick key..
    Showing alot of potential.


    Witty Unpredicatable Talent And Natural Game


    My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and there like "Do you wanna trade cards?" Damn Right lets trade some cards, I'll trade you, but not my charizard.

    <img src="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=11608&stc=1">

  7. #7
    I sing the body electric. Maven.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    3,513
    Battle Record
    16-12
    hmmmmm....did every verse trail off on purpose?
    it seemed like the flow was cool at the beginning of each verse, but it slowly trailed off into 3 word lines...which doesn't sound really good.
    I find it helps to write it as if you're going to rap it, that way you develope a flow to it. A good way to find flow is to try to have around the same amount of syllables in every line.
    sometimes subdividing pieces with titles loses the flow. unless each subdivided area is a section of it's own.
    at the beginning of the growing pains section, you rhyme demanding and thinking, which don't rhyme. With words the end in common suffixes (ie. -ing, -ed etc) you need to rhyme the syllable that comes before the suffix in order for the word to rhyme properly (ie. comanding & demanding, thinking & winking).
    your take on the topic was pretty good, I don't think I would have been able to think of something like this for it. I actually would not have been able to write to this topic =/
    nice piece man, room for elevation, but theres always room for that
    peace
    wordperfect?
    ..o0Pure0o..

  8. #8
    Newbie LUECYPHER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    JERZ
    Age
    41
    Posts
    10

    Post

    this was an iight piece... more of a poem then a verse, but it had some nyce points... mainly because you got a nyce vocab and that really added something extra to this.

    this got stronger as it went on and the story unfolded... I think the first half lacked a little emotion. But then end picked up and made this worth reading. I really liked the way it ended... this was a good piece mang. Stay at it...

  9. #9
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Age
    33
    Posts
    3,963
    Battle Record
    24-7
    very good work... stuck on topic...
    pretty talented as said penskills...
    you aproached the topic ver well...
    hit up my open mic in my sig... COrrupted Visionz:Reppin'
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  10. #10
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Bronx
    Age
    35
    Posts
    12,574
    Battle Record
    7-15
    Your flow was very confusing..Not saying that the Piece as a whole was bad, but flow plays an essential part sometimes. It seemed kinda confusing as each line kept decreasing. You did it enough times to convince me that it was on purpose so I was wondering why did you use that. Other than that, this piece was very well executed. Good imagery, and its what I liked most about it, and it came a bit misleading but that is okay. Work on what Maven said, it helps out alot. Good Job and I hope to see more from you in the future.
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    615
    more of a poem then a rap but still it was nice ,
    u lost the flow every now and then and the structure wasnt so good but it was a good read

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195

Similar Threads

  1. Growing Pains
    By Cody Nash in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: May 23rd, 2011, 02:23 AM
  2. Growing Pains
    By Decade in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: January 6th, 2008, 12:09 PM
  3. Growing Pains
    By aSap iLL in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: March 29th, 2005, 02:08 AM
  4. Growing Pains
    By shorty0069 in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: April 17th, 2003, 08:53 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •