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Thread: And We Wonder ..

  1. #1
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    And We Wonder ..

    And We Wonder

    Dark clouds storm the Heavens, tear drops of fire begin to fall
    Demons for hire are on call, Gods no longer standing tall
    Angels begin to crawl on their knees, the flames of Hell emerge
    They scortch the earth ablaze, now pheonix's replace the birds
    Satan's on the virge of a new reign, women and children scream
    Open fields are no longer green, Lucifer's hate fill their dreams
    Steam rises in the distance, people cry, Satan listens
    To their wishin' for Heavenly ambitions, I have pity for these Christians
    In less than an instant, wat once was life became the living of death
    And wat once was our pride for breath, diminished, till nothing was left ..

    As the golden road falls, dark clouds fill the skies
    Eye's begin' to wander high, as people bathe in a bath of lies
    Angels cry, as they see their Master fall from His throne
    Then He stands up and walks away, cuz He wants to be alone
    This was His home, but not anymore, he begins to wonder wat happened
    As he looks down thru the dark clouds, an image of Satan laughin'
    He hears the Purley Gates crashin' down, as the gates of Hell open
    In the distance He hears the sound, of a million halos bein' broken
    Bibles closin', as His rival basks in his victorious triumph
    God sees him trample over the world in silence, and wipe his feet on Mt. Zion ..

    He sits off on a mountain somewhere, watchin' all this from a distance
    The annhialation of Christians, Heaven bein' wiped from existance
    He sees the fires of Hell kissin' the silhouete of the horizon
    How could all of this happen, without the sons of God realizin'?
    As he despises the doings of his father, he begins to walk the other way
    What would his mother say? Did she have a part in this occuring today?
    In a way this should be wat he wanted, so why does he hate it?
    It's not his fault he was born ill fated, was his life mistaken?
    Breakin' from the visions of evil, he turns to God, hands uplifted
    Hopin' that God'll listen, even tho Satan's the reason he's existed ..

    Dear Heavenly Father, why is this happening? Wat is the cause?
    Why are your people runnin' around lost, as my father recieves applause?

    Son, I've tried to prevent this, but My sons were who made this happen
    From their greed to rule the world, and see others lay in a grave of ashes
    It is me who should be laughin', cuz they've chosen to disobey Me
    Lately they've stopped acknowldegin' My being, and have started to erase Me
    They used to praise Me, but now they worship others before Me
    Now they teach their children greed and money, instead of bible stories

    Im sorry. U shouldn't be, it's not ur fault, don't bother
    By the way who are you?
    I'm the reason Satan is a father.

    A.i

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  2. #2
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    A.i

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  3. #3
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Interesting - You left some questions in my head at the end though. How is the child of Satan connected to the destruction? How is Satan beating God? Also the main character, "he", who does that refer to? At first I thouhgt you were telling it from God's view but then the third verse seemed to be from Satan's son's view - did you switch?

    That aside - flow was good spoted a good number of internals. Vocab was pretty good but a few things seemed out of place. ie: phoenix's replacing the birds - this had me like "huh?". Concept was fairly original as far as I know. Nice work overall - just expand a bit I think. Keep writing - hit my Lamentations if you get a chance.

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    Hence Forward

  4. #4
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Man it's pretty explanatory .. 1: Satan 2: God 3: Satan's Son :4: The Convo between God & Satan's Son askin' why this is happening ..

    A.i

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  5. #5
    I Am The Light deacon's Avatar
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    alright...i peeped this piece...and enjoyed the better half of it..some things seemed rushed for findinga good rhyme scheme...but overall nice piece man....interesting topic as well.....satan had a son? hahhaha messin.
    softfocus



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  6. #6
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    You are most defintely one of the most overlooked on this site..this piece was very well written..yet it's getting slept on...???....strange soda....*Goes to top five under`rated on this site thread*

  7. #7
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    This was an ok concept..

    The content was good, flow was good..
    Wordplay was ok, and the vocab was good..
    Opener was ok and the closer was good..
    You had to read the whole piece to know what was going on which is good when it comes to wanting nice feedback...

    Keep droppen' the hotness...
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  8. #8
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Uppin' this .. One

    A.i

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  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    alright this read was worth it even though it looked liek a novel.. I like the story you presented here it was really dope.. my favorite part was the ending between God and Damien (Satans Son) it really opened my eyes on alot of things and was well written good stuff Ill Ment..
    Artificial Intelligence

  10. #10
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Im not Ill Ment foo .. Get it right .. Or I'll make you my i-net ho .. One

    A.i

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  11. #11
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Last time ..

    A.i

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  12. #12
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    I actually enjoyed this piece. It was a good read. The God/Devil thing has been done a lot, BUT.. this was still an enjoyable read none the less. Nice work.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









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