I Never Seen The Car Coming

[Reeco]

I Never Seen The Car ComingWritten By Timeless


Present

I never saw the car coming; I am now an outlaw of social acceptance..
.Ranked a misfit by others…
…People stare and point while in my presence
These scars hurt like shards of glass, when looked upon
Because I know what their really thinking,…
…look at him, there’s something wrong
I once shone like a star, Girls used to look my way
But no more, the laughs haunt me…
…they’ll do so everyday!!
I know I’ll never be the same again ever
Let me rewind it back…
…here’s my vicious endeavour!!

Past

The road was long, seemed never ending
The sun casting shadows in the road…
…up where the road started bending
we had a nice day, went to the cinema and shit
my sister was in the car..
…2 minutes till the car impact hit
we turned the radio up loud
we were so happy singing…
…bobin our heads to the sound
there was traffic lights up ahead
I didn’t see them…
…30 seconds until the windscreen would be in my head
thru lights!! impact!! Face smacked!!
Spinning!! shooting pains…
My sister flung from the back
Next silence before I hear my sisters cries
Blood everywhere…
…she began closing her eye
DON’T DIE, DON’T DIE, I screamed
To late she was…
…I got cold from head to toe, so it seemed
my life faded like sunset
eyes closed to…
…mind of undying regret!!

Present

I did die In that car crash
My wounds a joke…
…And even heaven laughs
I wish I could turn back the clock, And reject the past!!

[Reeco]

Please dont sleep on this!!!! uppin for vet opinions!!!!

[Fresh]

This was an interesting concept, nice and original... But I think it could have been presented alot better... When the crash happens, your trying too make it all dramatical and deep and shit, but I just wasnt feeling it there... I think you just needed more imagery and metaphors... Also add some multie's, and better rhymes to spice it up...

Other then that it was still a decent piece... I haven't seen a topic like this done before.. Good job on originality... I think the first verse (present) was nice, had some imagery in there and some nice concepts... I saw some ok wordplay... Overall I'd give this a 7/10... On a skilled rappers scale... Decent drop, just pour your emotions out more deep... Kno what I mean?

Could you hit up the piece in my sig, be much appreciated.

By the way, good battle bro you hadda really nice verse.
Peace.

[Reeco]

thanks, ill hit yours up when i get home from college!!

[Reeco]

come on uppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ELEETE]

You impress me with every drop...You've been getting a lot better ever since you started off...this piece had good emotion...good imagery...everything was pretty good...The concept was interesting in its own sense but you did a pretty darn good job...

we had a nice day, went to the cinema and shit
my sister was in the car..
…2 minutes till the car impact hit
we turned the radio up loud
we were so happy singing…
…bobin our heads to the sound
there was traffic lights up ahead
I didn’t see them…
…30 seconds until the windscreen would be in my head
thru lights!! impact!! Face smacked!!
Spinning!! shooting pains…
My sister flung from the back

Good story telling there bud...I liked this piece...One of your better ones i must say...great job!! Check the link in my sig an drop some feed on my latest OM....THE LEGEND OF ZELDA....Thanks!!!

[Reeco]

ok uppin...........................................

[JONESY_UK]

this was a nice piece time, i enjoyed readin it, it had good imagination. it read alot of ur drops man and you very impresive man, this also have great emotion too it.
myself i would of set it out a little better, but hey still a great piece man.
both past and present had good concept man. vocab wasnt brilliant but didnt need to be as it was worded well ne way.

overall

7 half/ 10
good job



check out my OM ill drop it soon

[Edicius]

Dont center` if yoo lines dont match, pz.

[Reeco]

^^ thanks for those kind words, lol uppin..............

[נєм]

fuck man that touched me deep i was realy feelin that.. some of them lines are dope i dont now how you thought of them honestly.....
7.5/10 good job man honestly.......

hit this up plz in return...
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121118

[Reeco]

uppin for some vets!!!!!!!........................

[Freeman]

Hello..

Ok.. Here we go..

This is your best piece so far that I have read..

What you did right..
Transitions.. Nice and smooth..
Multi's..
Flow.. In most places..
Structure (bitten off mine.. ..)..
Concept.. Not really original, just nicely hit..
Imagery.. Could imagine people laughing at him.. And feel the pain of his scars and so on..

What you did wrong..
Centering the verse using that structure looks newbish..
Split it up into sections.. I hate it when people do that.. Even though ive done it once.. Doesnt make it right.. Lol..

Overall..
Nice drop by you..

Hit up my latest.. "For The First Time.."
Thanks..
Pz..

[Reeco]

uppin............................................. .........

[Laureate]

Well done Timeless, Your imagry was dope man...Liked the transitions between pieces...vocab was nice..Emotion was pretty good..maybe one thing you could up a bit...but very nice drop man

Please peep
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121263