Residuals of Mrs. Randal (Dark)

[Bounce]

Residuals of Mrs. Randal

I remember the room back in that December of doom
Entombed in an illusion, to be exhumed in confusion
Delusion my existence, occlusions fed my persistence
Subsistence through faith, a true coexistence in place

Bass pounds in my chest as alarms sound in the west
Rest is weary as my heart continually beats with a fury
Jury hung my daughters young shell lies in a icky mess
Emptiness pervades me whilst the bastards invade me

Persuade me not, for I’ll never play into your clever plot
Allot my mind & body but you can NOT my eternal soul
Control’s the demon for which you spill & viscously thrust
&’bust my being w/an unsheathed lust. A repeated disgust

Must I continue to live while Denise’s young life is ceased?
Feast on my flesh caged in a stale concrete dungeon of death
Breath defies me in a dark room w/a single beam for support
Contort my reality while a life swatted hangs in the shadows

The Pic shows the residuals of the Randal’s very last visuals
Pixels capture the captured prior to fracture in mental stature
Not sure of their fate Kate agreed to transfer out to Kuwait
Couldn’t wait to surprise her husband the Commander of tanks

Ranks above the rest make this man a true target of ill intent
Insurgents sent out at night to kidnap a sleeping innocence
In a sense this was retribution for a war waged on a whim
Trim the fat as you wish, but we fund munitions by the limb

Grim as it may be freedom comes at a cost. 1 nation under god
Were Ghod’s planned in a Mosque & war’s waged for a cross
Across a barren desert in Iraq another parent’s killed, in fact
Attacked by enemy shells while he learned of his daughters hell

Farewell sweet sanity I bid thee adieu along with my family
Calamity unfolds as a mind erodes due to sensory overload
Bestowed the trophy’s of war my fallen soldier once wore
Abhor the vile teachings that claimed the llves of those I adore


-Found written in blood on a wall of a maximum security sanitarium-





-Bounce

[Bounce]

Replied to Duo's Best OM yet or something along those lines.
Replied to


Below is the picture topic we wrote to.

[Born To Kill]

Like, woah...

I'm a have to read this a couple times, at least...

Lemme ponder and decipher so I can provide proper feedback, my man.

[Bounce]

Yeah take your time bro, I appreciate it. This was my last SS playoff verse against Tim Corleone. I'll add the pic we wrote to in a sec... Pic added in second post

[Laureate]

Yeah Bounce this was nice...weird ass rhyme scheme
A......................A
A......B..............B
B......C..............C
C......D..............D
I thought of doin sumthin like that before...makes the piece more
intersting....overall the piece was great...altho the story was
actually pretty simple, the emotion you through into it made it
into a dope drop...would have liked to have seen more imagry
but your emotion and rhyming made up for it.....overall a dope
drop once again Bounce

[Bounce]

^ Rhyme scheme was a little different from what you put up there, but for the most part close. Thanks for taking the time people...

[Born To Kill]

Aight...

Honestly, this picked up and ran nicely after "The pic shows the residuals"...about half way through it, it became dope as hell.

Before that, I just couldn't vibe with what was put in front of me, but I'm thinking you mighta meant to do that...start off slow, then build to a crescendo of insanity and violence and regret.

If so...props...you drug out the beginning to avalanche the end.

As a family man, I felt alot of desperation, almost lunacy (and I guess so if he's in a psycho ward now) reading this, just thinking what kinda an ass puts his family in harms way in such a fucked up country during such a fucked up time.

Kinda like screaming at the movie screen trying to save the dumb bitch before she opens the closet we know the killers hiding in. I wanted to say, "no you dumb fuck, you're wife is hot and your kids beautiful! don't put them through this!!!"

But, alas, he does...and you portray a good rendering of what happens when you carry such truckloads of guilt...you fucking snap.

Good read, interesting rhyme scheme, ya shit always provides that.

Wasn't thrilled with the topic cuz I just wanted to slap holmes repeatedly...

But, nice shit all around.

Peace

[Bounce]

^ Read again, it's her, kate is the one that survives. Her husband the commander of tanks is killed by enemy shells. She is given his medals and goes complelty insane after the loss of her entire family. Kate was the one who accepted an assingment oversea's, hence the line about suprising her husband the commander of tanks. He didn't even know she was in country until he learned of his daughter's death and his wife's ordeal. At that exact moment in time he is killed by an enemy attack. Kate loses everybody, and yes the first half of the story was used to build suspense. The first stanza completly foreshadows the entire story.
Exhumed in confusion: When kate was recovered from her place of capture she is complelty mixed up.

Entombed in an illusion: Kate had to create a false reality just to maintain the strenght to live on after her daughter was brutally killed as she watched. All the while she is locked in this chamber of death.

Delusion my existance: Well that is pretty stright forward after the explanations above...

Occlusions fed my persistence: Kate was forced to block out the horrors that were on going during that period inorder to hold on in a physical sense. Mentally she was already boarder line crazy.


Subsistance thru faith, a true coexistance in place:Her survival was only possible due to her strong faith, not only in God but in her understanding of good and evil. Kate was confident teh US was doign the right thing in Iraq and held onto that notion throughout her ordeal. She was forced to coexist in her own body but escaping to a hidden corner of her mind where she was free from reality. To live in ones mind yet exisist in the physical sense there is an air of coexistance in place.


The hole part about a life swatted hangs in the shadows is a descriptive line. It calls out part of the picture. If you look at the support beam you'll see a shadow outline of a fly swatter hanging right above dennis (the daughter), which directly foreshadows her death. I tried to combine the imagery of the picture with a slgiht metaphoric description of a tradgic event.

The scheme is one I use for added speed of delivery in audio. I find that this format allows me to spit witht he most effeciency and maximum delivery. It's something I do alot.

[Born To Kill]

Ahhhh!

I missed that.

Interesting twist...I didn't see it, sorry, dude!

[Bounce]

No need for appologies, it happens, and that is what I really wanted. I didn't want to to be something people caught flat out, I wanted the reader to have to think about it for a sec. So I'm happy it wasn't blatantly obvious, since I do have a more encrypted style woven into this.

[Foreshadow]

Bounce damn you put alot of thought into you open mics because I barley picked up half of what you said two posts up.. I thought that the flow was amazing although it was real complex and very thought out it was nice.. I liked the story it had alot of imagery after you got past the complex flow and all.. I didnt even realize that kate survived I couldnt tell.. But after reading that the open min makes alot more sense.. Nice drop keep it up mastermind of words..

[SimonSays]

Holy shit.

I thought this was crazy good. The way you developed your plot, was unbelievably interesting, and your rhyme scheme, was friggen awsome. (I dont' swear much LoL)
So much thought and time must of been put into this, I had to read this some where around 5 times before I believe I fully got what you were trying to get at in this. Than I read your explanations of a few lines, which was really interesting, and definetly helped clarify things up for me.

Props to you for this, I also second the motion for this piece.

[Bounce]

Nah man, I put a little over 20 minutes into this with a couple of edits since I posted it. Thanks for you feedback I really appreciate it man. I promise to put more effort and time into the final rounds of the SS playoffs.

[SimonSays]

Upping this piece, because it deserves to be seen.

[Bounce]

up...