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Thread: Step Father Funeral

  1. #1
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    Step Father Funeral

    He's crying in his bed, his mind had another laspe
    His mothers back, his step-dad just broke another lamp
    Tossing and turning, while his pops cussing and burning
    With that fuckin hatred that has him dusting his earnings
    He cracks a laugh quick, half lit, angel dust and acid,
    prolly trippin backflips in the confinement of his tragics
    Then the smash of his fast fist starts to crack ribs
    Upon the boys mother, and the boy, he screams massive
    Roars rip a sweet silence no longer music to his ears
    He's growing two bit near his eyes not excludin tears
    Sobs fill his heart, but he cant let him discover he's
    trying not to make noise while praying under these
    cover sheets on his face that mask his broken stoop
    the same exact covers that shield his open wound
    But if he spoke to you, what would he say to you?
    just use them covers...
    to wipe his ashamed footprints on the way to school
    Abuse the others..
    His mom takes it in black for the slight will
    To make sure his step dad will pay the light bill
    The nights killed, even after the incedent
    Disaster is him within, and plasters his innocence
    With mastered, legitiment, hope to tatter his inners with
    The thought his mom & his step dad arent practicin intement

    moments..
    cuz his mom having sex & getting beat...
    he cant tell...
    the actual difference...

    So behind the dirt-cloth, he sits & behaves
    never quit could he of embedded this pain
    forever recalling shit that was left in his brain
    when he past and left us in desprate distain
    cuz his cover sheets is dirt, ledded in plains
    now the boys sleepin, and his bed is his grave


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170201
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...17#post2079017
    Last edited by Vylint; February 15th, 2005 at 11:38 PM

  2. #2
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    this was Ill .. Pretty damn close to legendary.. could've displayed a little more detail on the little boy and why he was ashamed.. etc... good multies in most parts, some seemed a tiny bit forced.. but very interesting piece. Good flow overall.. Good emotion... Good story.. wish you'd made it longer..

    dope

  3. #3
    Merk Squad
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    Awards Legendary Battle Haymaker Maddnes Champion - HM 3 winner 50+ Wins Legendary Member OM HOF LLL Champion LLL Season Champion LLL HOF
    word... excellent piece... I liked this. Never seen you do this type of shit before... impressed vy.

    stay writin.

  4. #4
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Awards LLL Season Champion LLL HOF 200+ Wins
    Yeah, man...

    Like, Feebs said...this is almost Legendary...the ending kinda needs work...

    But aside from that...damn.

    Good shit, great flow...

    Nothing more to say except...

    Good fuckin work.

  5. #5
    GED tha team Lil Cap0ne's Avatar
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    ^yes very nice work just do sum minor stuff and it would be perfect keep up the writing

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  6. #6
    Banned
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    Closed. In one of those links you just said one line thing not even leaving feedback on it. So, Closed.

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