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Thread: The sequels End

  1. #1

    The sequels End

    Life is a damn movie sequel
    Always exultant right until the end
    Then with just one moment left
    Turmoil’s repeated pattern begins
    Again and again until you’re wondering
    What’s going to torment you next
    And when you assume that the agony’s over
    The next movie proves to be more complex
    You’re getting trampled by life’s struggle
    And it seems to be an inevitable path
    And you’d think it’s what you’ve done
    Yes, this must be God’s wrath
    Right? Or does he even worry
    That you’re getting beaten to death
    Does the “good lord” even feel it
    When life’s chaos is taking his best
    When your approaching death’s calling
    Do you still smile when you’re holding that gun
    To your head as the credits flash before your eyes
    And the sequel has finally reached and end, it’s done

  2. #2
    demonseed
    Guest
    man I feel this...i know well the struggle!
    And there aint nothin worse than a build up to end!
    Good job on this piece TP!~
    >"You’re getting trampled by life’s struggle
    And it seems to be an inevitable path"
    werd

  3. #3
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    3,107
    Battle Record
    8-8
    This was a good poem and I liked the outlook that I recieved... You did a verse nice job and all the advice I have is keep it up and drop what you feel.

  4. #4
    thank you guys and foreshadow your outlook has always meant alot cuz you and verity done helped me elevate with your advice demonseed thanx also for your feed cuz you hit up errethang yall drop some links n ill hit em up

  5. #5
    Banned chuck taylor.'s Avatar
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    ya good shit baby, ya really cracked it on this one, i felt it.. best thing ive read in fucking days.. like shadow i mos def felt it and keep it up
    won

  6. #6
    Live, Love, Burn, Die
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    You keep it coming I was feeling it. You got skills, just keep writing.

  7. #7
    Retired.
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    Nowhere
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    this was a tight poem
    nothin really bad about it to me...
    keep droppin
    the only poetry i enjoy readin

  8. #8
    Only meant it if it hurt
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    611
    this was a nice lil drop. it's the first peice i've ever read by you so far so good. I like the concept of the peice a lot but the only thing that put me off a little is that the metaphor wasn't consisnent first it was a sequel then you discribed a series ect. if I were you I would have said life's a series but that's just my opinion
    <img src="http://rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=13116&stc=1">



    Your face looks really nice today

  9. #9
    thanx will take into consideration

  10. #10
    yea... Red_'s Avatar
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    5-0
    tight drop homegurl.....i been keepin in touch with your werk and oyu really have improved....

    everything about this was tight....no probs found in my eyes baby....

    lookin forward to more of your poems....keep dropping

  11. #11
    Micstro
    Guest
    In all honesty this kind of took me by suprise, No offense or anything, but I thought this would be a little bit more novice. I liked the meta of a movie, its a common comparison, but still you did this pretty nice. I thought that the rhyme scheme was iffy, but the content of it was pretty nice. I really enjoyed how this had the casual convorsation feel. almost prose... This was pretty good, thanks for the feedback on my poem... Stay up, keep writing

  12. #12
    wow neato meta to the movie. Like micstro said i noticed your rhyme scheme was a little off. But i thought it was pretty original and a nice drop overall.
    id appreciate it if u left feed on mine http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172249

  13. #13
    i got chu yo

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