Want to know a secret?

[K9_THESHIT]

Want to know a secret?





A dark trail thru the concrete jungle,
Dogs bark pale as my feet wander,
while bleak thoughts rumble inside my mind
like a weak thunder...
In defeat I crumble…
Humble under the bitter weight of my electric storm,
Betrayed…Hate litters my judgment as I stumble
over two paths in the exact shape&form,
Fate glitters horned as I escape from one path to another,
Heart starts to shudder as a voice so wicked is uncovered:
“Want to know a secret?”
Melted within noise from crickets I barely hear it,
So I continue away from its lyric…
.
.
.
Two hours passed since those strange words,
Hate showers cast hoards of rage thoughts, bleeding
me with grim swords,
But like dim notes of scratched chords of a violin,
Those wicked words return from within a shadow ahead:
“Want to know a secret?”
“…In 10 minutes you’ll be dead…”
The voice itself deploys a bled feeling under my skin,
I turn around my spinning head drowned in fear,
On the ground thin shadows appear and disappear...
My heartbeat almost fled&my feet are turning to lead…
.
.
.
I start to run…
.
.
.
I run rabidly to escape the dark,
Begun to rapidly be scraped by death sparks,
My languid breath marks the sign of complete fright,
Depraved shadows creep thru the night like a shark as I run
in search of sweet light,
And suddenly craved hope in sight,
I reached a street alive…
.
.
.
As he stands in bliss in the street,a drunk driver hits him…



With wide eyes I see my breath gone,
Would I’ve still have died if I hadn’t begun to run?

[K9_THESHIT]

Links:
#1
#2

[K9_THESHIT]

nobody wanna know a secret?

[Issue]

Nice new style, we just evolve man lol, it works nice too.

First off, your closer killed it.. I mean, it was simple but in its way climxed the entire piece, it gave you something to think about, you ended on a question which was set to make us wonder, which will make those who read it remember the piece. Your new style, much like mine, is bordering on poetry aswell as the drops OM is used to, creative wordplay and strong flow, but not all cased into a certain structure, not unique but eye-catching, a strong way to write imo... Now the vocab was nice here, a little simple than usual but kept the flow nice and on point, one word rhyming comes off best in these piece i feel, and the rest just added to it. I kinda got lost in the imagery at points, you didn't go overboard but it wasn't vivid, it was like I was seeing it through what you were saying, but I couldnt understand what it was, still strong at points though, especially the closer as I already mentioned. The emotion was here and there, wasn't really needed in this piece I don't think, something that requires a lot of imagery doesnt need emotion to carry it, you had a bit of feeling but like I say, it didnt really matter. Your structure is the same Im starting to use, easier on the eye aswell as helping the piece, shows a creative side and not just one-dimensional, well put and thought out, nice work on that.

Overall, this was some good shit my brother, I 'm sorry I slept on you so much lately but I been hectic in life and have barely been replying, i will in TCT though, my Topical Collaberation Tournament partner! lol, peace man, take it easy.

Oh, an check out ADDICTED, its in my sig....

[p.Immortal]

Word. The closer was ill. But you started the action with wordplay and every line added to the suspense. I like your style, because the dark mood works well with the message in the drop. The first ill point was the first time you said, Want to hear a secret. You built up to the point well. The second time was even better because the action picked up and kept rolling until the end.
very nice drop.

Peace.

[sILLable]

damn,ill piece,after illusion's reply there aint much left i can say except,it was ill,and i enjoyed it mos def,keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

[K9_THESHIT]

thx for the feed Issue and p.Immortal.Issue i'll check yours out sometime later.

and you diversesyndicate...you better start reading the pieces you leave feedback on,and make sure it's a decent feedback,not two shity lines.

[Lyrical .45]

I really enjoyed reading this.. it's a change from the shit I read more often. The wordplay, especially the closer and the intro sections got me into it. You had me wanting to read more. Keep up man.

L45

[Kalos Graphē]

yo k9 that was theshit! real poetic man real poetic, yo i liked that piece especailly the end, kinda tops it off real nice man, was tha icin on the cake yanoe wat im sayin... i had trouble catchin that wit a beat tho, i thought that was more o' a poetry type thing than a rap.. the rhymes was all there, nicely played out, vocab was awesome... i liked the sort of mystery theme, the darkness behind the piece... then the ending was like a kick in tha behind, real dope man... like i say with issue's pieces over and over again i try 2 think o sumtin to help u improve on but, sometimes i cant cuz a piece is so good..

yo man return the favor and check my piece out, not as good as urs but w/e i'll get there
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=194419

[K9_THESHIT]

thx...i'll check out your pieces when i have some spare time.

upp

[Deviate]

This was very good K9... Very creative... Great imagery... New style and structure too that worked well. I enjoyed this... Sorry it has taken me so long to reply, just been very busy. Glad I took the time to check this out... It was good. You're getting better and better each time I read your stuff. However, some places it seemed like you were really trying to make this really good... Almost like it was forced rather than natural... That might not make much sense it's just my personal impression, I know I do it all the time.

Nice piece though... Keep it up...

Peace

[Ill Techniquez]

nice concept fo real man
was feelin practically everything in this, imagery was good never lost me at all on that
vocab wasnt very complex, but i gotta feeling you intended it to be like that
structure was good, nothin wrong with it
overall a dope drop, keep at it

[K9_THESHIT]

Thx for the feeds.Really apreciated.

[K9_THESHIT]

...

[K9_THESHIT]

let the secret out!