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Thread: The Metamorphosis of a Rose - SpokenO and K.

  1. #1
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
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    The Metamorphosis of a Rose - SpokenO and K.

    K - Middle Verse
    Spoken - 1st and 3rd


    I used to ask people the question of life
    Until the matter of fact shattered the plight
    A knife jolt to the humboldt in the rise
    Of an anti-christ poetic in form and size
    Reside in the blossom of blooming flower
    Consuming hours in transition to valour
    And veritas isn’t symbolic; for the future
    Grasps the roots in the widened cracks of pewter
    Prized in manure for the dismal plant
    Where thorns are lanate in humanly stance
    Precious elixir of life; leafed diamond
    Chose over the tropical shores of islands
    For a morgue of water, encapsulated asylum

    A mortal child, beguiled with each unconscious breath
    Rose from the concrete living for her subconscious death
    Left for adoption the insensitive option from human
    An innocent figure till she’s delivered maturity acumen
    Live for the moment until realism offers a hollow subsidence
    When it happens she’ll regret she didn’t follow her guidance
    Put hence on the blame, try to reframe from labeling her mistakes
    The world’s misery flows in lakes..
    Innocent takes magnetic form and attaches to aches
    Flakes of her pureness escape, as she grows more mature
    If you haven’t a focus in life, your outcome becomes obscure
    To secure her spot as a teen ‘cause her childhood is finished
    She must betray her frame work, to portray her image
    As the infant grows older, with her life now self managed
    Roots are formed from her stem, and concrete is damaged
    Her elder life is a test, no rest for her mental fitness
    How can she make a difference if one has never been witnessed?
    And what’s sick is her years have been exposed to slaughter
    The rose can’t point to the sun if it is starved from water
    A lonely daughter, this rose has been subjected to thorns
    Her existence torn, we can mourn..
    ..as earth is no fit place to be born.


    A diety of beautiful music encased
    In a fate solidified by it’s glass vase
    Raped of it’s natural into a gradual decline
    Inclined to soon wither in winter’s time
    Bitter wine draped onto it’s love lost in toil
    Rainbows shrunk into the horizon for April soil
    Seraphs’ lyres shook Elysium into ruins
    While a child’s cry was left in contempt of humans
    Left aside for the pesticide, chemicals, and darkness
    Stilled in the tarnish of Mother Earth’s black carcass
    Soon all was gone in dawn’s melancholy light;
    White drapes caped the day’s survival at night
    And a brittle torn rose answered my question of life

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    Last edited by nolonger; June 5th, 2005 at 04:03 PM
    can I kick it?

  2. #2

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    This has come out dope.....nice collab my man.

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  3. #3
    Po'Ethics
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    Sorry this is going to be kinda brief... Personal issues.

    Spoken - You wrote very well here. Great vocabulary and writing quality, I enjoyed your piece. Just to point out though valour doesn't rhyme with flower. Some parts seemed slightly forced, however, overlooking that it was very good.

    K - This was very good... You're right this is some of the best writing you've ever done. I enjoyed it... The vocabulary, imagery and metaphors all added to it, resulting in quite a complex piece. The approach was good too...

    Overall, very nice collab guys. Keep it up... Spoken if you could leave feed on "Out of Ammunition" in my sig I'd appreciate it, K already left some.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  4. #4
    La Foret Incineratedrose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deviate
    Just to point out though valour doesn't rhyme with flower.
    its prounonced Val-or... so actually, yes it does.

    but anyway,

    Spoken - pretty much as Deviate said, i liked a lot of your stuff, as always... You had a really good all around verse, solid would be a good descriptive word. The vocab, as always... amazing, that is always my favorite part, to see what words you can make work and how they all just flow to a rythm.. its great, good job.

    K - You had a really good verse too, i need to head myself over to Train Tracks, i enjoyed reading yours just as much... I liked the vocab, and the concept... You also had a really good and solid verse.. i think this collab turned out way well... but what would we expect? HUH!?!??

    Good job to the both of you, i really enjoyed reading.
    MondoThugs.

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    Meta. Convicts

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  5. #5
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
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    can I kick it?

  6. #6

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    word thank you.

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  7. #7
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Spoken...good 2 verses...I liked your 2nd a bit better....vocab was strong but not too wordy...your words were put together very smoothly I thought....imagry and emotion were present, but not as strong as ive grown accustomed to with works by you...no worries tho...still a very good piece

    K.....also a nice verse...i thought imagry was your strongpoint...your rhyming was very well done also.....read very smoothly....a nice drop by you yet again


    please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199395
    Last edited by Laureate; June 6th, 2005 at 08:12 AM
    A few achievements here and there

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  8. #8
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Great topic and smooth collab between the two of you which stayed on topic. K's verse was filled with strong vocab and great imagery:

    As the infant grows older, with her life now self managed
    Roots are formed from her stem, and concrete is damaged

    ^^beautiful, great work man. I liked the way Spoken kind of tied his 2 verses together as well, some real philsophical stuff going on in this one.

    Keep on posting. if one of you could rep my newest piece "a criminal's argument" i'd appricaite the feedback.

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  9. #9
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Nice collab, I must say. Both verses seem to be rather diverse but seemed to follow the same blueprint. I like the way it was structured with K's verse being surrounded by Spokens stanza's, worked well...and the subject content spoke lengths too...I liked it.

    And I see Spoken's becoming more wordier than me...haha

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  10. #10

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    thank all.

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  11. #11

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    up for me and spoken yo!

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  12. #12
    Newbie professor rhymes's Avatar
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    worded real good it all flows perfect good verses and concept I like it all

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    thank you

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  14. #14
    THE BIRDMAN$
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    nice job

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    yeah.

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