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Thread: You are God.

  1. #1

    Join Date
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    You are God.

    You are God

    Can we please have a moment of silence for lives lost to religion
    …..
    ….

    ..
    .
    Irish green was wasted, replaced with dusty colors forming an awning
    The place were dew couldn’t settle and birds to scared to sing in the morning
    Warming pollution coated and was found devoted to the air
    If the majority isn’t making an effort the minority’s facing despair
    The local square was captured, enraptured by the Irish terror
    Found home ground to warfare for the catholic, protestant error
    The weather turned for the worse, a curse fell upon the estate
    Weather is a trend setter..
    ..For worse or better gifted the Catholic’s feelings of hate
    Irate emotions and religious devotions, eased the Catholics mission
    Ambition to represent tradition..
    ..Had them taking more blood than Crips within prison
    The Protestants position was situated directly opposite their spot
    As the plot grew thicker, so did the cloud cushioning the chimney pot
    The tension got intense due to suspense but they remained calm
    Thunder witnessed the men kneel and rest their heads within their palms

    “Let us pray”

    “Oh mighty lord above us, love us and offer support next to me
    Only sacrificing life’s to endeavor, ever so closer to your ecstasy
    Guide us to the light, as we fight for you in order to learn
    Each cup of blood captured feeds you energy for your return
    Our concern for your world is curled up within our aggression
    An obsession for happiness..
    ..Can often result in deep depression
    But our confessions enable us a stable footing that’s exposed
    And when we kill the none believes we pray your gates are closed
    You are my God”.

    “Let’s do it”

    The Catholic’s started to panic, manic of making this worthwhile
    While one cocked his weapon the other one grimed with a smile
    Versatile with passion, crisp and light on their feet as they traveled
    Present with each step past their destiny, as their future unraveled
    And as they gathered outside the destination, grenades by their side
    Detonation was thrown, as a drop of sweat followed the ammunition inside
    The target had subsided the building, and had fled from within
    And left a lost mother grasping in her withered arms his offspring.

    “Children let us pray”

    “Lord I am not scared, I was prepared for the damage life courses
    Within a breath of fresh air, it’s only natural to take pauses
    And if you sacrifice my life, tonight I no its heaven I’m seeing
    Cause I sacrificed my life to raise you two healthy beings
    And I no it sounds odd, but if it’s me give me the nod
    As there is no better time to see you, you are my God.”

    R.I.P to all the families lost to religion.




    #1.

    #2.
    Last edited by nolonger; June 11th, 2005 at 09:34 AM

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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Irish green was wasted, replaced with dusty colors forming an awning
    The place were dew couldn’t settle and birds to scared to sing in the morning

    perfect openor.

    this was probably one of the best ive seen from you K, and i mean it.
    your flow was very nice, and your vocab was insane. Your emotion was incredible as well, there is really nothing for me to critique because i cant get nearly as dope as you.

    But man, this is a very, very nice piece.

    hopefully legends

  3. #3

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    thanks man yeah i felt this was one of my best

    blah legends hates me...but thats not why i do it.

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  4. #4
    Banned MakeShyft's Avatar
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    Really good piece. I loved the opener, the rhyming and emotion there was excellent.
    Although, it got better after the first paragraph, and i really felt those parts. Legends material..maybe, an om of the month..definatly. The ending..kinda left me there though, I think with a more solid ending, it would improve this piece.

    Chek out thr clone in my sig.
    Pz

  5. #5

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    thanks i will get to your tonight

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  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Wiccid's Avatar
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    yo that shit was the nices ive redd on here
    Stay Still Herb

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    Push n Herbs Aside


    THE END IS NEAR FOR ALL

    The Establishment

    &


    Lyrical KnockOut

    RESPECT THOSE WHO RESPECT YOU

  7. #7
    bitch.
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    Oh, this was nice...and the opener is what really grabbed my attention. I loved the emotion in it, with the minorities, I could really feel their pain...especially when that mother was praying...really deep. The feeling was there throughout the whole verse, because this was a real emotional piece, if U, or someone U loved was involved in this it would be extremely sad. The imagery was also terrific, throughout almost the entire piece I could picture the setting the the actions perfectly...which made the emotion that much better. U, Kost, Makeshyft, and the Pancakez drop the most interesting open mics. Everytime I am drawn to reading them and giving feedback. And once again, I cant find hardly anything that needs improvement, besides the flow was off maybe one or twice in certain areas because of the very large vocabulary, and I think one line was stretched.

    Perfect piece...very enjoyable

    10/10

    Hit up one of the battles of open mics in my sig...and keep a look out for my next open mic, because I have a great original idea...

  8. #8
    SinnedGlory™
    Guest
    Wow.. dis was beautiful man, ya imagery in this was [never sed dis] perfect. Great emotion, opener was excellent specially the bird refferal in the 2nd line. The title grabbed me to, a gud contraversial one, i liked the topic 2 [catholic/protestant war]. it was extremely original, i don't believe i've seen someone do this, especially not to this extent.

    The tension got intense due to suspense but they remained calm
    Thunder witnessed the men kneel and rest their heads within their palms
    and the closing bars wer a perfect way ta end it. i'll definately drop a nomination for this man. it's evident why your a 5x OM HOF. Killa material dawg.

  9. #9
    Newbie
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    it was good. I like it

  10. #10

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    thanks so much people i did put my heart into this one...be my guest if you wanna nominate sinned and untouchable hit me up on aim.

    Bounce

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  11. #11
    .. Peeg
    Guest
    Very nice piece man.. good subject matter too.. the Northen Ireland conflict is pretty rough.

    I especially liked..

    An obsession for happiness..
    ..Can often result in deep depression

    Great line.. holds alot of truth too.. nicely done.

    Captured the feelings and topic well.

    Another bar I liked was..

    The target had subsided the building, and had fled from within
    And left a lost mother grasping in her withered arms his offspring.

    Flowed perfectly.. great use of vocab and perfect imagery.

    Overall a great piece man.. props.

  12. #12
    Big Blind
    Guest
    this is one of the best ive read on this site.
    you have raw material and the subject matter
    was kept. the flow was perfect no flaws.
    your word play made it very easy to follow.
    you was I there or what Holla back

  13. #13

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    this is the truth.

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  14. #14

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    ......

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  15. #15
    Po'Ethics
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    You know how I feel about this... It's great... The opening is excellent, I love it... The way you wrote it was very good. The imagery... Description... Metaphor... They were all great. However, I think what really made this good was the message you conveyed with most lines, a lot of them had a powerful message... Which, to me, is amazing.

    Nice work... Sucks your opponent no-showed in the playoffs. Be sure to vote on my battle in the playoffs!

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

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