Confessions (My Life)

[Jawn Raw]

Confessions

Well I was brought up never to steal, never to Lie
Persuadin to consider, life pulls fates lever to Cry
When I was a kid, I looked up to my dad Always
But when I turned a teen, I caught his dealin Days
My uncle built a bunk bed, so my dreams sunk Dead
But knowin him, confusion made him a drunk Head
I caught him countin, later night I opened it to See..
So I opened it, I was astonished, wantin to Plea
I seen it was more then 50 pounds, I lost my Mind
Unable to rewind time, visualizin such ones eye Find
So I took a few grams, hid it all in a lays chip Bag
The next day, after school I sold it with a quick Pay
Right on 4/20, impossible my dad didn’t Notice
Only 1 person owin me, I felt without a hint Hopeless
3 days after that day, I smoked for my first Time
1 year passin me by, it felt much like a cursed Chime

Soon I started to see such arguments, it forced Pain
My mother and father, fightin for divorced Shame
So they got divorced, now it’s a dispute for the Kids
I wanted to live with dad, but moms sayin it’s a Fib
So I leave, rollin up my sleeves knownin I wont Hold
My decision is correct, my mission so I don’t Fold
Stuck in reality, askin Christ when do I win Mentality
I live the passion to suffer, feelin the sin Mortality
But never immortality, considerin I cant run Away
My dad tellin me, education is the key for fun Today
Takin all I can as advantage, never to abuse Sabotage
Feelin hopeless, takin all factors to refuse Camouflage
Askin a life question, never to suggest such a Quest
I sever a wish, askin for help with my family Request
To believe my message, to understand I ask Truth
My confession of being involved, believin as a Youth

I cant stop the fights, to much arguing with my Mom
Self destruction, an eruption, explodin its own Bomb
My own selfish thought, arguin creatin my own Steam
But brothers get annoying, now when I’m known Mean
Understandin I messed up, I begin to lose Control
Knowin my dad aint got the money to choose Parole
Confuses me, mesmerized and so frozen I’m Petrified
But I feel stuck in a illusion, feelin more self Glorified
Without one excuse, I ponder why was my dad Fired
Then why was he hired?, beginnin to feel a tad Tired
I take time to idealize, would I gain if I’d Realize..
Fortune and fame, when marijuana makes me feel Lies
Now that my uncle smoked it with me, I want to Quit
Even when it makes me relaxed, my vision goes Split
I asked my uncle to tell my dad, so they shared 2 Drinks
In the middle of the night, my uncle dared to Think
So he told my dad, I smoked a few joints with Him
My dad stuck, mad yet happy, he understood Within
At home the next day, complex yet his checks Say..
We on welfare, why he poor, so I stay back and Pray
I might not live in the projects, I scramble for Subjects
But haters gotta say shit, so I look for proper Objects
Now that my dads knows, its awkward how I cant Stop
Him sayin, fuck the hip hop, yet god wont grant Top

As I say peace to all who misjudged me, I find Frustration
Always behind temptation, I aint afraid to mind Salvation
The aggression of my wish, the fetus to feel and Receive
To always feel relieve, in belief so I begin to Achieve

[Jawn Raw]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...12#post2724512
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...23#post2724523

[Ads]

I like this peice, one of the best ive seen, structure is as close as it can get to perfect, which i like cause it helps the reader, your vocab was very good which makes it and overall better verse, good imagiry i can honestly say i know what you feel like when you wrote this, multis were all there, but i felt like some of them were somewhat forced, but you sortve blended it into everything so that it makes it sound nice..your a dope topical writer ive read alot of your shit and i enjoy every bit of it, keep writing dude, you can still elevate...

word.

good job !!

[CrazyCarl]

It's good to see that you didn't have to rely on "tion/sion" endings. You switched up the schemes you were using for rhyming which keeps the piece from being monotone. The only grammatical problem I spotted was "fid" in the second stanza. The story was good, and as the title suggests, the feelings of the character were a focus of the piece. I liked the imagery in the first stanza.

[Jawn Raw]

It's good to see that you didn't have to rely on "tion/sion" endings. You switched up the schemes you were using for rhyming which keeps the piece from being monotone. The only grammatical problem I spotted was "fid" in the second stanza. The story was good, and as the title suggests, the feelings of the character were a focus of the piece. I liked the imagery in the first stanza.

i just spelt FIB wrong thats all

thanks anyway.

uppin

[Foreshadow]

Dope piece para I really liked it.. I agree with Carl about the rhyme scheme you kept it fresh and it wasn't the same all the way through... I think your beginning to elevate and change up your rhyme schemes and shit... Keep workin..

[.Symbol.]

iight look you're openor was fill wit multies i like the first bar lol if the first bar wasnt good i wouldnt kept on reading, ya OM was so fuckin long but it was good so i kept on reading, I saw that the imagery kept on gettin better through out the story, I could just imagine you're parents fightin and felt how you felt, wow you're ways you wrote was good, structure was good, so was ya flow, the ending was short and simple which was also good...good nice all i can say and overall good verse

[Kaotic Theory]

the flow was remarkable in this piece,good emotion in this also kept the feeling in this intact,the imagery was decent....nicely done,the opener was kinda weird the ay you started off but still dope,nice creativity put into this piece...

the concept i felt was dope....i mean i seen it done before but not in thjis way this one was done in a diferrent situation....anyways nice decent piece man way to rep the family

[Demonic.]

okay your so dope at this man good job on this shit dogg you have good potential okay your structure was so good but if it was like Elemtal Souls structure it waould be dope as hell good though your poetic scripture was nice how you had real good flow i loved that imaginary on how i almost felt like a fucken dream dogg nice it was pretty damn nice i liked it you have alot of talent im go follow up on your skills man good job

[Articulate]

thanks a lot yall.

uppin for feed i'll rtf drop links.

[aSap iLL]

This was a dope peice fam ...i was really feeling it ..your flow was excellent ..your peice flow'd easily..and it had a good smooth rhythem to it ...You had good emotions..and very good imagery.. your feeling going into this peice..was good and it can tell that you took time out to make this drop.. Your Opener was alittle shaky..but after that..it became very interesting a very good drop to read..Overall nice job para
Keep it up

[Shawn Mac]

this was a really dope drop man. At first, I was just lookin for a quick piece that I could give feed so that I could drop a verse, and it would be done. I saw your title, and thought it might be worth readin. once I started reading, it wasnt anythin like what i thought it would be./ it sounds like you've been at this a llong time man. the multi's were there, flow was pretty much perfect and so was the structure. Most of all, I feel that it was really well writtin, cuz It drew me in. It's so much like me but yet its not. it was quite intreeging (In-tree-ging. thats what im tryin to say, but i aint no dictionary. lol) but yeah, great verse man, I'll probly check out another one of yours if I see it. Once I do drop my verse, Ill drop a link so you could return the feed. thanx man. and good job, once again. very impressive......

[Articulate]

thanks a lot, yea fo sho ill leave feed on ya piece man.

uppin for more.

leave links

[Ltizzle]

yea, this was pretty nice...
all verses were solid, but mah favorite was the 3rd...
i could just relate to a lot of the stuff you said in this piece, espeically in the 3rd verse...

your flow was nice for the most part throught out the whole thing...
there were only a couple times were it fell off, but even then it was just a bit..
i loved the lyrics though, its jus really real, and like i said i can relate...
good multis in there too, you managed to pack in quite a few...
so weerd man, good work here....

[Sobe]

yes, the switch of the rhyme scheme was good.. nice imagery..flow was iight... still enjoyed it

I take time to idealize, would I gain if I’d Realize..
Fortune and fame, when marijuana makes me feel Lies

^ i liked how this sounded combined with the two lines before it..but those lines weren't great, just how it sounded with the rhyme scheme

ok piece overall