User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: This Girl

  1. #1
    Apostle OS
    Guest

    This Girl

    It's not the stress of no sex in your tight dress,
    it was our chance to make love that you didn't let,
    I don't shake wit fake thugs, so I ain't givin no fake hugs,
    I'll jus break out and break nugs, high for parties in laced Lugs.

    Strangers walk by wit more eye contact than you do,
    Who am I to say you didn't care? How bout the dude that you lied to?
    Where were you at when I was blind sided by my crew?
    Fuck you, I regret the day I worked up my gut to touch you.

    You didn't really look that good,
    no weight in your chest, uncultured, and an hour and a half from my hood,
    But the first time you climbed on my lap to tongue kiss,
    I felt sometin better than blunt hits and 151 sips.

    I wonder if you ever wonder, what it could have been,
    it's the second time you fucked me over, I'd prolly do it again,
    You never picked up the phone first, you ain't startin a new plan,
    you never reached out your hand, I guess you don't want me as your man.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    On all Ls.
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    New Jersey
    Age
    33
    Posts
    1,368
    Battle Record
    2-4
    Actually, this was a pretty decent drop, your rhyme scheme was a bit simple, but you had good structure, and rhyme scheme. The only thing that i think you really need to work on is your vocab, but that should be easy to improve.

    Just keep writing and you will elevate.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  4. #4
    Zim
    Guest
    I liked the content of this verse, but the flow was off at some points, mostly in the second stanza. But like I said, the content was good, i liked the topic, just work on the flow. Structure was ok as well.

  5. #5
    Apostle OS
    Guest
    good looks y'all, i agree wit what ya said, this was all about content, this girl really fucked me over good . . . keep the work up y'all, 1

Similar Threads

  1. White Girl imitates Dominican girl.
    By The Nav Man™ in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: November 17th, 2010, 09:05 PM
  2. Girl vs. Girl Thread
    By White Dice in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 190
    Last Post: April 20th, 2006, 05:47 AM
  3. My Girl.....
    By El Chapo in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: October 26th, 2005, 09:45 PM
  4. Nostalgia - Ex girl to Next girl
    By VETERAN in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 16th, 2005, 01:07 PM
  5. My girl pt.1
    By Nikyle in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: August 12th, 2004, 08:48 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •