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Thread: End Of The Old

  1. #1
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    End Of The Old

    With a cold glare, he laced his kicks up
    to go where, he could hang up pictures
    Mixed up, had a black garbage sack of clothes
    A box of belongings, and half a roach
    set his box on the ground, inhales the smoke deep
    and pulls his coat coller up to the cold breeze
    it's raining outside when he closes his eyelids
    and trys to find his inner alliance
    with god, now more then ever lacks defiance
    his gloomy day, even dark burned his eyes red
    and he no longer had shelter provided
    didnt know what to do? turn to violence
    or turn to restart the life he never seen
    and find a new bitch to fuck every week
    gold up in his teeth, blah; yea right
    its puff to belive, he'd have that life
    or as his predecessors, could repeat the truth
    and find his head hurt, strung up in a noose
    he lost the only thing hr knew, or could relate to
    never thought they'd be apart, but this what fate do
    every day had faith too, now it finally come tru
    but now he's confused, dont know who to pray to
    or what to do, sent out on his own and lifes hard
    after serving twenty five years behind bars

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    I read this...and had a preformed opinion of where I thought this was going...

    Then came to the last bar...and was like, woah!

    I thought this was some Hurricane Katrina survivor at first...
    Or some cat outta an abusive home...
    Something been done to death.

    But that was a nice as shit twist, man...never saw the prison angle coming.
    Props on that...

    Blah, blah, blah...you already know it but flow was superb...some real good finds with rhyming words...I'd have never figured "kicks up/pictures" or "eyelids/alliance" would flow so well together. Again, nice work.

    Thanks for hitting mine...and thanks for the good read in return!

    Peace

  4. #4
    T.P
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    You know what, i liked this for one reason, cos it was simple and straight to tha point

    Tha vocab wasnt really what i would call outstanding, but sometimes OM's dont need it,

    Tha strengh of this piece was tha emotion and some of tha imagery,

    Iunno why but this piece appealed to me

    Iunno what i was thinking before i got to tha end of it, but like Born said tha prison angle was dope

    Could you help with feedback on my OM.. tha link is in my sig.would be apreciated
    Last edited by TProphet; September 15th, 2005 at 02:34 PM

  5. #5
    Banned
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    Holy shit, this was dope as hell.
    V/Legends.

  6. #6
    flavin's Avatar
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    yeah man this was real good. nice flow through out and just all together dope. the vocab was on key, topic was dope, structure was all good. for bein such a short piece this was pretty damn good. ive only seen a few good real short pieces and this has gota be one of the better ones. good job on this man. please check my om called the darkness inside

  7. #7
    Merk Squad
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    Awards Legendary Battle Haymaker Maddnes Champion - HM 3 winner 50+ Wins Legendary Member OM HOF LLL Champion LLL Season Champion LLL HOF
    nice drop... good imagery.. what can I say. you know what it is

  8. #8
    2012
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    dope shit vy. i like your om writing style. welcome back.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  9. #9
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    upliftit

  10. #10
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    upliftit

  11. #11
    Banned Chozn1's Avatar
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    alot of the lines didnt really rhyme. like u didnt take the time, to find the right rhyme.

    it has a nice story tho.

  12. #12
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    lol your a fucking idiot^. a word can have more then 1 letter difference and rhyme.

  13. #13
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Meh originality and imagery were present.
    Flow scheme was simplistic. Look like you rushed
    this piece somewhat next time take your time.
    Short but didn't lack discription. If you spent a lot
    of time on this piece then it was par, if
    you rushed it then it was above par.

    ok piece.

  14. #14
    Obscene six-17
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    your style and flow is raw the vocab is good your all around soild maybe we can callab get at me on a private message or something looking forward to seeing more of your shit cuz ya nasty...get at me peace

  15. #15
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    this better @ least get hof idiots

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