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Thread: Swimming In My Own Blood. (Last OM Until Jan.)

  1. #1
    Banned Eye`'s Avatar
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    Swimming In My Own Blood. (Last OM Until Jan.)

    Swimming In My Own Blood.

    The Story of Kurt Cobain's Fatal Suicide...

    When I am dead, and over me bright April Shakes out her rain
    drenched hair, Tho you should lean above me broken hearted, I
    shall not care. For I shall have peace. As leafey trees are peaceful
    When rain bends down the bough. And I shall be more silent and
    cold hearted Than you are now.
    .
    Harsh words & violent blows
    Hidden secrets nobody knows
    Eyes are open, hands are fisted
    Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
    So many tricks & so many lies
    Too many whens & too many whys
    Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
    I'm just me, warped & twisted
    Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
    Listening loudly to a silent scream
    Call my mind, the number's unlisted
    Lost in someone so warped & twisted
    On my knees, alive but dead
    Look at the invisible blood I've bled
    I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
    Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
    Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
    Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
    The sun died out, the ashes sifted
    I'm still here, warped & twisted...
    .
    .
    Gripping a scattergun, tied from my palm straight to my chin,
    a life long dream gone, vanished, nothing left from deep within
    Born a monster, though my position went well with the scene,
    a freak accident, no fuck it, I was hatched a psycho to begin!
    Patched myself up when I got in brawls, shot up with meth when duty called,
    to relieve the stress I drank, that was soon to be a reason why this death was my fault
    trapped in a deranged realm, no one can ever describe
    where pain overwhelms, lifes hard-pressed to survive
    possessed with lies, depressed i cry tears of doubt
    suppressed by my eyes, empty echoes, no one hears you shout
    all life is about to collapse, happiness turns to pain
    perhaps never feelin its warmth again, memories burn your brain
    crazy or sane? my consciousness is encaged by steel
    a manufactured illusion, yet my body is made to feel
    and its all too real, suffering slowly erodes my sanity
    fall to a kneel, comforting words explode to profanity
    how can it be, i kept it innocent, avoiding all crime
    betrayed by my thoughts, my content destroyed in time
    devoid of any signs, hope created just to taunt my existence
    swallowed by dark, followed my heart, never thought to resist it
    troubled from the start, but could never ask for assistance
    so the feelings of hate and confinement contiually persisted
    until i believed it was true, my soul caught and contained
    never thought or complained, but it cant be bought or regained
    someone ought to explain what to do, life isn't a game
    i lost myself, mind caved through...ended it with a shot to the brain
    .
    i was detained in a world that was created from dreams
    where pain would curl around any reflecton that gleamed
    every breath taken it seemed always deflated with screams
    and the only form of help offered, was just outdated regimes
    its far more extreme, madness had infected my cognition
    never to be free again, my sanity had selected ignition
    death infested my vision, if only you saw it through my eyes
    my mind was a prision...... and the only escape was suicide
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Sickly and bronchiatic as a child, lead singer of Nirvana
    as an adult. Kurt Cobain's body was found by an electrician
    visiting his home to install a security system. When no one
    answered the front door, he peered through windows. The electrician
    thought he saw a mannequin sprawled on the floor, until he
    observed a patch of blood by the figure's ear. When police
    broke down the door, they found Cobain dead: the shotgun still
    pointed at his chin, and a suicide note written in red ink
    resting on a nearby counter.

  2. #2
    Banned
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    why your last until Jan?

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Banned
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    Ok.

  5. #5
    Banned Eye`'s Avatar
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    Wtf, people dont even post in my OM's, wtf.

  6. #6
    Is Back Archilleez's Avatar
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    I havent read many OM's yet, i have only just took an interest over the last week, but this is definitely the best one i have read so far.
    I liked the way that in parts u kept some of the lines lilke 5 words short, but still made sense. which is something ive been trying to do alot, and i think it makes the whole peice better.

    I felt that you had a good topic, and it drawn me into reading it. Kept me interested.
    i dont know EXACTLY know how to leave decent feed on OMs but this is what i thought about the peice.

    Keep it up. good shit
    LEAVE AN HONEST VOTE ON THESE OPEN BATTLES - LEAVE A LINK AND I WILL LEAVE AN HONEST VOTE ON YOURS

    Archilleez VS Elljay B

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  7. #7
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    lol...i no what ya mean i'll leave feed here but be sure to leave feed in mine.....i'll get the link in a sec.....its called silent tears....

    Yo this was tight...the creatvitiy of the topic and lay out and flow was smooth and organized and very even.....rhymes were good and complex and the imagnery was tight cuz you had good discriptive words and good vocab.....multies were good here and i liked everything bout this enjoyable to read..overall this was dope...keep it up....peace

  8. #8

  9. #9
    Banned Eye`'s Avatar
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    Thanks for the feedback. I'll get to both OM's in a sec.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! reincarnation's Avatar
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    Sound like some Eminem, Marilyn Manson type shit......overall it was a pretty nice drop jo...i like the subject and how you visualized yourself in his place to drop a deep OM....structure was on point but you no that......keep dropping..shit was deep
    Close dis shit:

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  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! reincarnation's Avatar
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    Close dis shit:

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  12. #12
    Banned Eye`'s Avatar
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    Yeh sure, later.

  13. #13
    Blind & Dum
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    good stuff yo...very deep....and very exquisite...

    I liked it it was...illy

    Everything in this piece was good, and to be honest I didn't read the last part, cuz I'm kind of in a hurry but I don't think you'd let me down...would you?

    good just about everything...didn't really see any multi's but thats cool...I still dig the piece...lookin' forward to more drops from you in January...


    pz
    Death to All Comers..

  14. #14
    Banned Eye`'s Avatar
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    Thanks for the feed DEF. Peace, OUT!

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ASI.'s Avatar
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    tight mode ::respect::

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    Audio is Great.
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    KarosiveissosickKarosiveissosickKarosiveissosick

    I Stay Higha Than Tha Birds.




    Yea your a vet and all with your 123,000 posts but um really....


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    Songs



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