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Thread: "Premeditated Thoughts"

  1. #1
    Newbie teflon~king's Avatar
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    "Premeditated Thoughts"

    my life flashs before my eyes, an finally I can see//
    an come to my suprise, that this is the time for me//
    to open my eyes, get up and rise to my feet//
    start up the grind, an put the product on the street//
    got money on my mind, Im so caught up I cant sleep//
    but I was out of time, an I got shot up by some feinds//
    I was mesmorized, cuz I could see that i was livin my dreams//
    when I got hit my mama cried, cuz I need ta be there 4 my seed//
    thats when I realized, that my family is all I'll ever need//
    so its about that time, I think Im finally bout ta leave//
    this earth thats full of life, an then its towards the fire for me//
    an jus because I lied, an my whole life was based on greed//
    but then I see a change, an this aint how the story goes//
    I make it in the game, an dont do nothin fa these hoes//
    my life jus aint the same, but still everybody knows//
    Im hard on that hustle mayne, But mo about the flow//


    fuck the police
    who'll be the judge

  2. #2
    Retired.
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    2 Feedback Links Needed
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185583
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    Those Feeds were shit

  3. #3
    Newbie teflon~king's Avatar
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    the ones in my post

  4. #4
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    flow.. cool
    structure..coll
    rhymes..a bit basic
    concept..not deep enough and a bit short/undeveloped..
    vocab//ok
    need a bit more originality... /imagery

    decent

    pz1

  5. #5
    Newbie teflon~king's Avatar
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    thnx man but G said my feed was shit so ima describe yos better aight

  6. #6
    Newbie teflon~king's Avatar
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    no replys damn at rapmusic there were allways people giving feedback but not in here.

  7. #7
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    this aint that bad.
    vocab - too basic, needs to be improved
    flow - it seemed pretty consistent
    structure - alright
    wordplay - good but you could improve
    rhymes - a bit to basic
    overall - it was too basic, you could ellaborate alot more and make it longer. it wasnt deep enough, it had a lil emotion but not enough. jus keep workin on it.

  8. #8
    Newbie teflon~king's Avatar
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    aight man advice taken

  9. #9
    Newbie teflon~king's Avatar
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    zZzZzZz..

  10. #10
    lyrical messiah
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    yo dawg this was good rymin i liked how you rymes in ya rymes that made it better an i felt what you was sayin mayne. just keep doin homie you had great flow an some imagery but it was more like a story that made it better to me but this was bangin man keep at it peace out an one love T.K from ya boy Big-J

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    Dope Lethal Lyricists
    hip-hop's finest souljaz

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    this my boo.......guess who it is

  11. #11
    lyrical messiah
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    uppin that shit

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    Dope Lethal Lyricists
    hip-hop's finest souljaz

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    this my boo.......guess who it is

  12. #12
    I AM YOUR GOD!!! ass_gasket's Avatar
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    It was good but too short...good vocab.....good flow.....

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