The Game

[Devin Samuel 3]

V1: your words paint the picture, that you left unfinished..i became lost in your memory, but i couldnt see the image..that u wanted away..but i wanted to stay..now the shining in your eyes has gone and changed..

Chorus: cause we played the game..and now its gone on and ended..since we played the game..not how we intended..caught in the words we said..we thought we'd never fade..but now all our love has gone away..since we played the game..

V2: moments past as i speak your name..your smile aint as bright as use to..and my heart doesnt beat the same..they say "its best to put your past behind you, and go on"..but my present and future reflect on your beauty not letting me move on..im head high in this endless pool of memories..with my clothes damp, and dripping from love's misery..

Chorus: cause we played the game..and now its gone on and ended..since we played the game..not how we intended..caught in the words we said..we thought we'd never fade..but now all our love has gone away..since we played the game..

..this is a song i just wrote yesterday about me and girl that broke up after 2 years..now its hard to just look at her and not have feelings for her again..tell me what yall think

[Devin Samuel 3]

uppin'

[analystic cynic]

i liked it, had some pretty creative rhymes, good flow, i felt it

[***Lady_Latin***]

im head high in this endless pool of memories..with my clothes damp, and dripping from love's misery..

Aiight...on da real, there wasn't alot of structure 2 dis piece, HOWEVER,
i think that altho da topic's been played out, u came wit a dif approach which added 2 ur piece.

^^^Those lines was my fav...da way u pulled'em 2getha was diff from wat i norm. c on dis site...Props!

I think da mos important thing 4 u 2 work on is ur structure cuz it was hard 2 read...u could pick up on da flo, but it was kinda like i hadda look 4 it...
if u fixed ur structure by usin' mo internal's, ur word usage would b betta as well as ur lines bein mo concise & all of dat would b an improvement on ur structure!

Overall, i liked dis piece inspite of errything i's said...so keep postin & u'll elevate mo & mo...1

-LL

[Devin Samuel 3]

thanks for the feedback ... can i get some more input on this piece?? .. uppin

[Devin Samuel 3]

uppin

[B.I.Detained.]

Been open far too long for you to not find links.
Closed.

-Brix