Dear summer...(SS)

[Poeta Demonio]

Dear summer…

The senseless sense of winter cascades my salt filled wounds…
As the smell of death lingers, the flowers they cease to bloom…
Perilous in a hazy shade of December, deep in freeze I bleed…
As detriment enters my body, I fall deep into an eternal sleep…

Beckoning me to join him in a toast, dances with numbness true to few…
Apparition of death longs to be friend my end… but to see me through…
I see a dream, that dream is you, tears from heaven, summer brand new…
Start, I start crying at the thought, emotion warped, ghosts from my past…
Like I’m living wrapped up in a ouigi board, tessellation of visions…
Unwanted to view, blind to warmth… my memory remains clear of you.

…A picture painted, abstract on a canvas of mind, celestial to pain of rain…
From my eyes, the skies, disguise animosity thunderous clouds rise maimed…
Yet among the paramount thoughts, the thought crosses my mind, I’m insane…
Unnamed, except for the branded chains, living on the streets the cold it pains…
Society turns it’s back, yet summer still holds me in high regard, remains the same...
Blesses me with warmth of heart, food grows from the trees, cascades my mind train.

Shrivelled in a blanket…
I attempt, try to blank it...
Summer loves me to death…
So I write to thank it…

Frustrated to the point It renders my vision blurred, as if, my views are tinted...
This wishful letter to god, is barely even worth the inc used to carefully print it…
Blue eyes, drip beads of fear onto the page, that allows me to cage, confine my rage…
Into written glory, a slave-trade, in a civilization where man is supposed to’ve made…
Abolished all atrocities, against another human alike, each one lied to me and you…
So dear summer, I beg you free my soul, complete my heart, shed a ray of truth…

Bring life home, winter only brings death to thou with-out resident.

[Poeta Demonio]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281957
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=282870

[Cap Com]

that was nice man I was feeling your wordplay and shit keep it up.

this was questionable at rhyming

Perilous in a hazy shade of December, deep in freeze I bleed…
As detriment enters my body, I fall deep into an eternal sleep…
I see a dream, that dream is you, tears from heaven, summer brand new…
Start, I start crying at the thought, emotion warped, ghosts from my past…
Like I’m living wrapped up in a ouigi board, tessellation of visions…
Unwanted to view, blind to warmth… my memory remains clear of you.

and why are you typing in that font? but it was still nice but you could use better adjectives and describe the situation more so we know a lil more whats going on but overall i liked it. Ir could of had more flow you were kind of stalling but nice.

[Poeta Demonio]

that was nice man I was feeling your wordplay and shit keep it up.

this was questionable at rhyming

Perilous in a hazy shade of December, deep in freeze I bleed…
As detriment enters my body, I fall deep into an eternal sleep…
I see a dream, that dream is you, tears from heaven, summer brand new…
Start, I start crying at the thought, emotion warped, ghosts from my past…
Like I’m living wrapped up in a ouigi board, tessellation of visions…
Unwanted to view, blind to warmth… my memory remains clear of you.

and why are you typing in that font? but it was still nice but you could use better adjectives and describe the situation more so we know a lil more whats going on but overall i liked it. Ir could of had more flow you were kind of stalling but nice.

This is topical, flow isn't that important...

But okay thank you.

[Cap Com]

ya true,forget the last line i said

[Poeta Demonio]

Upping.

[Poeta Demonio]

C'mon people.

[EyeCandy]

…A picture painted, abstract on a canvas of mind, celestial to pain of rain…
From my eyes, the skies, disguise animosity thunderous clouds rise maimed…
Yet among the paramount thoughts, the thought crosses my mind, I’m insane…
Unnamed, except for the branded chains, living on the streets the cold it pains…
Society turns it’s back, yet summer still holds me in high regard, remains the same...
Blesses me with warmth of heart, food grows from the trees, cascades my mind train.

^^^i loved all of this.. but these lines have deffo gotta be my fave outta tha whole of it.. u are awesomely a dope poet, i think u should ought 2 kno it.. lol.. but chea i like this.. very original.. its deffo not something we'd expect in o.m..
& with tha sun shinin right now verbal this was very enjoyable 2 read.. the wordin was great in this.. & the multies.. its pretty much different to how u write ur poetry which is good 2 see u be usin different kinda styles.. keep writin how u are ryan & believe me u will be an "rb legend"..1

[Poeta Demonio]

Thanks alot, upping.

[Plain-Thug]

good drop man.....first thing i noticed was the structure but it was alright i guess....flow was tight.....topic was pretty cool...it caught my eye....ya rhymes were pretty nice...tight in places..simple in others...imagery was alright....overall this was a pretty nice read and i liked it....keep it up...linkz in sig...hit one up

[KazPer]

Bring life home, winter only brings death to thou with-out resident.

That line summed up a good work. I see what u mean when u say its a topical song. and in that aspect it was real nyce, very well written.
When i read the topic, i was thinkin more of Jay-z version. but u took it in a whole diff direction. like i siad b4 it was ill, very well written

[Flo3try]

This was nice very well written/ When i read the topic i thought you were gonna write a poem that was actually about fun and summer.... this was good vocab was nice, structure flow creativity and overall enjoyability nice job i enjoy ur pieces..