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Thread: What Kind Of Love

  1. April 20th, 2006, 06:56 PM #1
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    What Kind Of Love

    I look for love never found it but did it find me..
    Lemme tell ya a lil story about me I don't mind telling..
    Its like this, my life is piss and I live Ina fucking toilet..
    if you can figure this out, then just no im surround by shit..
    Everything i do or try an accomplish doesn't work out im a problem..
    I have a lot of problems and well im involved with no one I cant evolve..
    Im just an immature kid, and women don't like that, with me there appalled..
    I try to fit in I fight to find the right women to be with for a night..
    Just nething nice would make my life its a black hole tho i got no insight..
    I don't know much I just follow my heart and touch my feelins from the inside..
    Maybe why I don't have much pride and I don't hide from my truth I let it ride..

    ::let me tell you what really fucked me up::

    Ima crazy kid hate my family love them I never did..
    specially the way my mom beat me cuz my dad left her a kid..
    She would always treat me like shit ne little thing I did wrong..
    I was in for it, she took advantage of being big and strong.
    Compared to me, I mean I was like 10 or 11 I got her back tho..
    One day I juss flipped and I caught her sleepin closed her eyes slow..
    kept her neck shut till she her lungs closed and she turned blue..
    As she died I told her I hate her, last thing she said was I love you..
    I didn't believe it so I left her body, gather my shit and ran away..

    5 yrs later.......home for boys.....

    there was this one woman tho, she was beautiful the best in the bag..
    even in the dark she shined her bright white teeth with a lovely swag..
    im tellin you this women was great, she even had love for me yes it happen..
    I never liked laughing but this lady made me, I was happy and she wasn't actin..
    She did have love for me she gave me presents she gave me hugs she gave me kisses..
    She was the one women who insisted I was the best person she never misses.
    Im always around her and she's always around me never getting annoyed..
    I do not know why but she had this unconditional love for me she couldn't avoid..
    Nor did this lady want to, so i just figured I'd stick with her for a few.
    cuz well where else am I gonna go, im too young to move out and she said I love you..
    So I tell you this now, the only women to ever show me ne love was my mom..
    It just happen to me I realized, tho only love i get is my mom cuz ima time bomb..
    I killed my other mother, so i got a foster mom, she found me an I found her..
    So now I know that without this I would still be in liven in piss so this I prefer..

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287727
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287767
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  2. April 20th, 2006, 07:27 PM #2
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    uppin for some feed leave links an i`ll get back when i can thanx
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  3. April 20th, 2006, 08:29 PM #3
    MISTA GRIM
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    i liked this, not the best but i think this is a good start to u doin topicals.
    I think some tips for u are:

    'convey ya thoughts and not just focus on rhyme.
    try to paint a picture so tha while i read your piece, i can be in your head.
    Make sure you are comfortable writing before you start throwing a bunch of multis in..
    Use metaphors/figurative language.
    .
    .
    .
    I hope to see more from you in the future..
    Elevate and write another......

    ~Grim
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  4. April 21st, 2006, 11:15 AM #4
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    thanx upp
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  5. April 21st, 2006, 12:33 PM #5
    Plain-Thug
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    another peice by you my man that is tight...i see ya got a ton of ideas and all of them manage to be on my favorite lists..

    ya rhymes were good and complex..nice multies here and there...flow was smooth throughout thr whole peice..good strucutre....vocab was here and imagery as well..i enjoyed reading this..nice topic...keep it up..peace~
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  6. April 21st, 2006, 02:11 PM #6
    Nicasso
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    Quote Originally Posted by Plain-Thug
    another peice by you my man that is tight...i see ya got a ton of ideas and all of them manage to be on my favorite lists..

    ya rhymes were good and complex..nice multies here and there...flow was smooth throughout thr whole peice..good strucutre....vocab was here and imagery as well..i enjoyed reading this..nice topic...keep it up..peace~
    I can only agree everything seemed
    to be in place not HOF but real close
    in my eye's good drop hope to see lot's
    more if this......................................
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  7. April 22nd, 2006, 01:21 PM #7
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    more feed plz
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  8. April 23rd, 2006, 01:37 PM #8
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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  9. April 24th, 2006, 11:30 AM #9
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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  10. April 24th, 2006, 12:01 PM #10
    Poeta Demonio
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    Okay this piece was writen okay, but to be honest when i was reading through it seemed very forced and i had to literally drag my eyes to the next line, the metaphors seemed blured and not very clear to the point, With a little re wording and placing of more clerer imagery this could have been a very good piece.

    I would like to see you use assonance and more complex rhyme schemes inyour topical pieces, as it would really elevate your work, i mean you have the content there and you have the ability to do extremely well (as i've seen from you in the past)... but in this particular piece i didn't like it from the start to end, that topic didn't reall appeal to me and the internals really didn't impress.

    But i know you can do much better, so keep writting mate.
    AI


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  11. April 25th, 2006, 02:49 PM #11
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    thnx uppin
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  12. April 25th, 2006, 02:50 PM #12
    Poeta Demonio
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    Word feed on my latest om...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...wpost&t=288881
    AI


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  13. April 26th, 2006, 02:03 PM #13
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    i did uppin
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  14. April 27th, 2006, 10:54 AM #14
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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  15. April 28th, 2006, 03:21 PM #15
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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